Aug 14

I’m Sort Of Lucky

birdmandesk

I say “sort of lucky”, instead of “sort of unlucky”, because I’m a “glass is half full” kind of guy and I’m lucky in the things that matter.

Take for instance, my marriage. It’s pretty fucking superb. Sure, I got laid off today, but I came home to a big hug and a firm “Don’t worry, it will be fine.”

It’s pretty hard to top that in my book. She’s the best partner in life that anyone could ever want. When I’m feeling down, she’s there. When I’m feeling up, she’s there too. She’s my balance, my light, and my safe harbour. I never have to worry about shit when I’m with her.

In my past I’ve been with people who would automatically freak out if my hours got cut in a slow period. I mean lose it to the point of crying and not being able to sleep, even though I was still working fifty plus hours a week. It was just a bad reaction to change.

crying

How are we supposed to live on full time hours? We’re going to starve to death.

It gave me pretty bad anxiety, but I’m all good now. ūüôā

Oh yeah, I got laid off. Kind of sucky, but I knew it was coming eventually, and it lasted longer than it was supposed to, so I’m pretty happy about that. I really enjoyed that job, even though I had to physically work harder than I have in twenty years¬†or so. I was learning new things every day, and I got to meet a shitwhack of excellent people. The salt of the earth, if you will. I also have a recall date for next spring if I don’t have a job by then.

I fucking well better have a job by then.

Even if I have to work odd jobs all summer, and head back to the patch for a few rounds this winter, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be doing something.

I was sort of contemplating doing snow removal this winter*, because I have a plow for the four wheeler and I’m picking up a snowblower for the tractor.They both have cabs for them, so it seems like the biggest part of the company is already started. I suppose I’ll have to register something and do a bit of door knocking to get the word out, but hey, I’ve got nothing but time now.

Totally not me.

Totally not me.

Whether I’ll have any time in the winter is another story.

* Give me a dingle if you’re in the Colborne area and need your driveway done this year.

These are just things I keep mulling over. Lucky for me, I have choices and possibilities. A lot of folks don’t get that luxury. I couldn’t imagine being stuck in a life that I loathe, just so I can exist on a molecular level. I know that there is always the hope that things will get better, but man, if I had lived my 42 years simply to keep breathing and working a job I hate, I don’t think I would have bothered.

Another way that I’m extremely lucky is my friends and family. They’re top notch, AAA people that I sincerely love to be around. I wish I had my own company with a big enough payroll to hire them all, but that’s a bit crazy. I mean, think about it. Who the fuck is going to pay us all to hang around the board room, playing absinthe pong, shuffleboard, and seeing who is the best at axe throwing? (I bet it’s Stanley)

You will never live a boring life, that's for sure.

You will never live a boring life, that’s for sure.

Nobody. That’s who. Unless there was some rich moron that just wanted to laugh all the time and go to fun parties, but didn’t want to take the time and effort that you would need to make your own friends to party with. I suppose that if such a person existed, they would gladly pay us our fee, because we are the funniest, most fun loving bunch that you shall ever cross paths with. It’s pretty nice that I can sit with any random assortment of my pals, and have an absolutely great time.¬†I think that’s pretty rare. I feel like I won a life lottery or something.

Could you imagine being miserable all the time. How draining is that? I remember when I was younger, I thought that good things should just fall into my lap. When they didn’t, I was visibly upset. I couldn’t understand why people didn’t see how great I was, and why they weren’t just offering me a fabulous life. To counter-attack, I would do a minimal amount of work, because in my opinion, I was getting a minimal amount of money. I kept asking myself: Why did they all have to be such assholes? Don’t they know that I am destined for greatness?

Apparently they didn’t.

That was when I decided that I needed to change my work ethic. I noticed that when I was doing something I enjoyed, I would try harder to do a good job, to get better at it. This in turn, rewarded me by getting me raises, bonuses, and other fringe benefits. That made me want to work harder,.

You see the cycle here?

It took me a long time, but I figured out that you need to do jobs that interest you. If you don’t, you’ll be hating it within a month, and sabotaging yourself within six. That’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to whoever hired you.

I’m not saying you have to absolutely love your job, but you need to be interested in it.

