Holy shit, I am on the verge of tears, and have been for the last 20 minutes.
It started when I was scrolling down to proofread the blog, as I am wont to do, and I saw this on the right hand side:
A YEAR BEFORE
- On 2011-09-13: Read The Cocoon (2011-09-13)
- On 2011-09-13: Read So much for the job search. (2011-09-13)
Yeah, I know.
So much for the job search was my very first foray into blogging. It was actually the first blog post that I had ever knowingly read as well. I’m sure that some of those articles that got shared around Facebook that I glanced at were technically blogs, but as for a look into someone else’s day to day life, I was unaware that it even really existed.
I’m going to insert random pics from over the past year. No set order, just ones I like.
My then fiance told me that I should write something, because we had written so many emails back and forth, and they were probably the most brilliant works of art to ever grace the RIM email servers. (I wish I could figure out how to get them and copy them to the computer from the backup files, but I’m not too savvy about that stuff anymore.)
I said that I didn’t have the concentration to write a book, and she suggested that I write a blog. I had heard of weblogs before, but had never read one, or knew of anyone who had read one.
“Who would want to read the shit that I write?” I asked, hoping she would say that the entire population of North America, minus a small percentage of Quebec and Mexico would eagerly await my every post.
I knew within a few months that it wasn’t the way it was going to work, and I actually thought I wasn’t a very good blogger, because I wasn’t getting 10000 page views a day. I know, I was naive. I just thought that the 60 people that read my blog, should easily get 100 of their friends to read it, and so on, until most of Canada and the US would be sharing my unorthodox scribblings to all of their friends abroad. I honestly thought I was that funny and awesome.
I then went through a period of not so silently chastising everyone for not sharing every amazing post that I wrote. I’m still a little ashamed of myself for that as I look back, I really hope that you will forgive me for it. It was just delusions of grandeur and pride that had me blinded by the truth.
Ah yes, the truth. The sad, sad truth. It has taken me quite a while to come to the realization that I’m really just a mediocre blogger. The awesome thing about me is that I’m okay with it. I had to work through a lot of these feelings without knowing that I was, because I’ve never had to before. The reason for that is that I’ve never loved what I was doing enough to give a shit if I was good at it or not. I’m just an average guy, with above average dreams, and a below average ambition.
Sure I want to be a famous writer, but I’m never going to get there by blogging. Blogging is just what I love to do, and I realize that I’m not going to be a sensation overnight. It’s going to take a long time of honing, polishing, and performing oral sex on various website honchos. (I’m talking about you, Anissa ;)) In order for me to succeed at this, I’m going to have to write something. Something tangible. Something amazing.
I seriously have a hundred ideas in my head at any given time, TV show ideas, movie ideas, book ideas, but because I’m shiftless and easily distracted, they remain as such. They just never become a reality. That’s why I love blogging so much. You have an idea and you write about it. My number is 1000 words, but you can choose the number that’s right for you.
I love to write, but my mind moves too fast to be able to string together, so until I figure out a way to harness it, I will keep on blogging. Like I said, I need to polish my style, and I need to be humble while I do it. I need to understand that there are people that have been with me since the start, and even if it was just Rachel, I would still be doing this. I would be able to personalize the posts more, but I would still write something at any given chance.
I mentioned earlier that I’ve been ready to cry for a while. The thing that set me off was when I wrote on Facebook about blogging for one year, and seconds later the red notification popped up. “Rob Swan likes this”. I started to smile, because I started to think about how Rob has been reading and supporting the blog since the start. That got me choked up, and then this popped up: