Therapy Thursday

Dear Birdman,
I have recently started dating a new woman. Well, we’ve had one date but plan on having another one this week. I really like this woman, and we seem to have a lot in common, but she wants to wait for 90 days before we take our “relationship” to the next level. Is this a normal thing to have happen? She says it is to get to know each other better and build trust and respect. Do I wait or try something sooner? Should I be offended or flattered?
By the way, Mrs.Birdman, you give out awesome advice. It is because of you that I had the courage to ask for this lady’s number. Thank you!

Dear Curious,

First of all, we really appreciate the fact that you send in questions. You are clearly the only reader that gives two shits about whether Therapy Thursday survives or not. Maybe you could suggest us to some of your friends, because our friends clearly have no troubles whatsoever, or they just don’t trust us enough to send in their woes. If that’s the case, make a fake hotmail account and send it in anonymously. Whatever it takes for us to keep on going, because this is all I have to make me feel important.

Sorry, I needed to get that out there. Now onto your problem. I fully believe that you should wait a bit, just while you run your background checks, and hire a private detective to take pictures of her for a week or so. Three months is a bit much though; I’d go with three weeks. You will have to shell out at least $1500 for the detective service, but it’s well worth it. If you don’t have the cash lying around, you should go to new home job sites, and strip whatever copper and brass that you can. Make sure you take them to a different town to sell the scrap, because you don’t want to be spending the winter in the hoosegow. Copper is going for around $3 a pound in our area, and you should be able to get enough out of a new subdivision to cover the P.I. Now you need to go through the pics to find out if that sneaky bitch is stepping out on you to play the field and look around for a better offer. If you see her going on dates with someone else, you can revert to the old “frozen brick of shit” trick, or give her name and address to every mailing list and infomercial known to man. Take that you unsatisfiable whore!!!

You can’t let these people walk all over you, so another thing I like to do in the trial period, is to pretend I’m exactly what she’s looking for in a mate, and hold in my real feelings until she feels comfortable around me, then…BAM. I’m bringing a broad home from the bar at two in the morning, snorting meth off of her belly and spending all of my time trying to talk to myself in the bathroom mirror, while she steals all of the meat out of the freezer. Man, why do women have to be such assholes? I’m glad I finally found a good one. Heed my advice and ye shall prosper.

You know that chick that used to dance a lot? Every night she’d be on the floor shakin’ what she’s got,


Well…I had to pick through a lot of shit to get to the corn of that message, Birdman.  Simply stated, I don’t believe you are at all qualified to give advice to death row convicts, let alone nice, actual people.  You should take down your shingle and try to avoid counselling any person for any reason.

Now, Curious, I hear what you are saying.  I know it seems like 90 days is a long time to wait to move forward in a relationship, but your new lady has her reasons.  Perhaps she’s dated other people who turn into someone else after the honeymoon phase wears off, or has moved things a bit too fast and crashed and burned because of it.  I think that starting out on solid ground is a good idea for any relationship, and learning as much as you can about that person, while the issues of sex and defining the relationship are clearly off the table, is a no-pressure way to do that.  Maybe on your 6th or 7th date, your lady will decide that you are definitely a candidate for happily ever after, and advance you further in the ‘relationship’ game.  Regardless, setting a time-limit to explore your friendship on clearly defined terms is not a bad idea at all.

As far as being offended or flattered, I would say you should be flattered.  It’s a smart and sensible woman who knows that good things start slow and gain momentum.  She obviously likes you enough to want to see you again, and she likes herself enough to be careful and selective about her prospective partner.  I like it!  Mrs. Birdman is giving this gal a very enthusiastic ‘thumbs up’!

Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic,

Mrs. Birdman

2 thoughts on “Therapy Thursday

  1. Thanks Mrs.Birdman! As usual Birdman, you suck. Good thing you have a woman. Sheesh!!

    I agree with you Mrs.Birdman. I think this lady is a keeper and I respect her very much for setting some ground rules for me. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to relationships.

    Hopefully if things work out, she can make it to the party next year.

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