Therapy Thursday

So here’s the thing, Birdmans:
I LOVE my job. I love going to work everyday. I learn something new every shift that I work. It is challenging and satisfying all rolled into one.My problem is, I hate my supervisor.He is a long winded blow hard. He can not give you a simple yes or no answer to a simple yes or no question. He doesn’t seem very consistant in how he deals with customers. Sometimes they get a deal, sometimes they don’t, and I am the one left holding the bag when talking to the customer. Don’t get me wrong, he knows his shit for sure but it’s almost like he uses it as weapon against others. So no one else knows it and he feels secure in his job.He keeps telling me I HAVE to take my coffee breaks at the proper time. OK. Fine. So when I do, he calls me and puts me to work on something that he neglected and now needs to be done asap. So I just don’t take breaks anymore. I surf on the interent instead of sitting in the break room.

The Big Boss knows about this guy. As the super is the only one who knows some of this shit, they don’ty feel like they can get rid of him. And I have only been here for 6 months so I don’t want to rock the boat. I am also trying to make a good impression so when raise time rolls around, I have a better chance of getting one.

So here’s my question.

How do I deal with this dick head?

Thanks for your trouble

Nattering In the North

Dear Nattering:This is a tricky situation. Normally I might advise you to look at the workplace standards act for your province, as I’m certain it references the amount of break time allotted to an employee and when it must be taken. Not allowing you to take your break when it’s due is probably against the law. Finding you more work to do at your break time also seems like it might be against the Employment Standards Act. Having said that, I think your hands might be tied on this one. He isn’t allowed to stalk you on your break to do his bidding, but calling him on it will probably put a big fat target on your back. There is nothing a bully likes more than someone to push around. If you speak up, and you don’t have the support of your co-workers and supervisors, you may find yourself becoming more and more alienated at work. My advice, and it is shitty this week, is to lay low, and continue excelling at the new job that you love. Hopefully your attention to detail and great customer service skills will haul your ass out of your current job, and into one where this asshat is not in a position of authority over you.I wish I had better news. Hang in there!Mrs. Birdman

Dear Nattering:
This guy sounds like a total prick, and I happen to know a few things about pricks.
One thing I know is that they always think that they are smarter than everyone else. They don’t think that people can see through them. This is what you need to play to. Butter him up as much as possible, and them feed him to the bears.
You see douchebags like this are always wanting acceptance, and if you are the one who can give them that, you will start being trustworthy to them. First you need to make up some shitty thing that happened to you that he will be able to sympathize with. You may need to do some trash can recon work for this one. Find out where he went to school, who teased him, which one of his uncles used to dance naked in the street whenever he walked by (like you didn’t have one), and play that shit up. If he was teased, tell him that the same guy/girl teased you for the same thing. Once you have him thinking that you are a good friend and a confidante, he will start trusting you more. Record every conversation that you can, but only keep the ones that can incriminate him. Bait him into admitting things that he’s done in the past, and swear secrecy on everything he tells you.
The next part is not for the squeamish.
You need to hit that motherfucker up with some roofies, and get him into some compromising situations with prostitutes. Not the clean, good looking escorts, but the dirtiest, crackiest, whores that your area has to offer. Try to get a penis or two in some pictures, but no face. Just a hint that he was taking more than his share. Make copies of that shit. Lots of copies. There’s a bonus for getting pics of him smoking crack as well.
When he comes to, pretend that you are just waking up with him, and you can’t believe what he did with those people. When he asks what you are talking about, tell him that he told you to take photos of him having an orgy with a bunch of crackheads. You didn’t want to, but he threatened your job, and you really need it. Give him the camera, and tell him to do whatever he wants with the files, but please give your camera back clean.
Not only do you now have a party pal now, but you have a supervisor that is going to treat you like gold now, and possibly will teach you things about his job. If he doesn’t, just mention that you came across some old photos and then hand him one with his face blurred out. Explain that they all aren’t so badly processed, and ask him if he wants to rethink his answer. He’ll either quit, or teach you. That’s what we call a win-win.
So you’re havin’ trouble with the high school head, he’s givin’ you the blues,
Birdman

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7 thoughts on “Therapy Thursday

  1. These Therapy Thursday posts are great! I think they’re my favorites though I still haven’t thoroughly snooped on here. Awesome work you guys!

    • Thanks, Lilly. You are among the six people that enjoy them, or at least admit to enjoying them. People are afraid to let their likes be known for some reason.

      • People are fucking weird, who knows. But I’m sure more than six people like them. Maybe they’re just shy. I would definitely keep doing them though, in case you wanted my opinion.

  2. Thanks Mrs.B. I just keep plugging along. The hardest part is keeping my mouth shut and not telling the guy to eat my shorts.

    Birdman, your idea has merrit for sure. But it would mean spending more time with the guy then I really want to. Even if he is passed out on roofies.

  3. Hmmm, I’m going to have to take Birdman’s advice on how to deal with some annoying people in my life….

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