The Shavedown – Part 2

MOBROS

So when we left off from Part 1, I was injured, but given a handful of first aid towel from the washroom to hold on the wound.

All right, the bleeding should stop soon. Who's next?

All right, the bleeding should stop soon. Who’s next?

I'm not backing out the door. Getting shaved by a drunk guy with a rusty razor seems awesome.

I’m not backing out the door. Getting shaved by a drunk guy with a rusty razor seems awesome.

He was totally backing out the door. Tweezle called him on it and shamed him into coming back in. I finished my shave while he was lathering up for his turn. It was hard to stand beside him and pretend I had shaved people before. Truth is, this was the first time I’d ever actually held a straight razor and I didn’t want him to be nervous.

I don't do things half assed.

This is probably as awesome as he suspected it would be.

Well, here goes. You have to learn somehow, right? I figured I’d trim up around his eyes first. Why else would you have shaving cream on your forehead?

Ahhh, what the hell? Why don't you start on the cheek?

“Jesus, not the eyebrows. Why don’t you start on the cheek or something?”

Fine then. If that’s what you want.

"I have to tell you that I'm a little scared right now."

“I have to tell you that I’m a little scared right now.”

So it turns out that I should have looked up The Art of Manliness article on straight razor shaving. It would have prevented this.

Something is really fiery on my face.

“Something is really fiery on my face. Please stop.”

How the hell am I supposed to learn things if I can’t try different methods?

I guess dragging the razor sideways isn't how it's done.

I guess dragging the razor sideways isn’t how it’s done.

So Gadget decided that the disposable was going to be his razor of choice for the rest of this adventure. While he was finishing up, we got Mr. Brady ready.

Turns out Tweezle wasn't one for old school shaving either.

Turns out Tweezle wasn’t one for old school shaving either.

You’re probably wondering where the shaving cream is. I know I was. Mr. B says that his father always told him that you need to feel the burn to know that it was a close shave. You’re probably also wondering why the blade is so close to his eye. That’s because Mr. Brady asked him to trim his eyelashes, because his dad also said that all facial hair was to be cut with a razor. Only girls use scissors.

My dad said a lot of things that I didn’t follow to a T, but whatever. Who am I to interfere in someone else’s family traditions?

"I'd like this a lot better if my hand wasn't so shaky."

“I’d like this a lot better if my hand wasn’t so shaky.”

"A joke might relax you. This guy calls 911 and tells the operator to send someone over to his place."

“A joke might relax you. So this guy calls 911 and tells the operator to send someone over to his place right away.”

"He tells her that there are two girls fighting over him, and she wants to know how that's a problem"

“He tells her that there are two girls fighting over him, and she wants to know how that’s a problem”

"'The old, ugly one is winning.' he tells her"

“‘The old, ugly one is winning.’ he tells her”

It turns out that jokes aren’t the best way to relax someone while they are dry shaving someone’s eyelashes for their first time giving a shave.

"Nice! It looks like you only sliced up his bottom lid. You barely even nicked his eyeball."

“Nice! It looks like you only sliced up his bottom lid. You barely even nicked his eyeball.”

I don’t know about you, but to me a near miss is just like winning a big poker hand on a bluff. You feel lucky as hell when you are raking it in, and you almost think you’re invincible. Looks like Tweezle felt the same.

It's a happy day when you don't have to explain shit to the cops or paramedics.

It’s a happy day when you don’t have to explain shit to the cops or paramedics.

Mr. Brady kind of chickened out for the rest of his shave. I think he was mumbling about nut punching his dad or something, but we were on a roll and too excited to pay attention. Let’s fix Gadget up and then it’s Scooter’s turn.

He was less impressed with our prowess than we were.

He was less impressed with our prowess than we were.

Join us next week for another fun filled episode in which we get to test Scooter’s mettle. If you were wondering where he was during all of this, we had sent him downstairs for some gauze and pickled eggs. Turns out he thought he’d stick around and have a few drinks while watching the band play. Can’t say I blame him; those dudes are awesome. I was so happy that he brought back some video of Savvy and the Hairdo Band, that I didn’t care that he forgot the gauze and ate all the pickled eggs.

That’s one of the great things about Kelly’s. They have live, local music in there all the time. The whole town is good for that actually. I guess it’s because of the wealth of talent that we have around here. It doesn’t matter what you’re into, we’ve got a band that you’ll love, somewhere around town.

Facts

  1. Debra DiGiovanni sponsored me for Movember because she loves the blog.
  2. That statement is half false. She has probably never read the blog, but she did sponsor me, thanks to @MassCrafter and her wily ways.
  3. This link will take you to ten early signs of prostate cancer. It’s for women too, so please click on it.
  4. Nobody reminded me about the blood in my urine last week and I forgot to book my ultrasound. I’ll try to remember tomorrow, but if you’re reading this please send me a text, email, PM, or comment on here. It’s important and I have a bad memory. It’s one of the signs in the above link.
  5. You need to feel your balls on a regular basis, and if you’re a lady, you need to go out and feel a man’s balls for him. Don’t get too squeezy, but you need to put a bit of pressure to feel for any abnormalities.
  6. That statement was only half true. I’ll let you pick which half.
  7. Movember needs all the help they can get, so if you can’t afford to donate money, maybe you could share tools with men who might not go to the doctor’s very often, if at all. You could share this blog post (wink wink), but really anything to get guys thinking about their health and how they might keep it for a while longer.
  8. If you can afford to donate money, there are a few guys on the team that would love a donation. You’ll know who they are by the $0 next to their name. You can go and see them by clicking Here

Dear penis, I don’t think I like you anymore, you used to watch me shave, now all you do is stare at the floor,

Birdman

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