Sadly, this is what I’ve resorted to. I got quite pissed off with myself yesterday and refused to do a post.
What could cause me such anger, you ask?
I don’t really know, but I was pretty pissed off and feeling alone.
If that’s possible.
I wasn’t talking about being alone in the physical, or emotional sense, because I have Mrs. Birdman for that, and I have a ton of family and friends that I can talk to. No it’s not that, but I just had this feeling.
My friends don’t understand.
Pardon? They don’t understand what?
Nevermind. Forget I said anything.
Seriously though. I’m not going crazy or anything, I’m just doing a lot of thinking, and it’s mostly to do with blogging. Blogging in the summer. It’s hard.
A blogger buddy dropped out for a bit, just the other day. I hope he comes back.
He is discouraged, and I know just how he feels. I think we all do to an extent.
I hope it’s just the season, because I hate to think that this feeling lasts a long time. This feeling of not ever making anything out of it. Blogging, I mean.
I know what you are thinking, and yes, I do sit down to pee if I have just woke up, but I’m afraid to spray it all over when I’m not quite awake yet. That, and I like it.
You are also thinking that I shouldn’t want to make anything of it anyhow. It’s just a hobby, right? Just a way to let out my creative side, and maybe make a few people laugh or cry. Why should I get anything out of it?
That’s what I’m thinking.
I think it’s just when you put so much into something, and then the return on your investment seems like it isn’t enough.
I have new readers coming in every day, and that’s awesome. You all know that I love interacting with people. It’s a good thing that those people are commenting and keeping me going, because sometimes I just get frustrated with myself and want to start knocking on doors.
Doors of my old readers.
There, I said it. It’s out in the fucking open now.
I miss my old friends. The ones who were always commenting, encouraging, and putting up with my shit. One by one, they all kind of went away. I have noticed it happening since I started the blog, and I guess it’s probably that my writing style has changed over the months, and folks just don’t like it that much.
That’s one excuse. I don’t know if it really has changed, but I need something to blame it on. Something like the amount of swearing and lewd conduct. I love to blame that for a lack of readership, because it’s easy to do. It’s way easier to think that, than to delve into the real reason.
I’ve gotten boring? I will admit that I bore myself on a good day, so it stands to reason that I may bore you too. I suppose that that is the most logical explanation. I would know, because I read/have read some blogs that I’ve unsubscribed from because they quit interesting me. It’s nobody’s fault, just the way things go. People move on, landscapes change over time. It’s a fact of life.
Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I quit blogging like I used to. Whatever that means.
I’m sorry that I take rejection to heart, but when I put something out there in this blog, it is usually me in a vulnerable state, and when every person I know doesn’t share it with every single one of their friends, I feel slighted. I’m not saying it’s normal, but that’s how I feel. I feel like it just wasn’t good enough to share.
That’s okay, maybe it wasn’t. I have to remember that this isn’t a competition. I don’t have to be the best writer. It’s a good thing too, because I don’t even rank in the top half of this amazing sphere of blog. I need to submit whatever the fuck I want, to whatever contest or group I want, and not care if their rules say I can’t do something. Kick my ass out if you don’t like it. (Kick it gently please.)
Anyhow, as usual, you people have helped me through another little funk, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Before I get on with the Words With Smarty thing, I want to tell you to get on G+, or go to Dude Write and read some of those amazing bloggers. You won’t regret it.
Okay, now for Smarty.
Words With Friends – Smarty Edition
I’m not going to explain much here, so have at it.
There you have it folks, I’ve been up for 24 hours now. I could really use a nap. I’ll be better off for thinking when I’ve got some sleep.
Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer, now go fuck your hats.
Down and out, it can’t be helped, but there’s a lot of it about,