Seriously. I’m a mess, and have been since these holidays have started. The kids have gone south with their dad, and we thought that we would just wallow in our sadness while laying in bed and maybe watch some movies. I got the LOTR trilogy from the girls, and Mrs. B hasn’t seen it, so this seemed like the perfect time to enlighten her.
The kids left on the 22nd and on the 23rd we had one of my many family dinners. That was filled with amazing food, my family, whom I love, and possibly a few beer followed by a coffee with my new love: Rum Cream. I think Lisa told me where it came from, but I don’t really remember, so I’m going to say Jamaica. It was a wonderful night, and I was glad to see my mom’s side of the family get together, because I missed last year, but I ate and drank far too much, and spent the night and next day eating Pepto and Zantac sandwiches.
The 24th was spent getting ready for the birthday of the Christ child with baking delicious cookies (I didn’t help), and making the ultimate dip (I chopped the onion and garlic). We took that to Mom’s and went up to Dad’s, where we were assaulted by a flurry of amazing food particles. There were meatballs, lasagna, garlic bread, and a bevy of hors d’oeuvres. I, of course ate too much, and then went back to Mom’s and ate a bunch more.
I can’t help myself. It’s not my fault that everyone makes such excellent food, or is it? I don’t know what makes me think I need to try everything that is offered, but I do. I guess it’s a curse, albeit not a very bad one.
Christmas breakfast was at Dad’s, then to my MIL’s for an always succulent afternoon and evening with my entertaining as hell inlaws. Mrs. B’s mom is an accomplished fattener upper of already too chubby men, and this Christmas was no different. I indulged maybe a bit too much, especially when it came to dessert. Come on, pecan pie AND cherry cheesecake? how do you say no to that?
From there it was over to my sister’s for yet another family visit, and an after dinner munch on goodies. By then I was feeling quite poorly, so I went home and did a lot of groaning and whining about how much of a pig I am.
Boxing day morning was a bit uncomfortable, but I was able to function long enough to make us some eggs and such. We had to pick up some things in town and then go visit four of the people on our favourite friends list. We figured we should have a quick lunch, so we grabbed some filthy McDonalds and ate it on the way. I actually didn’t mind the taste of the burger, and wondered if they had changed their formula. It turns out that they got rid of the pink slime that had everyone so worked up, and I’m not sure if that was it, but it seemed to taste better to me.
After stopping in to the twin boy factory, we went out to the rez, where we were served some of the fanciest treats that I’ve had the pleasure of consuming. Wash that down with some huge belly laughs, a walk through some late 80s yearbooks, and some lessons on how to be a good racist, and you’ve got a recipe for a great night out. The handful of cold beer didn’t hurt either. We really had a great time, and it was totally worth watching my lady drive home in a snowstorm to get a chance to catch up with some good people.
Fast forward to 5:26 AM on the 27th. I am throwing up some sort of a thick, dark brown/black sludge until my eyes hurt and then I brush my teeth and go back to bed for a few more hours. When I got up, I felt a lot better, and agreed to lunch with Vanilla Thunder and The Dumpster Jumper. It was a fabulous lunch, as always, at The Golden Rooster, and then we came back to the house for a visit. As soon as there was room, I ate a few of the bacon, egg, and cheese crescent rolls that I made from something that Tracie at Crack You Whip shared on Pinterest (don’t judge me), and drank a couple of sody pops.
It was discovered that we were all thinking of going to see This Is 40, so we decided to go together. A large popcorn with two extra butter, plus a few snuck in pops later, and I was feeling pretty much dead from the mind, down. Luckily the movie was the right amount of crude humour and hilarity, so it kept my mind off of my rumbling guts.
I was up half the night making bathroom runs and vowing to treat my body better, for a few days at least. I have been eating real meats and vegetables, with very little processed food, and I feel fantastic. Well, except my shoulder that I managed to fuck up before xmas. I think there is a visit to Dr. Paul in my immediate future, because he is the only one that seems to get to the root of the problem with the greatest of efficiency. Brutal, violent, painful efficiency. I may be exaggerating a bit, but it’s kind of like an abusive relationship or something. He keeps telling me that he likes me, but he has to hurt me because I bring these problems on myself. I would find him more believable if he wasn’t always grinning when he cripples me.
Okay. I am possibly a bit of a baby.
Happy new year, Fuckers
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne,
P.S. Check out last year’s NYE party. It was fun and contained occurrences of the “C” word. Don’t worry, it’s in the video part, and maybe one picture. You can still read it though. Just pretend it’s with a “K”.
And, because there’s no one to kick me out, I’m linking up with Yeah Write this week. Check out all the great writers there. I’m sure one or two of them overate too.