Anyhow, enough droning from me. Sorry that all of this didn’t end up with a point, but what can you do?

She’s got an alligator bag, top hat to match, dressed in black on black,

Birdman

Aug 06

Who’s A Hep Cat?

mindofbirdman

Last week I got a message from the World Hepatitis Alliance on a thing called Blogdash. I forgot I had ever signed up for it, but here it was doing the job I had expected it to do a long time ago. Getting me advertisers and people to sponsor posts and all that other sellout shit.

world_hepatitis_day copy

I normally charge $100 for writing a post to hawk someone’s wares, but with these people I couldn’t figure out what it was that they were selling. They wanted me to share a video about hepatitis, so I figured it must be pills or vaccines or something like that. I watched the video and it was strange, but memorable. There was talk about the blue and red pill, so I figured it was a lead in to the site that you could buy them and either prevent or cure that case of Hep B that you caught from a wild weekend at that festival with the Chili Peppers. I see these scare tactics all the time. They show you a bunch of dangers that are unlikely to happen, then BAM, “Here’s how we can help.”

But there was no site. No mention of where you could buy these pills. I asked Kelly what they were selling as I gave my prices.

“There is no product. This is a campaign to raise awareness about Hepatitis. This video was created for this purpose. All information is at the end of the video.”

Know_It

Huh. I guess I had better rethink my prices. We settled on a greatly reduced rate that would be payable to either our Movember campaign or our Float Your Fanny fund. I don’t like taking money from charities that I believe in, but I figured that it was okay if it went to another good cause. Right?

Then I started to think about how I know nothing, or next to nothing, about hepatitis. I know Pamela Anderson has it, and that’s about it. I asked Kelly for some material to put in, because I wasn’t what you would call “knowledgeable” on the subject. She sent me the info, but because their focus is on the video, it didn’t make a blog post.

This is a tweaked version of what was sent:

The World Hepatitis Alliance is calling for urgent action to address this disease that’s killing as many as HIV/AIDS. They are NOT looking for a donation, it’s just a polite request that you share an important video to help raise awareness of the disease. These are a few facts about hepatitis that.

  • The Global Burden of Disease study showed that viral hepatitis was responsible for almost 1.45 million deaths in 2010, the same as HIV/AIDS and significantly more than TB or Malaria.

  • 500 million people are living with chronic viral hepatitis. Hepatitis B and C are ‚Äėsilent‚Äô viruses, because people may experience no symptoms.

  • In 2010 the World Health Organisation openly recognised that viral hepatitis is a major cause for concern by making World Hepatitis Day one of only 7 world health days officially recognised by WHO and all Member States.

 

 

I got thinking about how lucky I am that I don’t have to know about this disease, but also how naive I am to think I don’t need to find out.

I started with my trusty Wikipedia and found out how you can get hepatitis.

Almost any way you can think of. I had always thought you had to get a tattoo from that shady guy working out of a rubbermaid tote behind the old tannery, but that’s not the case at all. You can get it from eating, drinking, breathing, or thinking about sharing needles with someone who masturbated to the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee video.

That doesn’t mean that you will get it, but you can, so it’s best to be careful. Go to¬†http://www.worldhepatitisalliance.org/¬†and read up on this filthy disease. What’s it going to hurt?

I caught you knockin’¬†at my cellar door,¬†I love you, baby,¬†can I have some more,

Birdman

Jul 24

I Had A Shit Day At Work

But I had an awesome night when I got home.

Wanna know why?

I noticed that we had reached 100000 page views on this crazy blog, and I have you motherfuckers to thank for that.

From the bottom of my heart.

From the bottom of my heart.

Really though. I was having a look at my dashboard tonight, and I see this

That sure makes my shit day seem a lot better.

That sure makes my shit day seem a lot better. (Click on photo to see some of the search terms. They’re crazy.)

The other nice thing that happened when I got home was that I ate ice cream from the tub, then had a shower, then ate a whole [easyazon_link identifier=”1607746050″ locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]pizza[/easyazon_link], then had more ice cream from the tub.

Wanna know why?

