I have been sitting here at the kitchen table trying to think of something funny, something inspiring, actually…just something of any sort.
I’ve got nothin’.
I’m thinking this will be a blog post about nothing, because that is how I am feeling.
In 36 hours I will be putting my beloved on a plane, so he can fly 4000 kms away from me to spend the next 5 weeks working his ass off. Yeah, that sucks. We know we have a great thing here, and that we are being whiny bitches by falling apart over these little absences, but to us, 5 weeks will feel like 5 years.
They say it takes 21 days to start a new habit, and using that math, we will be living the single life in about 3 weeks. Not the single life where you go out to the bars hoping to meet Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Now. I’m talking about the times when you feel very alone in the world, even though you are in a crowded room. It is fixing to be five weeks of awful lonely and terribly moody. I apologize in advance.
When I am around the Birdman, he gives me the most amazing feeling of happiness, contentment and safety. When he wraps his arms around me, I know I am safe and loved. I am beloved to him, and there is truly no better feeling than seeing yourself through the eyes of a person who loves you completely and without barriers. I would not give this feeling up for anything in the world, and I am certain that if our relationship were to end, I would never again find this kind of happiness with another person.
This is why I dread these separations so much. I identify with our shared life so strongly, that being apart makes me feel like I am decidedly off-balance when we are apart. When he leaves, I am half of a whole stumbling around without direction. I feel cranky, irritable, mean and spiteful when he is gone. I feel bad for anyone who has to come into contact with me. I am a miserable bitch.
So, I have decided to come up with a list of things that I can do to keep busy while my sweet baby is away. Here goes:
1. I could re-arrange all the closets in this house.
This isn’t a bad plan actually. There is shit in those closets that has survived 2 moves, undisturbed. There are things in there that have a fine layer of dust from not being moved in so long. In my front closet alone, there is sporting equipment from 3 seasons that could be organized in a neat and orderly fashion. Then again, who am I kidding? Why fix what’s not broken?
2. I could begin THE LIST.
You know the one. For the you-know-what that is happening in about 5 months. I could finalize all of the names and start collecting addresses. I could neatly compile all of the data into some sort of computer program that would save me a great deal of time in the future when i am trying to mail out invitations and such. Meh. Then again, this wedding has been doing a fine job of planning itself, so maybe I’ll just go with that.
3. I could edit.
Actually this is pretty close to what I will spend the next 5 weeks doing. I should use the time productively to get caught up in my work, plan my future sessions, and update the monstrosity that is my own blog. Oh how I have grown to despise that thing over the last few months. After I came this close to losing it all, and then being able to restore most of it, I have truly lost the love for it. It’s like the red-headed step-child that I am trying to ignore. It keeps rearing it’s head to let me know it’s still there, but I continue to find any excuse to pretend it will function fine without any effort at all. If only this was the case.
4. I could hit the gym.
This is another one of the plans that will probably stick. I actually like working out, and I have missed it. I bought myself a fancy-dancy heart-rate monitor with a chest strap and everything. I used it today and was blown away by the results. It really helps you get yourself into the target zone and stay there. I’m thinking that re-committing to my favorite ‘me’ activity is a great way to relieve stress, fight boredom, and get a bit more ready for the event that requires me to wear a dress that looks like it belongs on the top of a cake. You will know me when you see me….I’ll be the giant ball of white making the doe-eyes at the groom.
5. I could try to make time to see my friends.
I love my friends. They are the peanut butter to my jelly, and I really can’t get enough of them. Such smart, beautiful and funny ladies make the time fly by. Yep, I’m definitely putting my favorite bitches on the visiting rotation. I can’t thank these women enough for always being there with a text, a phone call or dropping by just to make sure I have gotten out of bed that day. Also, the daily reminders to shower are helpful and I thank you all. I will be flopping on your collective couches, drinking your delicious coffee, and whining in your living rooms before you know it. 🙂
Well, now that I have the makings of a plan, I feel a tiny bit better about what is to come. I am going to try to focus on doing some of the things that will help the time move faster, and bring me closer to the sunny holiday that awaits my sweet baby’s return. I’m dusting off the swimming costume, and getting ready to hit the beach.
You’re like a Sunday morning, pleasin’ my eyes
You’re a mid-summer’s dream under a star-soaked sky
That peaceful, easy feelin’ at the end of a long, long road