I have a private question for your advice column. I take it from your blog you are a smoker so here goes…. The guy I was goin to for years is out of the business. I’m looking for someone in the area who can hook me up from time to time. I’m hoping you know someone I might be able to meet. I’m dying here if you could help me out at all I’d really appreciate it.. Thanks Birdman.
Dry and Grounded
Dear Dry and Grounded,
I take it from your demeanor that you have glaucoma or anxiety, and are legally allowed to use marijuana for medical reasons, so I will answer your question.
First of all, I am unable to use marijuana, because of possible drug testing for work, so I am not in anyway an expert on finding a disreputable dispenser of cannabis or it’s derivatives.
That said, I can tell you about a fellow that deals only in the finest medical-grade herbal medicine available. If you go and hang out in front of the mall after 4pm, you will see a guy in a checkered coat. Mention in passing, that the weather is hard on your joints, nerves, eyes or whatever and he will make a call. Don’t ask questions, and don’t stare at his goiter, just get in the black A-Team style van that pulls up. Remember, don’t stare at his goiter.
When you get the things you need, you should head to the Intergalactic Trading Company at 410 1/2 George St N, Peterborough ON, K9H 3R5 (705)-749-3070 and grab yourself a pipe, or a vaporizer for ummmmm, incense.
Enjoy the rest of your day,
Now, hold the phone, Dry, if that is indeed your ‘real’ name. I suspect you realize that MaryJane is neither lawful or recommended under current Canadian law. I haven’t checked lately, but the last time I heard of someone firing up a spliff in public, there were handcuffs involved. The police pooh-pooh the use of illegal narcotics in this province, and in all the others too, I suppose.
In the immortal words of Mr. Garrison:
However, in the event that my stern warning falls on deaf ears, I want to share a cautionary tale with you.
Once upon a time, there was a young man who loved to curl up with a big gagger and relax on his days off. One terrible day, he realized that his supplies were getting dangerously low, due to the fact that his rat-faced roommate had been dipping into his secret stash on the sly.
That very day, the young man set out on an epic journey to find some sweet, sweet green. He met with blank stares and apathy, until one kind soul pointed him to the very gentleman outside the mall with the goiter and the shifty eyes. After making the required small talk, the black van appeared, and he was unceremoniously shoved into it’s waiting cargo area.
Three days later he awoke in a bathtub filled with ice, and down one kidney.
All I can say is that if I ever need a kidney, the Birdman is all tapped out. I think you know what I am getting at here. At least SOMEONE should learn from the Birdman’s mistake.
Smoke ’em if you got ’em,