Oct 11

Therapy Thursday

Dear Birdman and the Missus,
One of my buddies recently proposed to his girlfriend.  They have been dating for just under 2 years, and I was actually the one to introduce the two of them (I had a girlfriend at the time, saw her, and basically threw the two of them together).  But after they started dating, I realized that I strongly disliked her for her immature demeanor and manipulative ways.  My buddy moved in with her, and I never really expressed my dislike for her, as it didn’t really seem my place.  He asked me to be his best man, and it is at this point that I feel a strong impulse to say something to him.  Because if I was really his best man, shouldn’t I have said something two years ago?  And if I let him go through with it, what the hell am I supposed to say for my speech?
Sincerely,
Worst Best Man

Dear Worst,

You seem like a very nice guy, so I am going to give you the benefit of my own mistakes.  You have to look at this from your buddy’s point of view.  He’s found a woman who he loves, and who lets him have sex with her on an at least semi-regular schedule.  This is choice, and if it is to be the mother of all mistakes, he’ll figure that out soon enough.  Unfortunately for you, you are going to have to sit this one out in the sidelines until it all goes down eventually.  You can take your friend aside and finally come clean that you think his lady is manipulative and immature, but you aren’t going to get a friendly pat on the back for it.  In fact, you may very well alienate him and cause him to feel like he has to choose between your friendship and his fiancé.  I don’t think I have to tell you which way he’s likely to go on that choice. Continue reading

Sep 12

An In-Depth View Of The Male Orgasm

I got a request the other day to put into words the feeling of the male orgasm. While I can’t speak for every man, I can describe what’s going through my tiny man-brain, and also what’s going through my regular man brain.

I’ve decided to add photographs of myself in different levels of orgasm, and while you might be telling yourself (and others) that sex with me must be pretty boring if my beautiful wife is able to take photographs whilst in the throes of passion. Well, I’d like to point out that she’s a fucking professional (Notice the play on words?). She is able to take herself out of the scene, and focus on the task at hand. Sure the task at hand is sometimes reading, taking her contacts out, or sleeping, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she is always eager to help me to put out the most professionalinane blog posts known to humans.

Whatever it takes. Right, Baby?

I’ve also decided to describe the facial expressions from my soul mate, life partner, and voice of reason, but only because I kept dropping the camera while trying to get the pictures I needed. After I dropped the 5D on her forehead, and then my Android in her eye (She made me use the lightest camera we have after I put the dent in her melon), she decided that I wasn’t strong enough to carry out this manoeuvre, and I would have to “suck it up” and quit wasting her time. Hey, I have a bad shoulder, and it’s really hard to hold myself up with my left. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE!

Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s get back on topic. I’m going to describe a non-Cialis, above-average orgasm. I would love to tell you about average orgasms, but I just don’t have them anymore.

First off, there is the cocooning that prequels the actual act, and then there is “The Mount”

Oh my god. I’m really going to have some sex. Oh wow, it’s really happening…

Continue reading

Aug 28

The Build Up – Part One

Before getting our shaves and haircuts, we grabbed a coffee next door to John’s at The Human Bean. They are a locally owned coffee shop that serves all kinds of delectables. Check out their site, or just go down. They are a great place to relax, and they serve all kinds of Fair Trade and organic coffees.

Sebastien from SA Photo accompanied us around for the moments leading up to the big event, and did a fantastic job of capturing these wonderful moments. Thank you, Sebastien.

We started out here, in downtown Cobourg, and during the busker festival.

You can feel the excitement building.

Continue reading

Aug 13

Therapy It Is, And It’s Not Even Thursday

I was all set to write a post about my awesome little mini-holiday, and how I compared myself to Paul in my head the whole time we were at the cabin, but as I got the first sentence in something happened. It was weird too, because I had just entered I Can Be An Asshole in Dude Write 9. If you don’t feel like reading it, it’s a post I did about dealing with things after our oldest had part of her ear bit off by a dog.

I started writing, and listening to some Jimmy Bowskill, when I heard the dog snarl and snap downstairs. I kind of waited for a second, wondering if the girls were playing with Blue or something. They weren’t. I ran down to find out that T had sat next to him, and he snapped at her, and then growled afterwards. She was on the other side of the room by now, so I grabbed the dog, very hard, and fired him in his crate.

What the fuck?

We had just come back from a beautiful time at the cabin. He wasn’t tied up, and had the freedom to run in the woods, fight raccoons, and shit wherever he wanted. This was for five days, and he loved it. He would run all day, and then sleep until he had enough energy to run all night. If he was near us, he was beat. I mean beat, as in tired, not beaten. We brought him home, and he went to sleep on the couch, right beside Mrs. Birdman as she read her book. We went to ball, lost by one to the Castleridge So and so’s (Amber touched my bum), and came home, when I then took him for a walk to have a pee. He didn’t really feel like going out, but he did anyhow.

As we were leaving for the walk, the girls came home from their dad’s house. We did our walk, and then went home, where we went about our usual business. I went to get my Dude Write entry in before the deadline, and Blue went back to the couch. Continue reading

Jul 31

Rambling Man

So I may be doing a review on a website that I probably shouldn’t name right now. I’m not sure, but I think it’s supposed to help you keep track of your social media and everything. I’m waiting to hear back about it, but I think that they may just be trying to get me curious to make me want to buy it. The sad thing is that it’s working. As I sit here waiting to hear my email go off, I’m eagerly awaiting some correspondence with the company. I gave them a price, but really, I’d probably do it for the free membership. I hope they are hagglers, and didn’t discount me for the high quote, because if it works well, and helps me better manage my blog, I’ll pimp the shit out of their product.

Oh the sadness of it all. The reason I asked for the cash is because it’s a product to up your SEO, and as much as I’d like more clicks, I would rather not be labelled as a douche because of it. That’s why it would be cool to get paid to use their product. Then I wouldn’t have to feel like such a piece of shit for going against my morals. I wouldn’t look like a huge asshole if it was a review of a product, would I?

I love trying to manipulate people into believing what I want them to believe. It’s kind of amazing how it works. Unfortunately my readers ( you), are too smart for that bullshit. I wish I was a redneck comedian or something like that, because they can tell their audience pretty much anything, and they believe it. I mean seriously, people are driving around with “Git-R-Done!” written all over their fucking vehicles, and they are yelling out, “Here’s your sign” whenever someone makes a mistake.

Sometimes people drink Lysol and Coke.

Continue reading