Jul 27

So The Selling Out Begins

If any of you have read the Disclosure Page, you will understand what tomorrow’s post is all about. I’m a whore, but I’m a whore that wants to sponsor a hockey jersey for one of my old friends, and a huge supporter of the blog. She has assured me that she will lead the league in penalties and assissts, and she will wear the jersey on her webcam adult site.

She’s in there somewhere. I haven’t got my glasses on.

Wicked, right? Well it would be, but she doesn’t have a site, much to everyone’s chagrin. She is a hell of a dedicated hockey player though, and her team travels all over the place to go in tournaments. That means lots of exposure, doesn’t it? I think so, and it gives them some cash for all of their travelling around, so everybody wins. Continue reading

Oct 06

Therapy Thursdays #1

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Dear Birdman,

I hear you are an expert when it comes to controlling problem wildlife. I have troubles with raccoons getting into everything year after year and was wondering if you had any advice on how to keep them away?

Frank

First off, can’t you come up with a decent name like they do in the professional advice columns? Something like Rabidly Hating Raccoons, or Not Cool With Coons? Whatever. Just because I have no experience at this, doesn’t mean that I’m cheap and don’t deserve to be treated with advice columnist respect.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert in anything, but I do know that you must be a simpleton if you are trying to keep raccoons away. They are fucking delicious. My advice is to get a weapon of some sort and what I do is throw some rotting chicken or other meat out in the garbage and wait for the little bastards to try and open it. That’s when they taste my stout club,(but you can use whatever) right behind the ear. Another way I’ve heard of is to live trap and drown them, but I won’t trade a speedy kill for extra tender meat, especially if I have to look into those big brown eyes as I slowly lower them into the rain barrel. That’s just inhumane. Some of the neighbours get pissed off with the noise, what with the screaming and flailing if they don’t die right away, but I just send over a small pot of this delicious stew and that usually keeps them quiet for a while.

Raccoon Stew

~ 1 raccoon, cleaned, skinned and quartered
~ pepper
~ 4 cups water
~ 2 carrots, diced
~ 1 stalk celery, diced
~ 2 large potatoes, cubed
~ salt

In a large pot, place the meat and cover with water. Bring to a boil and cook for 1 hour.
Remove meat and allow to cool. Discard water.Remove meat from bones and cut into 1” – 2” cubes. Sprinkle with pepper.Add meat back to pot and add water, carrots, celery and potatoes. Season to taste with salt.Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cook until veggies are tender. Adjust seasoning if needed.Serve and enjoy.

Love thy neighbour… if they’re hot,

Birdman

P.S. Please send all questions to birdman@changethetopic.com. They will all be posted on the following Thursday. If you don’t send any, then I will be forced to invent shit, and you won’t like it.

Sep 13

So much for the job search.

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I got on the computer today, to look into college courses and try to find a better job. I instead played Evony, dicked around on Facebook and started a fucking blog. I should also add that I didn’t get out of bed until after 10:00 AM and although I had a shower a little while ago, I’m still in my underwear. This is the weirdest depression like state I’ve ever been in, and let me tell ya pal, I’ve been in a few.

I suppose I shouldn’t call it “depression”, because I really am very happy. I have just been getting angrier and angrier at my job. It’s not because of my boss per se, but the nature of the trucking industry itself. I go to work around 7 in the morning, and I drop a few things off around town(Cobourg, ON). I then start doing my pickups to take into the city. (Toronto, Mississauga, Hamilton etc…) The fight is on from around Pickering to the 400 area, where I generally start my drops. After I get rid of my load, I start doing all the pickups that need to go back to the Cobourg area. I then fight traffic all the way back to at least Ajax, but more often to Oshawa.

 

By the time I get to where I’m going, I am fuming at all of the assholes that run the on ramps to the end, and then cut in causing the rest of traffic to stop. Also, the other assholes that weave in and out of lanes, only to end up in the same damn spot. Oh, and my personal favourite, the asshole that tries to beat the truck through the intersection.

I usually get back to the yard by about 7 PM and start my half-hour drive home, where I’m always greeted with hugs, kisses and if the kids are at their dad’s, a bit of cocooning. Some supper might come next, followed by more cocooning. This is a typical work day, but everything can change tomorrow.

Birdman