As I was moping around in my head tonight, I got called down to the girl’s room for an impromptu concert. It was just what I needed. It took the sting out of getting laid off yesterday, and made me look forward to what’s to come.
Whatever that is.
Oh yeah, I got laid off/fired yesterday. I’m not quite sure why, but the reason I got was that someone had to be cut from the department I was in, and seeing as I was the last guy hired, it was me. Anyhow, I’m not heartbroken or butthurt over it, but it was nice to be working after being off for a year, and even though I had to get up at 5:30 AM, I liked the people I worked with, being three minutes from home, and the four day work week. I actually really liked my co-workers. More so than most jobs I’ve had in the past.
So yesterday I came home at my regular time and broke the news to my sweet baby. She was shocked at first, but all in all she took it amazingly. It was date night, so we were kid free. While I licked my wounds, she went to pick up her, new to her, massage table and came home and healed me up. We went upstairs and had an epic cocooning session, then I buggered off to sleep. I may or may not have taken some of my special anxiety medicine as well. (“may” is a safe bet on that one.)
I got up this morning feeling tired and a bit cranky, so I wrote a story for Aiming Low and played on Facebook and responded to a few emails. One of them was to see if I’d like to review a copy of The Sandlot – 20th Anniversary Edition. Hell yeah, I sure would. Remember that movie? I kind of do. I remember loving it at the time. That’s cool, my day just picked up a little.
Then I opened up my package that came in the mail, and popped it into the CD drive. It was a single for a very cool band that’s fronted by my bloggy pal, Linda from Mod Mom Beyond Indiedom. She’s a fantastic girl, and if you like folk-rocky type music, you need to give them a listen. You can find their ReverbNation page here. The song on my free single is War Song American and it’s on there. Oh wait! I think I can embed the player into the blog. Holy turd nuggets, Batman.
Yep, it looks like it worked. Cool.
Anyhow, I was still kind of pissy all day, and then the kids came home from school. They were both pretty lethargic and I was okay with that. It allowed me to just sit at the computer feeling sorry for myself. Mrs. B made some fabulous nachos for supper, so I had a couple of plates full of those. I then went back up to the computer and finished an online application for a factory job I was told about.
That’s when I heard it.
“CHRIS! COME DOWN HERE!”
There was some discussion about that not being the proper way to ask someone to come to you, but I was coming anyhow. I got there and was treated to a beautiful song that they had been practicing. The wee one played the cup and Liv sang the song. I guess it’s from a movie called Pitch Perfect. I haven’t seen the original version, but their rendition was great.
After that, we tucked them in and went upstairs where my darling wife went to read, and I sat at the computer trying to write about Sawmill Road and the makeshift interview I did with them. (They gave me some CDs to give away as well, so maybe I’ll give one away today.) After struggling with the right words, I thought I should go and grind some beans for a cup of coffee.
That was when it hit me.
I owe everyone a huge “Thank You”.
I think it was as I started to count the cups of coffee that this bag of beans was going to make, that I stopped and thought about how lucky I am. In the immortal words of Kris Kristofferson, I am living in this best of all possible worlds.
Think about it. I have worked one month in the last year and we haven’t been bankrupted. Yes, I got four years of income tax back, but that was gone by July. My wife supported our family and allowed me to wait for a job that would have me working close to home, and to also try to build my blog and online presence.
She never once made me feel bad about that.
Thank you for that. I know how hard you work, and I appreciate it more than you know. I hope that one day your faith in me will pay off, and you will be able to relax a lot more. If you wondered why I ran up the stairs to kiss you and say “thanks” while the kettle was boiling, this is why.
When I was sinking deeper into my brain about a month or so ago, my baby went to visit my mom. She called me on her way home and she told me that Mom had sent some pills home for me.
“What kind of pills?” I asked.
“I think they are anti-depressants.”
I got a bit smarmy. “Oh yeah. Do I need them?”
“I think so.”
“Really?” And it hit me like a tire iron. I had been getting depressed, but didn’t realise it.
“Yes, the girls have noticed it too.”
“Holy shit. I am so sorry. I didn’t know it was happening.”
Then she came home and we cried and hugged, and we talked about it.
If it hadn’t have been for them, I’m sure it would have turned out a lot different.
Thank you all. I love you, and I am so glad that you love me enough to help me and try to understand. That means everything to me. Everything.
To all of my friends. Thank you. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for all of the things you do that I never thank you for. I’m sorry about that, I just forget sometimes. Probably because I take you for granted and just expect you to do things for me, whether it interests you or not. It’s not because I don’t appreciate it, it’s because my mind works differently, (as if you didn’t know that) and I just assume that you will do it, as I would do it for you. I guess this goes for Gadget the most, but it’s for all of my friends that I do that to. Aaron comes to mind, except he never needs anything. Just know that I really would do anything for any of you. You need only ask.
For all of the people reading my blog. Whether we know each other or not. Thank you so much. You keep me going. It may not seem like it, but I am so proud of this blog for what it’s become. That’s because of you.
Sure it’s just a small scale compared to so many others, but in a year and a half it’s gone from nothing to a pretty decent little turnout. The numbers are down quite a bit from a year ago, but I have quit writing every day and still manage to get people coming by. The truth is, I don’t care about numbers. I gave up on the dream of this blog turning a profit a long time ago. It’s just not meant to be right now.
The fact is that I’m pretty happy to be able to do reviews on movies and then give them away. I’m happy that my friend, Adam has enough faith in this blog to let me give away his product once a month. He didn’t even ask for a plug or any advertising. That was Mrs. B and I that put that up. I know that it doesn’t seem like much to most of you, but it’s a pretty big deal to me.
Sawmill Road gave me some excellent CDs to give away. They had to pay to have those CDs made out of their own pocket. It wasn’t a record company that did it. Fox contacted me about reviewing their movies. Sure I don’t get paid for it, but they courier me movies at their cost and allow me to give them to you when I’m done. The only thing you have to do is comment so that I know you are interested. Be like The Six Fingered Monkey and just write “Gimme.”
Anyhow, what I’m getting at is that I’m pretty damn lucky. I have such a great life, and I don’t ever want to forget it. If you see me looking sad or cranky, tell me to snap out of it. Maybe flick my ear to wake me up or something. It’s just a funk, and there is absolutely no reason for me to be in it.
Take care of yourselves and your mental health, and if you ever need to talk, whether I know you or not, you can always send me a message or give me a call. Everything is confidential.
That policeman said “Mr. Cool, if you ain’t drunk then you’re a fool”,