God Damn!!! I Wish I Was The Bloggess

I was just reading the latest post on thebloggess.com when I noticed her advertising page. I, being a curious looky-loo, decided to check it out, because I remember DJP mentioning that it was the best investment he had ever made for his blog Thoughts From Paris. Holy shit! That’s a whole fucking career right there. I counted over five grand a month, just in revenue from other bloggers. That doesn’t include the corporate sponsors and revenue from writing for other blogs and newspapers. As I was cleaning up the [easyazon_link identifier=”B0014COKYU” locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]shit that had sprayed out all over the place[/easyazon_link] when I realized that someone could actually make a living at this type of thing, I started thinking about what I need to do to make even a couple Gs a month.

I wish I could be a mommy blogger. Stepdaddy bloggers are a bit of a niche market. I do have a vagina though

I guess I could learn to write better posts. Instead of pounding out a thousand words a day and being rushed, I could relax a bit and try to write bigger and better quality articles, and focus more on topics that matter to people other than myself. Maybe I should do more self promotion, and look into where I could go to get a fucking job doing this. I don’t know if anyone is looking for an irreverent, irrelevant, and dirty-minded quasi writer, but if you hear of anybody, let me know. Another thing I could do would be to tone down the filth. I’ve noticed that other bloggers (not including The Suniverse), don’t go overboard. I really like Suniverse; she’s kind of like the yin to my yang when it comes to bloggers. I guess I should start taking some writing classes as well. I imagine that if you plan on getting paid, you should know proper punctuation, sentence structure and all that shit that goes with being a big time blogger.

Ah fuck it. I’m not going to do all that shit. I’m happy watching my Ad-sense every day and getting excited when it hits a buck. I’m happy because I’m not a writer, and I don’t have to watch my language here. I will say what I want to say, and do what I want to do, and collect my paltry earnings to put back into the economy. I guess even if I could [easyazon_link identifier=”B015DC55OA” locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]get a job writing[/easyazon_link], I’d still keep this blog, because I love it; I really do. I wake up each morning and check the blog to see if anyone has “liked” it on the actual blog. Not on the link to the blog, that doesn’t count as much. I mean at the end of the post where you see that Steve Tackaberry, Yvette Carnell and 4 other friends like this post. When you click “like” there, it posts it to your page and lets all of your friends see that you like it. That means a lot to me, and I imagine every other writer, artist or [easyazon_link identifier=”149121306X” locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]porn star on the internet[/easyazon_link]. It means that you don’t care that your friends see you enjoying the ramblings of a dirty old man, and not only don’t you care, you may even want them to read it as well. I get a little lump in my throat when I think that someone actually told their friends to check out the blog. That’s pretty huge in my book. Maybe it’s because I’m such small potatoes that I sit here checking every email to see if someone commented, and anticipating the time that I’ll get a moment to check and respond.

This will be just like the one cleaning the house


…and this will be the gardener

I hope that one day I’m making enough money that I can take you fuckers for granted and not respond to your comments because I’m to busy buying adopting eighteen year old Vietnamese girls. I would only do that to give them a better chance at a good life, and keep them out of the illegal sex trade. I know we could use a hand around the house, and if I could find one that was good at gardening I’d sure be jumping on that one. The thing I like about the skinny Asian chicks is that you get a really good worker, and they don’t eat fuck all in a week. They will probably be able to live on things that they harvest in the swamp we call a back yard. There’s all kinds of shit living back there. Frogs, birds, a wasp nest, and some times the neighbour’s cat can be seen wandering around in the long grass. It’s wet enough that she could grow [easyazon_link identifier=”B004NRLAVY” locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]rice[/easyazon_link], and maybe a good [easyazon_link identifier=”B0010VUG0C” locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]asparagus[/easyazon_link] patch. Now that the little pond is dug there, we have all kinds of watercress that she could harvest and sell to the Foodland down the street. I imagine that we’d make more money if we threw a [easyazon_link identifier=”B01CA4S758″ locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]bikini[/easyazon_link] on her and her “sisters” that will be working inside the house, and had them sell the rice and watercress at the end of the driveway, but then you have to worry about the rummies and the Festers trying to steal them. We sure don’t want that, do we?

Where the hell was I going with this story? Oh yeah, I was wanting to be the Bloggess. Well, I have to admit that I haven’t read a lot of her stories, but I’ve read about ten or so. I’ve really liked three of them and loved one. She has a style that is to be envied, but would I want to be her? No. I love being me, and I bet she loves being her. She gives me something to look forward to, and also something to look back on. I do plan on reading more of her back catalogue, and keep up on her new stuff. I think she is a genius when it comes to knowing what people want to read, and when it comes to living her life doing great things to make people happy. My hat is off to her, and many others like her. Right now though, I’m going to read a couple of Youngman Brown’s old posts, to see if he’s got any more hidden gems in there. That guy is a good writer, and from what I can tell, a pretty decent guy. The nice thing is that he doesn’t have hundreds of posts to sift through, and we can kind of play catch up while we watch his life unfold. He’s the reason I know about The Suniverse and the Puppy Bowl, and also the reason I have a rash on the back of my leg.

[easyazon_link identifier=”B00B2WQV2G” locale=”US” tag=”granligh-20″]Hey farmer farmer, put away the DDT now[/easyazon_link],


P.S. My friend Brad Rose put that song in my head, and it won’t go away. Maybe if you check out his site at livingbetter.me you’ll not only find some cool info about living a cleaner life, you’ll keep him busy and he won’t be posting catchy lyrics on Facebook.


8 thoughts on “God Damn!!! I Wish I Was The Bloggess

  1. Very, very cool of you to say such kind words. I really appreciate it.

    I am also right there with you in feeling honored when people take the time to comment, follow, retweet, or like me. It is definitely inspiration to keep writing, but moreso justification that other people just might think the way I think.

    But of course it is even more amazing when other bloggers give such a kind shout-out (and in the same paragraph as The Bloggess, nonetheless!)


    • Anytime. We really do like your stories. Some more than others, as would be expected, but every one is very well written. You have a gift, and I’m happy that you are using it. You keep writing them, and I’ll keep reading.

  2. Big cry-baby. I liked the post, on facebook that is. Maybe you should start a BirdBloggess website. It could have the tag line “Just like the bloggess, only better”.

    Glad to see the “read more” links. Check the one on the “Biblical Translations” post, there’s something wrong with it.

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