So everything in the house was split in half, i took the basic things like [easyazon_link identifier=”B001892AX2″ locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]lamps[/easyazon_link], [easyazon_link identifier=”B00JWYVC48″ locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]dishes[/easyazon_link], some furniture, etc. Just enough to set up a little place of my own.The assets we shared are a different story though. And that’s where my issue lies…. We had the mortgage and a brand new truck. And a lot of financial difficulty. We were severely in debt. So we drew up a separation agreement, and the deal was, if he released me of all debt, including removing my name off the mortgage, the truck title, any loans, I was not to try and get any money from him in the way of child support, or anything else. And he wasn’t to try and get any money from me. I was fine with that. I was to have the children a couple days throughout the week and every other weekend, until I was back on my feet.

Well, not to long ago, a lady shows up at my door with a [easyazon_link identifier=”B00T5AQ5QO” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]big brown envelope[/easyazon_link]. They were papers from the Ontario court of Justice, stating that the bank we held the line of credit with, is holding us in default. He had not made any payments on it since I left.So I don’t know where to go from here. Did I make the right decision by leaving the house and the equity behind? Should I feel bad for leaving him with the debt, even though he is receiving almost a thousand dollars a month for the kids?
I have so many people telling me I’m crazy for leaving everything behind, especially now because of the situation I am in. What would you have done in this situation?

Dear Broke,
This is probably the toughest Therapy Thursday I have ever been a part of.  I am not an actual therapist, as we all know, so please remember that what I have to say might be as relevant as a [easyazon_link identifier=”B000ZFTOPC” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]winter jacket[/easyazon_link] in the tropics.  HOWEVER, on I press….I am going to assume that you drew up this agreement together, without a lawyer or any sort of binding arbitration.  I’m not a lawyer, and this is where we run into our first hurdle.  Is your agreement legally recognized?  Is it binding?  If you both agreed to it, and one of you is reneging on his or her responsibilities, what recourse do you have?  I don’t have these answers, unfortunately.  My best advice would be for you to see a lawyer, or perhaps a mediation expert to see what constitutes a binding agreement, and if you can proceed with legal action against your ex-husband.  This path isn’t going to make you any friends, and it isn’t going to save you any money.  In the end, you may also find out that your divorce agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

Another huge problem is that while you are attempting to sort out the financial responsibilities of your ex-spouse, the bank, mortgage company, and everyone else who wants a piece of the pie is waiting with their hand outstretched.  While this mess is being cleaned up, your credit will continue to fall further and further into the [easyazon_link identifier=”B002DR78US” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]toilet[/easyazon_link].  What’s the answer?  I honestly don’t know.  If it were my situation, I think I might consider getting information on filing for bankruptcy.  If you find yourself in a terrible financial situation, and you cannot see a way out, it may be an option to start over again, and leave your debt and marriage behind you.

I realize these aren’t answers, and to be clear, I think you have some tough decisions ahead of you.  One thing you can be sure of, is that your children must be taken care of for the future.  When you find out what is necessary to obtain a binding agreement between your husband and yourself, you can attempt to close the gap that your current agreement has cause you to fall into.  Any future discussions should clearly spell out yours and your ex’s financial responsibilities, and the consequences of defaulting on them.  Be certain that the agreement is witnessed by someone whose authority has weight in court in the event that there are problems.You can’t change the past, but you can be far more proactive in dealing with the future.

You asked me what I would have done if I had been in the same situation, and to be frank, I did the same thing.  When my ex-husband and I separated, we divided up our assets, worked out a financial agreement and tried to do things in a way that would be least damaging for our children.  I believe we succeeded.  The difference is, my ex-husband upheld his financial responsibilities.  You did what you could to keep your separation amicable and to save both of you the time, heartache, and wasted money that a lengthy courtroom battle would guarantee.    Be proud in the knowledge that you did your best for your kids, and that even if it didn’t work out the way you had hoped, you conducted yourself in an honest, and fair way.  Good things are coming your way, I am sure of it.  Hang in there.  

[easyazon_link identifier=”B003UPGHWC” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free[/easyazon_link],

Mrs. B.

Wow. I’m afraid to even send this to Smarty, but I don’t think he ever made it back from visiting Mo in Texas. The last I heard was that Seth and Kari had let him crash for a night at their place, but he took off before they got up, left a big shit smear on one of their [easyazon_link identifier=”B00HTB2XOO” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]good towels[/easyazon_link], and stole/borrowed all of Seth’s [easyazon_link identifier=”B00JDMWVSU” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]Testors glue[/easyazon_link]. I’m sure if they looked hard enough, they’d notice a bag or two missing as well. Hey, Mo, if you’re reading this, please don’t let him go to Juarez. He’s into some [easyazon_link identifier=”1849535418″ locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]weird shit[/easyazon_link], and they probably provide it there.

Anyhow, back to your problem:

I really don’t think that there is much that I can say to you. Life fucking sucks sometimes, but it’s how you handle it that will define who you are. I’m a little different than my wife in the fact that I still stayed a bit shady after we got married, whereas she is pure of heart and soul. You will know if you were truly wronged in this breakup. Not the “crazy person, trying to make up reasons for your situation”, type of wronged, but the “I can’t believe that motherfucker did this to me” type of wronged.

You seem like a level headed woman from your extremely long letter, and I’m going to try to finish reading it today, but until then I will tell you to feed your kids all kinds of Mexican food before you send them back to their dad’s. If there is any other foods that make them deathly gassy, try those. Also create a couple of Facebook profiles of [easyazon_link identifier=”B01AB13T8C” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]really dirty women[/easyazon_link], and start fucking with him every time he meets a new girl. Write shit about how he should come back to you, because you just got some insurance money, and how this crack ain’t gonna smoke itself. Make sure there are scabs in the pictures. Start threatening the girl too. Tell her that if he doesn’t give her [easyazon_link identifier=”B00ROACZGG” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]herpes[/easyazon_link], you will.

If he’s been on the up and up, and is treating you fairly, then maybe just do the gassy kids, because fuck him. You need some satisfaction in this shitty world.

One more note:

Have you seen a trend in divorces that wasn’t as prevalent in the past?

It’s the huge debt load.

Let’s smarten up, people. No one wins this game except the banks. Maybe we could try doing without, until we can afford it. Save up for things. That’s how they used to do it.

[easyazon_link identifier=”B00TLAKWV2″ locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”y” tag=”granligh-20″ cart=”n” cloak=”y” localize=”y” popups=”y”]Our little boy is four years old and quite a little man, so we spell out the words we don’t want him to understand[/easyazon_link],

Birdman