So you don’t think you’re beautiful?


Every day I hear this from women, and it kind of makes me mad. Are you looking for confirmation? If you aren’t a complete  and utter douchebag, then there’s a good chance that you are beautiful. So you have an extra 10-100 pounds on you. Big hairy deal. Do you think the true love of your life will find you any less beautiful because of it? Oh, you have some scars? Doesn’t matter. Guys don’t care about that shit if they really love you. Yeah, I know that guys are always drooling over the “hot” girls, but if you think about it, it’s no different than girls drooling over “hot” guys.

Now look at me, I know I’m overweight, short, skin taggy (it’s a word now), and I’m not what some people might call good looking, but I’m cherished, and loved by the most beautiful woman I know, and that’s alright by me. I guess I could walk around feeling inferior because I don’t have smoking hot abs, or even any muscle tone at all, but I don’t. I could constantly look in the mirror and lament over how my face is getting old and wrinkled, but I don’t. I could even go so far as to call myself “foul” and “slovenly”, but I don’t. Do you know why? It’s because I’m fucking awesome. I don’t say this to brag, or make myself feel better than I should, and I don’t have delusions of grandeur either. I say it because I know it’s true. If I wasn’t awesome, would Mrs. Birdman love me as much as she does? Nope. If I didn’t possess some sort of power, she would have just passed me by.

If you ladies want to know something, from my vantage point as a short, fat male, you are shooting oyourself in the foot by accentuating every little flaw you have, and focusing on the shitty parts of your life. Everyone has flaws and problems, but why dwell on them? I’d rather utilize my exceptional conversational skills and my sense of humour, than my mediocre modelling or weightlifting prowess. You need to stop and really think about what all of your good points are, and work off of them. Once you are comfortable with your strengths, you can start working on your weaknesses.

I used to be a lot more of an asshole than I am now, and I can still pull it out if I feel like it, but for the most part I’ve learned over the years that if you treat people shitty, you don’t feel very good about yourself. You may also think that you can get by with indifference and apathy. You can’t. You need to care about things. When you care, people notice. If they don’t, they aren’t worth caring about. It’s taken me a lot of years to figure these little tidbits out, but they do come to you eventually. Luckily for me, I figured them out in decent time, to enjoy the rest of my life.

Anyhow, ladies, please remember that we are all beautiful people, and the right ones will always figure that out. People will look past a lot of flaws if the inner you is worth it, but everyone will figure out if you are douche. One thing about being a douche is that no one wants to be around you. Doesn’t matter how pretty or handsome you are, because nobody will be around to admire you. It’s true.

Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to enjoy an evening with my favourite mother, Pat. Or as I like to call her: “Rat”.

I also just ate half of a pot cookie, so look out, scout.

Hello darlin’, nice to see ya,


P.S. Wanna check out a vacation pictorial from my extremely talented better half? Click this link. Gerri Photography – Did You Miss Me?


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