Therapy Thursday

Dear Birdman: My boss recently challenged me to a game of Words With Friends.  I crushed him.  He challenged me to a rematch with the message, “Don’t beat me too bad this time lol.”  How should I approach?  Keep in mind that he is my boss.

Youngman Brown of Good Youngman Brown fame

Dear: Youngman Brown of Good Youngman Brown fame

Thank you for sending in your little dilemma. I hope you don’t mind that I took liberties with your name. I was just hoping that my readers would click on the link to see if they could learn about the different smells at the bottom of the pool.

You have a really good question here, and I’m sure my lovely lady has a better answer than mine, because I say to nail him again. Do it hard, and do it fast. Prison style. No lube and no foreplay.

After you are done, go and find that little baby, get up in his grill, and scream “In your face, beeotch.” Then mention how good his mom and sister are in bed, and start cleaning out your desk/locker or wherever your shit is stored. No one wants to work for a douchebag like that, and even if you did, you are going to be fired shortly, so go out with a bang dude.

I may or may not have had similar experiences in the past, and they mostly all end the same. With the exception of Mike, who owned a trucking company in northern Ontario. He choked me into unconsciousness, and then dragged me behind his pickup until I woke up again, but you will be okay, they don’t have crazy people in the city.

My lady is too busy to answer, on account of her polio, so she told me to tell you to let him win, but use the most rudimentary words that you can. So yeah, he wins, but he knows that you dumbed it right down for him. That way you can lose but still hold your head high.

Birdman and Mrs. Birdman.

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Now I have to tell you about some exciting news. First of all, our friends at Northumberland Soapworks are going to take The Traveling Blue Shirt on a two week vacation to a magical land.

Seriously, he would get more vag than Magnum P.I.

We will get it washed up, because it hasn’t been since the stripper took a beatdown at the bachelor party. You all know how it looked like it ended, but there may have been some bodily fluids exchanged after the camera was put away. What are you going to do?

Second of all, I got an email from signsonthecheap.com, which is also magnetsonthecheap.com, and bannersonthecheap.com. They want to send me some advertising things to try. I guess some car magnets and some business cards. I told Nicolle there, that I would accept them to try out, and if I liked them, I would give them a shout out on the blog or something. I made sure that she knew I wouldn’t do it if it was a shoddy product, so we’ll see if they still want to do it. The stuff looks pretty good on their site, and it seems quite affordable, but you never know until you get it. I do like the fact that they aren’t from China, but I’m sure their raw materials probably come from overseas.

So anyhow if they send me something, and I never mention the stuff on here, don’t buy it. If I do, and you are ever in need of some, magnets, signs, or banners on the cheap, then by all means, give them a click.

Thirdly, I applied for a real writing job today. I just need to do up four samples to send in, and then I’ll find out if I get it. I’m very stoked about this, but I have to play it close to the vest, because it’s a pretty big deal. Well, for me anyhow. Ooooh, I’m vibrating. I love you guys. (that includes girls too, FYI) If it wasn’t for you folks reading and encouraging me, I wouldn’t have had the stones to write a birthday card, let alone actual things for people who pay money. I’m a hap hap happy boy, hubba hubba hubba hubba. Woohoo.

And if it’s bad, don’t let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts, don’t let them see you cry, you can take it
Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high

Birdman

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5 thoughts on “Therapy Thursday

  1. I always have to play Scrabble with the wife like this – win, but not SO much that I crush her soul. Otherwise I have no one to play Scrabble with… and, uh, other things…

    Good luck with the writing job. Just knowing you could get paid for writing has to be an awesome thought. I one day hope to say the same thing.

  2. What, my question about the divider between your balls not good enough of a question for Therapy Thursday?
    My ball-sack not high brow enough?
    If I wanted my intelligence to be insulted I would listen to Jay Sharp in the mornings. ( Just kidding Jay, I will forever have man love for you ).

    I take it all back Birdman…
    I’m sorry for lashing out like that.
    It’s been a long day and I thought I’d be able to check in and see my question answered…I will meditate on it some more and maybe call one of those late night TV Evangelic Preachers and see if he can tell me the answers I need.
    I’d ask Jesus but he call blocked me years ago…

    • I have started playing now, just in case I get a boss to play against. I can’t wait to smoke that bastard.

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