So, I got another writing job

I can’t tell you much about it, because it’s ghostwriting, but I get to write an erotica/humour blogpost every week, for at least ten weeks. I was weirded out when they first invited me to basically audition for it, but when I found out that I could write it with a bit of funny added, I was pretty stoked. It doesn’t pay great per week, but it’s a lot better than minimum wage, which is what most of the people on Elance want to pay. I guess these guys can pay more because they don’t have to pay a percentage to Elance for a finder’s fee. Now if I could get to where I was writing three or four a day, I’d be doing all right.

It’s also nice, because I can completely use my imagination and come up with different scenarios, and lets face it, it’s basically making funny porn. Those are two of my favourite things. It sure beats writing other people’s bio pages, or doing an SEO friendly article about cars.I have free reign on what I write, and nobody that I know will be able to read it and judge me. That’s the coolest part, I think. Writing what I want to write, and getting paid a sum of money for it. You never know, a great idea may come of it.

So it looks like I didn’t get the shittiest job I’ve ever applied for. That makes me feel pretty good. There’s nothing like settling for shit wages, just to be near home, and finding out that someone less qualified than you was also settling. That’s like when a chick picks some greasy fuckball over you, while you stand there with your jaws agape, and you just pick away at your self esteem, because for whatever reason, you were a worse choice than that guy. That’s the way that this feels, but it’s okay, because luckily, I got the girl.

Hey, do you like the Google+ button at the top? Click it, you lazy bastards. Is it so hard to give me a measly +1? They don’t even really mean anything to anyone but me, so what does it hurt? I bet you just hover your fucking mouse over it like it’s a voodoo doll, don’t you? Almost giving me that little morsel, and then pulling it away. Why do you hate me so? It’s just a little nerd trophy, please click it. I bet you’re the kind of bastards that dangle a piece of meat in front of a dog at the end of a chain, aren’t you? I hope you get bit.

On the other hand, if you’re cool like me, you will add the blog to your circles, and enjoy the frivolities that G+ has to offer. Things like Angry Birds, Zynga Poker, and Gardens of Time, which actually looks pretty cool. The blog can then add you back, and maybe give you a reach around, if that’s a thing you might like. If not, then the blog will give you a sensual foot massage, while gently humming a medley of your favourite songs. Either way, you win.

I got a private message from Miner SixtyNiner just a while ago, wanting me to… Oh, I might as well copy and paste the damn thing. Hold on a sec.


You know what I want you to go on a rant about?

Fucking meathead drivers. From a pro-truckers perspective, you’ve seen even more than me. My personal gear grinders?? Not sufficiently speeding up to merge, and going too slow in the fast lane.

I used to be a nicer person. I just love it when I’m spooling down Hwy. 1 in the Dodge, loaded to the tits with bike, 500L of fuel, tools, and a travel trailer and some cocksucker has to sit in the fast lane at 95 km/hr. I used to go around them. Now I lay on the horn (solid) and melt their retinas with the 9″ Lightforces until they move over.

Come on…..I know you’ve got some pent up rage on this subject….

Miner SixtyNiner

Well there, Miner. I’m actually quite calm about the traffic, because I don’t go in it anymore, but I’ll tell you what I hated more than anything, was the fucking scumbags that run the on-ramps, and then cut in front of someone, forcing them to hit the binders. Then it causes a chain reaction, while they just go on a nice jaunty drive home for the night. I seriously want to follow them into their driveway, and beat them until they poop in front of their family on their front lawn. Then I want to scream at their kids, something like, “YOU KNOW WHY YOUR DADDY JUST GOT HURT REALLY, REALLY BAD? BECAUSE HE IS A TERRIBLE PERSON, WHO ONLY THINKS OF HIMSELF. So you kids aren’t going to be selfish, are you? Because I sure wouldn’t want to come back here again.”

But like I said, I don’t have any rage about traffic anymore, because I just sit here at a computer all day, making believe that my readers and friends are going to click my Google+ button, and thus make my life worth living.

I’ll leave this little nugget, from our friend Pike Pole, that was posted a few months ago, and it deals with bad drivers in an angry manner.

Click here for Pike’s rant

Well, I’ve had enough writing for the day. I don’t feel like going for a thousand words this time, unless you count the fact that I’m just writing nonsense, to make my quota. I probably still am not going to make it, but it’s going to be really close. I guess it wasn’t close enough, but by the time I do the song lyric, I should be good. Do you hate me now? I would.

I keep hearin’ you’re concerned about my happiness, but all that thought you’re givin’ me is conscience I guess,


Where did you lose your virginity?

10 thoughts on “So, I got another writing job

  1. I think the thing that pissed me off the most on the road was all the fuckers passing me on the right. That’s what makes me want to beat a man in front of his family. Or when somebody pulls out right in front of me when there is nobody behind me. And if somebody honks at me longer than just a beep, that drives me into a rage of epic proportions. That makes me want to do things to them that will make them wish they died as a child. Things that would make their mothers cry…oh, ya. I lost my virginity in port hope.

  2. Funny porn? Where do I sign up for that?

    I have a lot of road rage. A lot. My husband and I joke that I’m not allowed to drive on the weekends (because of the high volume of traffic in our area of people running errands or whatever).

    Where did I lose my virginity? In my mother’s backyard (aka the house where I grew up). I would sneak out of the house to meet my at the time boyfriend.

    • You seem like a little fireball. I wouldn’t fuck with you, anyhow. Besides, if you can run a half-marathon, you have way more stamina than I do.
      Good for you for not straying too far from home for sex. As for the porn writing, message me and I’ll fill you in.

  3. Drivers?!? How about the truckers that FORCE you to move because THEY decide when and where THEY are changing lanes, regardless of how close other vehicles are to them? WTF?? This just happened AGAIN the other day, and when I lay on the horn, as I was almost 2/3 along the side of this ASSHAT, HE gives ME the finger????? Really?? Wow
    Btw Birdo- been trying to google+ you, but not able to do so with an iPad….sorry :(. It’s the thought that counts, right? lol

    • That’s right, thought speaks volumes. Plus it just reaffirms my belief that I never want to own an Apple product.

  4. This is all about Birdman spreading his wings!
    Enough about the drivers!

    That is awesome for you dude. I feel happy for you. You are getting closer to what you want to do and not settle because of money.
    You’re setting a good example for others to follow. You have a good woman who’s supporting you in many ways and that right there is also motivation to keep going.
    Yeah, stop the dirty thinking all you perverts – you too BirdCouple.

    I’m proud of you Bro.
    Even though Jesus just spoke to me and called you a c-word.

    Go celebrate, somehow with Mrs.Birdman – if you haven’t already.

    A Gordon Ramsay term that I heard him say years ago can apply here now:
    “You should be walking around all proud cock.”

    I’ll leave it at that.


    • Oh Brad Rose, you’re incorrigible. I tip my proverbial hat to you sir, and I bid you a prosperous, and healthy life.

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