I’m a bachelor for 2 nights this week.All the girls are gone to the cabin, while I got to stay home and work. Last night I cooked a pound of [easyazon_link identifier=”B000SSV8AA” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]bacon[/easyazon_link] and a dozen [easyazon_link identifier=”B00A4L9NEY” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]perogies[/easyazon_link] in the bacon fat. I then slopped a bunch of sour cream on them and set to eating. That’s what bachelors can do if they want to. It also provided me with breakfast and lunch today, so don’t freak out thinking I ate it all in one sitting.

I miss my baby though. The dog only takes up a small part of her side of the bed; mostly just the [easyazon_link identifier=”B00EINBSEW” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]pillow[/easyazon_link] and about six inches below it. He doesn’t keep me warm at all, and struggles sometimes when I spoon him. He likes it when his mom is gone, because he loves to curl up on her pillow without being degraded for his massive shedding problem. It’s not his fault his mom and dad made him. Poor little fellow.

Anyhow, This is all I have time for, because I need to rest my old body. I climbed so many [easyazon_link identifier=”B008DM8K22″ locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]ladders[/easyazon_link] today that my arms screamed in pain and told me to just let myself fall. I was going to listen to them, but then I saw how high eighty feet in the air is. I found a little more strength to complete my quest. I can feel my ass and shoulders aching now. I can’t imagine how sore I’ll be tomorrow.

Tomorrow I get to work on fixing today’s fuck ups.

You know that feeling you get when you’ve never done something before but you’re expected to do it, because it’s your job? That was me today. Totally out of my element and nervous as hell. Oh well, I didn’t get yelled at by the boss, but I still feel pretty shitty about it. It’s just one of those things that can’t be helped, so you just have to keep plugging away.

And that’s what I shall do. Hey, thanks again for reading my blog. It’s one thing that I love doing and feel totally at ease when I’m here. That’s because of you. Pat yourself on the back or go have a wank. You deserve it.

[easyazon_link identifier=”B003TAIWOO” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]Put your right hand out, give a firm handshake, talk to me about that one big break[/easyazon_link],

Birdman

Jul 18

Darien Lake And The Best Deal In The World

mindofbirdman

You probably think I’m talking about the very affordable rates that they have with their vacation packages, or the slushie cups with the ninety nine cent refills, but I’m not. I’m talking about the USB flash drive that you can buy from any of the rides with photo booths. Those things give you unlimited ride photos, and they’re good for the whole season. If you remember Season 1 of Darien Lake, then you’ll remember the photo of Gadget and I on the Ride Of Steel. My wife paid $10 for that photo and we vowed we were going to get a bunch more this year.

We did.

We started out on Moose On The Loose, because it had been a while since we had gone on any rides, and we wanted to start small and work our way up.

I shouldn't show this, because I took my hand off the handle. The cute teenaged girl told me not to.

I shouldn’t show this, because I took my hand off the handle. The cute teenaged girl told me not to.

I actually didn’t see the camera, even though it was about the size of a Chevy Sprint and I was looking right at it. I had to ask the girl where it was after the ride was over. That’s when these next ones were taken.

Gadget didn't care what the young staffers thought about two grown men riding moose named Carl and Jimmy.

Gadget didn’t care what the young staffers thought about two grown men riding moose named Carl and Jimmy through the wilderness.

We then got out the props. Continue reading

Jun 26

Archery, Laughter, and Home Made Beer

(On Saturday June 22nd, cancer took my uncle. I’m a little bit pissed, but mostly just happy to have known him for as long as I did. He was a great uncle, and a great friend.)

Here he is with his brothers at Uncle Randy's wedding. He's the dapper fellow in white.

Here he is with his brothers at Uncle Randy’s wedding. He’s the dapper fellow in white.

When I was trying to think of a title for this post, I kept swirling around things about Uncle Larry that stuck in my mind. He was so many things, but who wants to have a fifty seven word title? I had to narrow it to just three things.

Home made beer was a no brainer for me. I remember when he started making it. I was far too young to drink, but he or Paul would give me a sip when they were testing out a new batch. Sure there was an inch of sediment in the bottle and it tasted like compost smells, but he kept making it. Luckily he was someone who didn’t give up and it got better as he learned, so by the time I was of drinking age, it tasted pretty damn good. Well, I wouldn’t want to drink a dozen of them, but a couple of cool ones from the cellar have been known to hit the spot. Continue reading