I have had a shit day. I don’t even feel like writing.
Actually that’s not true, but what I feel like writing about is forbidden right now. Only because I’m so fucking enraged about it, that I don’t want to piss too many people off by speaking my mind, so I will try my hardest to throw some fluff at you, pretend that everything is just tickety-boo, and that I don’t want to choke a bitch.
I don’t know if you noticed, but I did a guest post yesterday. I would have liked a better turnout, but meh, I guess it was too much extra clicking and shit. For the folks that did check out my first-ever guest post on a Semi-Charmed Life, thanks. For those that didn’t, but want to, it’s at http://leavethebourbon.blogspot.ca/2012/05/trailer-park-club-guest-post.html. Even if you don’t feel like reading mine, you should really check out her other assorted writings. She’s awesome, funny, and swears like I do.
Jesus Christ, I’m only at 140 words. I guess I could have spelled out one hundred and forty to make it last longer. Oh good, that brought me up to one hundred and sixty one. I could do a post up, just on how many words I’m writing, as I’m writing them. Pretty cool concept, huh? You’re damn skippy it is. There you go, that just put us over two hundred.
I suppose I could tell you all about when Gadget, Penny, Mrs. B, and I assaulted an “adult store”, in Belleville on the weekend. Oh the admiration that was had. We went in there looking for a merkin. Yes, you should click on that link. Even if you know what one is. There is tons of full frontal nudity in there.
Anyhow, we divided and conquered with Gadget and I
gigglingmarveling over the “Twenty Pounds Of Pussy And Ass”, and the “Fist Of Adonis”. I wonder who some of these things are for. There are hollowed out strap-ons for guys, and beginner strap-ons for guys, which are much smaller, like index finger small. Took me a few minutes to figure that one out, because I was trying to understand how you would get it inside that tiny thing. After I realized it was for going inside of a dude, I wondered why girls don’t get beginner sized ones? They just say “beginner sized for men”. What, ladies don’t get to ease themselves into anal? I guess the adult toy world figures their asses are much more elastic, with very few nerves, so they can just automatically take an inch in diameter. Seems a little one sided to me.
I picture a guy and girl in the store. She sees this and suggests to her partner that maybe they could use it, because it’s smaller and would maybe feel better by starting small, and working their way up.
“But Honey, it’s for guys. It says so right on the package. Why would I use that on you, when I have a perfectly good, real one that’s free? Sometimes you make no sense, baby”
“I just thought it would be less painful, and get me used to it, rather than tearing the tissue by trying to jam your massive love snake in there like a blind guy threading a needle.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty huge, but that’s okay, I’ll just use extra spit on it. You’ll be fine. Can you grab that Fleshlight from the shelf there? Thanks.”
This was, of course, a fake conversation, and I would hope that guys are really not that ignorant to the needs of their ladies. I know that some are, and much worse, but those guys are fucking losers, and should not represent the majority of men. I like to think that most men, as I do, have a deep respect for women. Not only their sexuality, but their spirit, heart, and mind as well. My lady is the epitome of perfection in a mate, and I would never take her for granted.
I’m totally losing my train of thought here, and should get going, even though I’m not going to make my quota of words. I need sleep, and I have a bunch of things to do in town. Scotty P, if you want to grab a coffee, today is a good day for me. Message me on FB, or call me if you’re up for it. I want to hear about your trip to the Peg, and any other fun thing that’s happening. If anyone else wants to meet up for a bit, get a hold of me. Alright, I’m outta here.
Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another, right now,
P.S. We never did find a merkin.