Darien Lake Is Better Before The Kids Go Back To School


Yeah, their slew of college and university students go back to school in early August, and that’s when shit falls apart. There were sporadic, and full, ride closures, and it seemed like our one kid got short shrifted almost the whole time, because her two favourite rides were shut down for the entire trip. I suppose that’s why there are such good deals later in the season, but it was still kind of bummy.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time, but that was mostly around the fire where I met some new friends, and got to see a few old ones that I hadn’t really talked to in probably twenty years. It really was great in that respect, so I feel like the trip was pretty cool in that respect.

Ride wise, not so much.

I really don’t know why, but I suspect it has something to do with my partner in crime being absent from my riding side. There’s just something about my good buddy Gadget that makes me want to thoroughly enjoy an amusement park. I guess it’s just that amusement is in his jeans. I mean genes.

Next year I’m shooting for an adult trip to Cedar Point in Ohio. It looks like the greatest fucking thrill park in the world. I hope they have the option for buying a USB flash drive like they do at Darien Lake, because I will rock that shit like Wild T and the Spirit at the Ganny.

I can’t even imagine the rush you get on Top Thrill Dragster. Take a quick look at it and get back to me.

Seems pretty straightforward.

Seems pretty straightforward.

TopthrilldragsterYep. That says 120 mph. It also says 400 ft drop.


Anyhow, I won’t go on about what might be, when I can be telling you about what was.

I truly had a great time hanging out with my new and old friends in the Darien Lake campground. There are some fun and funny motherfuckers in that gaggle of pals and I’m so glad I got to share a bit of space with them. Sadly we don’t have kids in hockey*, so I doubt we will get much chance to do fun shit with them for the next ten months, but I would be pretty happy if we got invited along some other time, even if it was just out for a drink and an orgy or something along those lines.

Oh yeah, and I got a snowblower for the tractor.

It wasn’t the snowblower I drove for hours to find, only to see that it wasn’t the one that was advertised on Craigslist.

Fuck you, Craig. I got lost and drove through a pretty ghetto area of Buffalo looking for that piece of shit that wasn’t even the one I needed. Why don’t you penalize people for falsely advertising shit on your website?

I ended up getting one from a guy on the way home, and other than having to drive around to get to a bank machine that would accept Canadian debit cards, everything went pretty smooth. Here it is in all of it’s glory.

Ain't she a beaut?

Ain’t she a beaut?

Another highlight to my week was Vanilla Thunder and the Dumpster Jumper trying to out New York us in the pronunciation of Irondequoit Dodge, North Tonawanda, and assorted offerings from J&E Grocery 139 Reynolds Street. It truly was a glorious exchange, and you should of seen the look of jealousy when I told them I had driven by Max Pies and Transitowne Chrysler Dodge Jeep. It was worth every bit of fear that I felt as it started getting dark and I still hadn’t got the bacon for breakfast.

Sooooo, I’ll leave it with you as to when you go to Darien Lake. If you want to hang out and don’t care too much about the rides, then by all means, take the good deal and go anytime after the first week of August. If you like the rides and attractions to be open a lot, then you might want to get there in June or July.

Just sayin’

I get high, I get high on speed, top fuel funny car’s the drug for me,


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