What The F*** Is Lupus?

Do you know? I don’t. Not really anyway. I know a bit more than I did a couple of hours ago, which was nothing. It’s funny how sometimes you don’t give a shit about something unless it directly affects you. That’s me and Lupus, but it started to affect me.

We are going to a Lupus fundraiser/40th birthday party for our friend Trish. Trish has Lupus. Other than cyberspace, I haven’t talked to Trish since probably high school or shortly after, but her and Mrs. Birdman are good friends, and she’s funny as fuck, so I claim her as my friend too. Her and my lovely were talking tonight about all of the wonderful events that will be happening at her 80s themed, totally rockin’ party.

While they were discussing things, I was listening in on one side of the conversation. I kept hearing the word Lupus, then I got thinking about Lupus, and then I started to wonder why I couldn’t remember anything about Lupus. It was either I had completely burned my last brain cell, was abducted by Randy Quaid’s medulla oblongata, or I had just never learned about it. I’m going with the latter.

I asked what the fuck Lupus was, and didn’t get much response, so I just started eavesdropping even more, and occasionally throwing in little ideas for making Lupus some dough. None of my ideas were a hit, but I think that they weren’t thinking outside the box. You have to nowadays, if not, you will be left behind. I thought that auctioning off an animal erotica story would go well, and even if it only made five dollars, it’s better than nothing, right? Another good one is that they could auction off an hour with me making people really awkward by having really inappropriate conversations with them. Someone would follow me around with a video camera, and the person who won me, could have the video of people twitching nervously. That’s the prize that will last forever, if you ask me.

After Mrs. B was done, I said that I should Google Lupus and then write a blog post about it, seeing as I didn’t have a clue what it was. I thought about how impersonal it would be to write a blog post from Google, and then decided to call Trish, to see what Lupus was from her eyes. It’s pain, that’s for sure. Torment might be another word to describe it. Burden, despair, fear, misery, sorrow, frustration, and discouragement would all fit in nicely as well.

I get hives every once in a while, and my body swells up bad for a few days, then it goes away for a couple of years or so. Sometimes my tongue gets sore and puffy when I have them, but it’s never blocked my throat or caused me to almost die. When I get the hives, I feel like I don’t want to do anything, but lay in bed and lightly rub them. Can you feel them on your skin, all itchy and swollen? Now imagine them on your kidneys, lungs, or even your brain. Pretend that your immune system was malfunctioning, and started attacking all of your healthy tissue, breaking you down, one organ at a time.

Another shitty thing about this son of a bitching disease is the medication. Prednisone, and stronger steroids are used to combat this illness, along with a mixture of other drugs. I don’t know if you’ve taken prednisone, but it kicks your ass, and sends you packing. They can cost around $2000 per month, and what sucks is they might not even work for you. Ever hear of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? It can go hand in hand with Lupus, to make you not want to leave the house on your bad days.

Trish has been fighting this shit for many years, and when I said that maybe it would get better, she explained that they haven’t come out with a new drug for this disease in over thirty years, and there’s no cure for it. That’s not good odds for it getting better without help if you ask me. I think this is where we come in. We go out and support our friend, enjoy a great party, bid on some auction items, and just have a blast.


Even if you can’t help out with the party, do yourself a favour and Google Lupus, and check out all you can. It hits around 90% women, and 10% men, and there are all kinds of resources to help you learn about it.

The Deets

Date – May 12th, 2012 Time 8pm to 1am Location – Cobourg Legion. Tickets are $20 per person, and they’re 3/4 sold. Send me a message if you are interested. Tickets not available at the door!

All the other kids with their pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, faster than my bullet,


10 thoughts on “What The F*** Is Lupus?

    • Anytime. It did sound awful. I can’t properly emote how I was feeling, especially as I was dozing off at the computer, but it was heartbreaking to think that people have to live in constant pain and fear.

  1. Holy shit. I’m the same as you with not really know what some things are unless they directly affect me. I really had no clue what Lupus was (I’ve heard of it, of course, but didn’t know details). I’ll definitely send good vibes Trish’s way. I’m glad to hear that so many tickets have sold. That’s awesome.

    • Thanks Missy, everybody can always use good vibes. I’ll send you some for your dog hair. Who the fuck gets huskies or malamutes in North Carolina? I guess the hair will protect them from Michael Vick’s dogs. Oh no, he was from Virginia I think.

      • You bring up a valid point. What the hell were we thinking? I blame my husband – he chose our original Malamute and then, when we decided to get dog #2, he decided he wanted ANOTHER Malamute. Sigh.

  2. Chris, I have just shared this blog with my fellow Lupies. As you can imagine, you need a support group that understands what we all deal with. Sense of humor is key…..and ‘sickies’ understand that while certain procedures must be done, there is always a great funny story afterwards. Dignity does not exist in our world.
    So thank you my friend and i’ll buy you a vodka and orange pop at the Fundraiser!
    Ps ~ would be very interested to know how many of your readers know someone with lupus???

    • Sweet, I guess they’re moving the bachelor party to the Friday night so we can all go. 🙂
      I’ve heard from two people that have relatives with Lupus, and one friend that they thought had it, but it turned out to be Fibromyalgia. You’re welcome, and I’ll take you up on that drink for sure. 🙂

  3. Lupus does suck. I had a relative who had it. Wouldnt wish that on anyone. Well maybe the asshole who cut me off this morning and made me drop my Egg McMuffin. But other than that…

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