Fuck money. Yep, I said it. It makes sense now. Yesterday I was all like “I need to work in the oilpatch, so I can have extra money for in the spring, because when I come home, I’ll have to take a shitty paying job that I don’t hate.” Yeah, well I know all kinds of people with shitty paying jobs that seem to enjoy their lives; they don’t have to leave their loved ones at home, while they try to hunt down a couple of bucks. That’s right, they enjoy their lives, and here I am, with my life at an all time high with no apex in sight, but I’m a miserable wretch. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need someone to sit me down and explain things when I get all crazy and shit. Maybe a good sound drubbing would have made me see the light, or an intervention could possibly have been the ticket. Either way, I would rather work two jobs, and get to see my beautiful ladies every night, than spend another month here. Did you see my birthday video? If you didn’t, go back a couple of posts, it’s fucking superlative. Mrs. Birdman made up a surprise video birthday card, and I honestly was laughing through my tears. Some of the people were dear, old friends, some were dear, new friends, but they all had one thing in common, they all wanted to wish me a happy birthday. I can’t even begin to imagine how she pulled it off, but I’m glad she did. It was the kick in the ass that I needed, and after watching it, I thought that I’d better get packed up, and get the fuck out of here, before it’s too late.

It’s about time to go, anyways. The price of natural gas is down, so things are getting pretty slow around here lately. I could go work somewhere else I guess, but I don’t see any point in that. I was going to be leaving in a few weeks anyhow, and I don’t feel like going through the bullshit of getting hired on somewhere, only to leave a few weeks later. Truth be told, I’m just grasping for excuses. Same as I was doing last year when I came home early. I am so in love, that it seems to overrule logic. I get to the point where there will be my intelligent brain in one hand, and my instinctual brain in my other hand. I always seem to drop my intelligent brain on the ground, and it usually ends up with gravel and cigarette butts stuck in the grooves. I didn’t even have to hold them after I watched the video that you guys made. I just decided, right then and there that I was coming home as soon as I can get out of this shitty camp. That’s right, I’m heading home. I called the boss, and told him that I was done as soon as this shale haul was over, but if he needed to work one of the other guys, that he could switch me out whenever.

The Players

Look at his wee little fingers

Of course he'll win; he has a pitchfork for Christ's sake











I’m hoping he’ll take me up on it, but who knows for sure? I guess I could ask God? Nah, I don’t think he/she knows. The only thing God knows how to do is to manipulate poor old Jimmy Swaggart and Oral Roberts to get him/her some more money. God don’t give a shit how they get it either. As long as the Lord receives his due, everyone will be fine. Well, except for the people who can’t afford healthcare, and clean water. They don’t get off so easy, do they? But what they don’t realize is that they are actually the lucky ones, because they are going to be living forever, a lot sooner than everyone else. Oh yes, they are going to the promised land to be with their father, Curt Cobain, and Jesus. They don’t have to suffer here on earth, to help save the rest of the flock and get them on their way to heaven, they are the flock, and it’s time for them to go.

The Stakes

It's just a planet. There are lots of them out there

Anyhow, back to the subject at hand. Money. The root of all evil, or so they say. I think it would be more accurate to say that money is a tool of evil. We are the root. Not you and I per se, but people as a whole. There is corruption in all of us, and you can call it what you want, but it’s all bad. I guess it’s just how we handle it as individuals that sets us apart from each other. I know that some people can resist the urge to rob, cheat and abuse their fellow man, but then there are the ones that seem to thrive on it. They can’t get enough to slake their thirst for money, power or the infliction of pain. I sadly look at the leaders of our countries, religions, and most charities and corporations when I speak of these utterly douchy crimes against humanity.

———–Your Genes———–

Star Trek sucks, bitch

Make me a sammich!!!

Where'd them cookies go?


As a general rule, the average person doesn’t have the greed gene in them. If they do, it is dwarfed by the “drunk and angry” gene, the “I need to get high gene”, and the “I ate too many cookies” gene. Those three are closely related, and while the latter will some times be there on it’s own; it always follows the second one. We just don’t have it in us. I’ve never wanted to get something so bad, that I’d be willing to step on someone to reach it, and I sure wouldn’t throw a friend or co-worker to the wolves, just to get ahead in a career. Maybe I lack ambition, maybe I lack focus, but I sure hope I’m never lacking in integrity or class. I’m just throwing class in there as a hope, because we all know that I could use a little more of that. I should probably get a bit of couth thrown in there as well, because we all know what happens when I’m drinking.

