Well, it sure looks like Birdman was in for it when we left off from the last bunch of photos. He had that big galoot climbing all up in his business, and what looked like two stalkers creeping around the woods like ninjas. Let’s go see how the poor, little bugger (Technically that is what Scooter is, or is it buggerer?), is making out.
"This would never have happened if I was wearing The Traveling Blue Shirt. Damn you, Jean."
"Scooter, you don't have to do this. Think of the children, and how I'd explain to them what you done."
"I can't fight the urge. I want to, but my brain has been commandeered by love. I'm sorry buddy, but you are going to have to drop them drawers."
"Oh no you don't. The only thing we despise more than poachers are people who rape their friends."
"What the fuck is going on? When I get up, I'm going to kill you."
"That's where you are mistaken, buddy raper. You aren't getting up this time."
"Oh God, you're right. I almost raped my best friend. This is horrible. He probably won't want me to be the best man at his wedding now. He told me not to drink that Mamajuana, and I wouldn't listen. I'm such a douchey prick."
"YEAH, you saved me. I love you, strange, masked man. If you had of been two minutes later, I'm fairly certain there would have been penetration. "
"GAAAAK!!! It feels like steel belts around my neck in a death grip."
"Losing... eye ball function...so sleepy...I smell burnt toast."
"Like this, Dad? He's really fat and heavy. DAD???
"Ooooohhhhhh shit! What the hell is going on around here?"
"Oh shit, you got back up and put your sunglasses back on. I totally didn't see that coming. Wait, wait, wait, please let me explain..."
"Dad, I could use a little guidance over here. He doesn't get knocked out like the old man we got last week."
"Jesus, you're just a little kid. Where did you learn that death grip? Please stop hitting me with that log of firewood; it smarts."
"You see, we hang around the woods here for two reasons. One is to train as professional wrestlers. We want to become the first 'father/son' team in the *WWE. The second reason is that I lost my job as a conservation officer because of federal government cutbacks, but I still feel that we need to crack down on poaching. Your buddy there has no regard for anything resembling authority, and my kid needs to learn his craft, along with learning that there must be repercussions for our actions. Please just let him finish."
*WWE – Wicklow Wrestling Extravaganza
"I got him, Dad. Yeah, take that you dirty poacher."
"Good job, son. You stood strong for what you believed in, and also prevented a man from getting sodomized by his best friend. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's probably more enjoyable when it's two consenting adults, and they have the proper lubrication. I'm just assuming, so don't quote me."
"Jesus, you've got a great grip there, Squirt. You listen to your dad, and you guys will do great. He's a smart man, and you guys have totally made me not want to poach again."
So there you have it. Some people would say that this has been a horrible experience, what with almost getting anally violated by my best man, running out of liquor on a fishing trip, and then getting our asses handed to us by a couple of professional (stretching it there) wrestlers.
I like to look at it as we got to spend some time learning, about mother nature, fear, the consumption of aphrodisiacs, that poaching is wrong, and that no matter what you go through, your best friend will always come through in the end. Pun intended.