The stripper, a pictorial Pt.III

When we last saw our heroes, they were about to be flabbergasted by Wicklow’s second finest in adult entertainment. Apparently Dawanda was busy with the curling bonspiel in Brighton, so Gadget had to step up to the plate and knock it out of the park. He actually kept in character quite well, but I don’t know why he was talking like Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Oh well, I guess you need to separate yourself from the role you’re playing. I tell you, I was surprised, but really happy to see my soupair buddy again, but I don’t think any of my other pals felt the same. It seems they get a little protective of me, and don’t understand the special bond that Gadget and I have. I don’t want to say that they get jealous, but if they think that I might like someone else, they immediately band together, then they crouch and pounce on the unsuspecting victim.

Anyhow, let’s get going with the story at hand.

This is how we left off at the end of last week

Wait!!! It just occurred to me that maybe you are new here, and didn’t realize that there is a Part One, and a Part Two to this story. If you have actually been following this, then carry on for crissakes.

(G) Hallo boys, is very nice, no? (B) Oh, is very nice.

(F) He's actually not the worst stripper I've ever seen. (G) I remember you, you are bad boy. (B) Yes, I'm very bad.

(J) Jesus, Frenchy, What the fuck? (F) I just need to see if they are real.

(S) That's one Sluggo looking bitch. (J) Who the fuck is Sluggo? (S) You know, from the Nancy comic strip. This dude right here.

(J) Oh yeah, that guy.

(B) Jesus, what smells like bison meat and Drakkar Noir? (G) Oops I maybe pooped a little in my thong

 

(G) Who gets first lap dance? (B) I guess it's me. Whoa there, hitting is never the answer

(J) Fuck that, hit him. He's making me sick. (B) Leave him alone, it's not his fault. We ate some bad pork on vacation

 

(S) Fine, you don't want me to hit him? How about I choke a bitch then? (G) Aaaack!

(G) Why you are hurting Gadgetina? (B) Wait, we can work things out. Please come back.

Sadly, he did not get the chance to come back. The cameraman clotheslined him before he got six feet, and then the savage beating began.

(S) Get him boys. Dirty pants shitter. (J) Oh man, I got some of it on me. Luckily this shirt will protect me from disease.

(B) Pleeeeeease, don't hurt him. He doesn't deserve this.

(B) Stop it, you're killing him. You're all MONSTERS!!!

(G) I only want to make people happy inside of their heart. (J) You made me question my sexuality. Now you die.

(B) Is that what this is all about? You guys feel weird about enjoying another man's sexiness? (S) Uh, no. It's because he uh... shit his pants

(B) You liar, no one beat you for nshitting your pants last Easter. That is it! You are afraid that if you like watching another man undress, that it will make you gay. (J) Well... I... Uh...

(B) Just stop it. It's okay to love another man. It doesn't make you gay, and even if it did, that's alright too. Are you guys really that worried about turning gay?

(S) Well, my priest says that even seeing another man's dink means you go to hell. Well, except his. (F) I just like beating helpless strippers.

(J) Yeah, my pa said that if I even go near a naked man, he'll whup me.

(B) Don't be stupid. Just because I've seen Gadget with less clothing than I've ever seen another man in, doesn't make me gay. It just means that we are really comfortable around each other.

(B) Also, it's okay to explore your feelings of sexuality. If you love being with a man in a romantic way, then you shouldn't deny yourself that chance for happiness. No matter what your church says.

I'm so sick of people dictating how other people should live (Rick Santorum). You just worry about you, and let them worry about them.

(J) You know what? You're right. (S) Gadget has never done anything to us, and I feel ashamed of the way we acted. (F) We're sorry Gadget. Please forgive us, and our backwoods thinking. (G) Please, call me Gadgetina.

The moral of this story was brought to you in a round-a-bout way by everyone at Change The Topic. Show some love, and you'll be surprised at the friends you'll make. You never know, one of them might save your life one day.

Disclaimer- Gadget didn’t really shit his thong, although he was probably wearing one. He’s a fan of the Wicked Weasels.

Well, a cowboy may brag about things that he’s done with his women, but the ones who brag loudest are the ones that are most likely queer,

Birdman

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11 thoughts on “The stripper, a pictorial Pt.III

  1. This whole series reminded me of this song by the Bloodhound Gang. Read on and do not think about all serious like. Enjoy.

    I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
    That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace lookin’ for love.
    It had been a while.
    In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
    since that midnight run haulin’ hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
    I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin’ gallons
    through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
    Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
    milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
    Name was Russell.

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

    Well, faster than you can say, “shallow grave”,
    this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin’ my balls
    like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
    Said her name was Bambi and I said, “Well that’s a coincidence darlin’,
    ’cause I was just thinkin’ about skinnin’ you like a deer.”
    Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
    and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
    as I do my little kooky dance.
    And then she told me to shush.
    I guess she could sense my desperation.
    ‘Course, it’s hard to hide a hard-on when you’re dressed like Minnie Pearl.

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

    So, Bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
    So I says, “Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
    is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
    with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
    resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus’s tummy-tum?”
    Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
    I’m parkin’ the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
    Got to nail her back at her trailer.
    Heh. That rhymes.
    I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
    when I found out she was doin’ me to buy baby formula.

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

    Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
    gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
    The Stinky Pinky Gulp N’ Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
    There I was browsin’ through the latest issue of “Throb”,
    when I saw Bambi starin’ at me from the back of a milk carton.
    Well, my heart just dropped.
    So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
    You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
    and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin’ seventy-five
    in an eighteen-wheeler.
    I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
    Did I say that out loud?

    Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

    • umm….. after reading (i am soooo glad) these lyrics do not, at all, remind ME of the batchellor party!
      Great pictoral blog! but really people, stop calling and trying to schedule Gadgetina for your own “party”! I’m busy…..but for the right price i guess i could pop in for a few hours!
      Bird, i can’t wait to walk you down the isle! I will need a tissue! you are just so darn growed up!
      Gadget!
      (jeeeezus some of those pics just about make me sick!)

      • By make you sick, do you mean make you proud? Oh, and I can’t wait for you to walk me down the aisle either. My mom will be so proud.

    • I don’t think I had ever made it through the whole song before. Thanks for that, and yes it does bear a slight resemblance, but clearly our message is of love. 🙂

  2. Gadgetina!! You so beautiful!! I am so glad Birdman was there to help you out. There is nothing wrong with a little man on man love.

    Clearly we are going to have another party while I am there, besides the hitchin’.

    By the way, why am I no longer getting email updates when you publish something?

    • Oh yes, party on Garth. I’m not sure about the email thing. Go in and check your settings, I’ll put out some feelers to see who isn’t getting them. Also, you should try RSS feeds. It’s pretty cool.

    • I’m sure there’s a reason no one does it. How many people do you know that will sign off to let you write whatever captions you want, AND they have to bring their own booze? Nope, I’ve got a pretty amazing bunch of friends. Thanks for the kind words, and for checking us out.

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