Therapy Thursday

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Dear therapy thursday: I need help with my non-understanding wife, I am a stay at home dad with 2 wonderful children who are 7 and 13. I work very hard every day for my family. I volunteer at both of my kids schools and take great pride in the work that I do at the schools and at the house. Well at the end of the day I am tired, she thinks I sit around watching Soap Operas all day and should be well rested when she gets in at 5:30. She expects dinner on the table and for me to make sure the kids are behaving, I think by the time she gets home it is her turn to look after the kids and let me rest. What do you think?

Wore out in ft nelson

SmartyTalks

Hey Paco,

Jesus, man, get ahold of yourself and let’s think about this. We need to look at it from all sides. Did you tell the guy that you wanted heroin or black tar heroin?I ask, because there is a huge difference. Don’t pay nearly as much for that tar shit. Wait up, where the fuck am I? Oh shit, wrong WWW. thing, but still good advice if anyone needs it.

Dear Wore out:

That wife of yours sounds like a Betty Buzzkill. I’d be volunteering every day too. I volunteer at several local high schools around here, but I’m not allowed on the actual property. It’s cool though, because the girls I’m looking for usually cross the street for a smoke whenever they get a chance. It’s never too early to recruit.

As for your wife, I would start drinking and being belligerent as soon as she gets home. That way, when you go for a nap, she will be glad for you to go. On the other hand, you could get a job if you wanted one. I’ve spent some time in Fort Nelly, and you could get hired on by pretty well anyone there. Even if you were a one-armed crackhead, you could easily make a decent living.

Glad I could help,

Smarty

birdmandesk

Dear Wore out:

This is a tough one for me, because I’m lazy and get depressed. I was off work for a year, and was not a model husband at all. I didn’t really do much around the house, and I sure didn’t do any volunteering at the school.

Well there was that one time, but I forgot about it and thoroughly disappointed our oldest.

Anyhow, I think that cohabitation means a lot of give and take, and you probably aren’t putting in full days at the schools, even if you did go every day. I’m not saying you should cook dinner every night, but you should be sharing in the responsibility for sure.

Another thing I would recommend is getting as much sun on your skin as you can, and doing a bit of exercise. Even if it’s just going for a walk with the kids/dog/lady from the A&W. You might not feel like it, but you could have a bit of depression too. I’m not saying you do, but you might, and it’s best to nip it in the bud. Don’t be like me and sit at a computer feeling sorry for yourself all day. It will suck the fucking joy out through your eyes.

I’m sorry that I don’t have anything better, but if you two just share the responsibilities fairly, things should work themselves out fine.

I went to a shrink, to analyze my dreams, she says it’s lack of sex that’s bringing me down,

Birdman

 

Dear Therapy Thursday

My boyfriend wants to get me pregnant, but I’m only 22 and not ready for a baby. We’ve only been dating for 5 weeks. He is talking about getting married and I’m okay with that part of it but not pushing a baby out of my coocoo.

Am I being unreasonable? I think I really love him and he calls me every day.

Janine

mindofbirdman

Dear Janine:

Don’t be such a silly Billy. Back in the old days, 22 year old girls would have had four of their seven kids, a herniated disc, and something that looked like a goiter, but smelled like fermented beans. It’s the way it was meant to be.

Now I’m not saying you should have seven kids, but you spread those legs and give that boy at least three. He deserves it. He’s waited patiently for the last five weeks to slip you the unprotected bone, and you dare even question whether or not you should do it?

Hurry up and marry that dude. Have his kids, and have them fast. Who knows how soon he’ll be gone? He could be banging your sister by Saturday, and have forgotten all about you. You need to trap him, and trap him good.

If you even paid attention to what I wrote, you need help. You also need to punch yourself repeatedly in the ovaries so that you never breed.

Idiot.

Let me tell you all a story about a Harper Valley widowed wife,

Birdman

 

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