Well, there you go, I’ve rambled on and gone over my thousand words again. Sorry JSA. I don’t know if I ever got to the point, but I’m going to be coming home early, and looking for work, because I’m sick of not slow dancing in the kitchen, cocooning, and tucking kids in. If anybody knows someone that’s looking for a guy to get things done, you let me know. I’m a relatively quick learner, and I have all kinds of hidden talents, so just ask me, and I’ll tell you whether I can do it. I’d prefer a work from home position, but if it’s not too far from Colborne, I’d be cool with anything else. I was thinking about designing and building some high end ice huts, seeing as ice fishing is legal on Rice Lake now, so if you’re looking for one, you know how to reach me. Okay, that about wraps this up, and I hope to see you very soon.

Roll on highway, roll on along, roll on Daddy ‘til you get back home,


13 thoughts on “Money

    • Yes, you sure will. I’m so excited that I am not going to bother trying to surprise you this year. I’m just going to come home.


    Birdman, you are not alone.
    Follow your heart.
    Keep keeping it real and things are going to happen ( they already are as you have a wonderful life you are coming back to ).
    Yes, fuck money.
    I’ve been saying that for years.
    Leave early.
    I’m happy for you.
    It will work out.
    Need a coach/someone to talk to?
    Contact me.
    You’ re feet are firmly planted in reality and you’re seeing life through your heart.
    Millions of people could learn a lot from you brother.
    Keep me posted.
    Stay safe.
    Keep it real.
    You inspire.

    • Thanks Brad, Your comments always make me happy. I will come and see you for sure, as soon as I get back there. I will have nothing but time by then. I like the way you think, and moreover, the way you act. I really look forward to meeting you and Christine.

  2. sorry it didnt work out so well for you out there chris….but on the positive…look what you have to come home too. my friend Gerri, who I think is absolutely one of the greatest women I have been fortunate to have in my life. I know you know this already, but you are a lucky man my friend!!!! Drive safe, and c u soon!!!!
    BTW…I think Gerri is also a lucky lady….you as well are a great man, who I count lucky to have you back in my circle…..

    • I know Krista, and thank you for always being so positive, sweet, and open. I’m really happy that we have reconnected after all these years, and look forward to many more. You are right about my sweetheart, she’s amazing and one of a kind. See you real soon.

    • Fuck ya, home early means we can get a couple more raves in before heading down south!
      meetings start within 2hrs of your arrival to the nest! update us and we will fly over! (hope the hot tub is still warm!)
      DR thought they had cleanup after Katrina – they haven’t seen nothin yet!

  3. Hey Birdman,
    We’re here for you buddy.
    Do me a favor and continue to spread your commonsense around, OK?
    You’ll look back on the decision you made about coming home as one of the best decisions you made in your life….

  4. Surprisingly I did read the whole thing. All the while thinking “what a pussy”. But I understand, I think both “players” look like they’re the devil. No wonder you wanna come back. That plus you’re a big cunt -but we all know that from an earlier video footage. But enough with the compliments. You Sir, put the ass in class. I hope you wear a pink dress when you come back.


    Please note that Kurt (Cobain) is spelled with a “K” like kewl, not a “C” like cunt. Why does it take an angry French man to notice that!?


  5. Chris. I am very very very very happy you are coming home early. I look forward to one of the most honest hugs I will ever receive. Please let me know when you are leaving and please please please drive carefully. Love You. Very Proudly Your Mom.

    • I suppose I could give you a hug; you deserve at least one. I will drive safe, and I’ll let you know when I leave. Is this so I can’t surprise you again?

  6. I like the blog, Chris! I always wondered when you were going to start writing. Maybe the new gig could include writing a book in between handy work and igloo huts? Just a suggestion… but I always remember you having a way with words. And don’t worry about the formal job. When we follow our hearts I really believe doors open for us. Here’s to the doors waiting to open for you!

    • Thanks, I’m wondering why I didn’t start years ago. I hope you’re right, because I’m tired of doing things that I don’t like, or agree with. Oh yeah, and thanks for reading.

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