Trash The Dress

I guess that now is a good time to tell you that I get a little bit pissed off when I see something being done by one gender or another, but not by both. This is a modern world, full of equality, but there are still certain activities that women seem to be doing exclusively, and I finally got sick of it.

I’m talking about “Trash The Dress”. For those of you who are unaware, I will let Wikipedia enlighten you:

“Trash the dress, also known as fearless bridal or rock the frock, is a style of wedding photography that contrasts elegant clothing with an environment in which it is out of place. It is generally shot in the style of fashion and glamour photography. “Trash the dress” is the art of destruction or deconstruction of a bride’s wedding dress to create a new “artwork” that the bride would be proud to display on their wall. This new “masterpiece” is formed in the creative destruction of the dress. This will normally be portrayed in a sequence of images or simply a single image.”


Well, ladies. What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. I happened to jump into a shoot with a bunch of models, and they were quite welcoming. Feast your eyes on this.

Only one of my co-models would agree to be on the blog, so here we are.

It’s too bad, because they were all beautiful women, and it’s sad that you can’t gaze upon them. Ah well, such is life.

I want to introduce you to Breasts McGee, the greatest of the models appearing in this shoot. Do you know why? Because she is fucking fierce and fabulous, and her dress isn’t duct taped onto her. She actually fits into things.

The most beautiful and happy bride in the world.

This girl is going to be a star, and it won’t take her long to get there. Just look at these two shots.

Here she is showing off her timeless beauty by voguing, or maybe something out of The Notebook

Her range is extraordinary. You would almost think that somebody just told her that her sister had died. (We actually did do that. We had to get the emotion we needed for the shot.)

Seeing as it was my first trash the dress, I wasn’t quite aware how to act. That was where Breasts was a big help. She makes me feel at home, and brought out my inner model.

Look at me go. Breaking down the gender barrier since Christ was a cowboy.

Apparently Tyra says that this is a good thing to do when you’re modelling.

See, all the good models do it.

Now that I have my facial muscles loosened up, it’s time to start heading for the water. I don’t know about where you live, but in most of Canada, the streams are fairly brisk in October.

Can you feel that? That’s the heat created when you undress me with your eyes, you saucy thing.

I’m what you’d call “full-figured”. Where’s Dove with my money?

Trying to get everything perfect, just the way the photographer asked me to. That’s key to getting more work. Be easy to work with.

My serious side.

All my crinolines were billowing

I’m showing the photographer some love. They are people too, with feelings and everything.

I’m trying to keep my body temperature up using my mind.

“Hey! Your nipples are showing.”

“Oooops, sorry. I can’t feel anything”

This is the happiest day of my life.

This is what separates the pros from the wannabes. The ability to look graceful in extreme discomfort.

Who’s the pretty boy?

Sometimes I do a cheeky pose. I think it’s the photographer that brings it out of me 😉

Yayyyy, I’m allowed out.

Well there you have it. My very first Dress Trash, but hopefully not my last. Do you have a dress that you’d like to see trashed? Contact us, and we can let you know where to send it. You might see it on here one day, getting the shit beaten out of it.


55 thoughts on “Trash The Dress

  1. I have to think that Mrs. B is some kind of genius. She got her dress trashed, yet managed to stay nice and cozy behind the camera, while SOMEHOW convincing you to douse your bits in a frigid stream in October. Well done.

  2. This is amazing.
    My love for this post is deep, and as a fellow swimmer of Canadian streams HOLY TOLEDO HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT LOOK COMFORTABLE?!?!! I would have been shrieking mericlessly the whole time!!! I’m surprised no one has started a business dry cleaning all these trashed dresses…great post!

  3. OMG Chris you crack me up week after week. I think they tape their boobs in the dresses too, not just the dress to their bodies.

    also – in the picture where you are supposedly happy? I thought you were drowning and nobody was helping you.


  4. This is awesome. Love the saucy looks and poses and how you’re ‘smiling with your eyes’. (That’s an America’s Next Top Model thing. I can’t take credit for that.)

  5. So, I’m haven’t seen the question asked and I’m sure it’s on most everybody’s minds. What were you wearing under the dress? I was pretty plain to see that there was nothing covering up the nipply parts… so… did the curtains match the drapes so to speak? Hmmmmm?

  6. So I am no longer allowed to read this blog at work because I was laughing so hard my co-workers thought that I had finally lost my mind. The customers I was serving just gave me worried looks. You always make my day.

  7. I was going to comment on your peekaboo boob tat, but then you just put it all out there in the stream shots. (I think that might sound bad.) My wedding dress sits in a box. I loved it so, and I don’t want it to turn all yellow. Plus I’m built like a child so it wouldn’t fit anyone else.

    • You should look into sending it to China, because the ladies there are, on the whole, smaller than us of non-Asian descent. As for the tat, my wife calls it the worst tattoo ever. She’s mostly correct.

  8. I’m glad you survived. All I could think of when I saw this was that poor woman in Montreal who drowned at her Trash the Dress shoot. Which made me feel really guilty for laughing like a maniac through the whole post.

  9. “I want to introduce you to Breasts McGee, the greatest of the models appearing in this shoot. Do you know why? Because she is fucking fierce and fabulous, and her dress isn’t duct taped onto her. She actually fits into things.”

    HAHAHAHAH! I LOVE YOU, CO-MODEL!!!! <3 This post is fabulous.

  10. You made the tears stream down my face like onion vapors. Completely hysterical. In addition to your great writing and modeling, you, madam, are a master at captioning 🙂

    I think I loved the cheeky post the best!

    • That is truly one of the nicest things anyone has ever graced these pages with. Every once in awhile I do a post that people like, and are kind enough to comment on. I really only live for those posts. Today I have been smiling more than usual, and it’s because of the stream of comments on here, FB, and wherever else they’re coming from. You yourself know that an (I hope) honest and complimentary comment can totally lift your spirits and put that spring in your step. Well, I’m feeling quite light in the loafers, my dear, so thank you for that.

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  12. Just had to come back and say that this was hysterical. The photos are gorgeous, and I applaud your ability to sink into icy streams in what I can only assume is some form of taffeta. Bravo!

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