Nov 09

Movember 9th, 2012

That’s right, it’s Movember 9th and that can mean only one thing.

We are getting desperate.

As of last night, I have resorted to whoring myself out for donations. For $5 I will put whatever you want me to on my status. It can be on either Facebook, Google+, or Twitter, or all of them if the price is right.. I will leave it there for at least an hour, and if you put it in quotes, I will do it word for word, or maybe you just want me to write down how I feel about you, like Sandra did this morning. Last night, Nancy had me write a post in Shakespearean English, but I’m afraid it fell short. It’s been 20 years since I have actually read The Merchant of Venice, and it was hard remembering the precise words that he used. Irania and Kathy came in late, so I’ll accomodate them later today, I promised Sandra until noon, and then it’s game on.

I’m telling you, folks, it’s warmed my heart with the response we’ve gotten so far, and I want to thank you for that. The people who have donated, the people who will donate, and the people who want to donate, but just can’t for whatever reason. You are all important, and without you reading this, and any other cancer awareness articles, the word doesn’t spread. Sure funds are great, but awareness is key. When you’re aware, you can be proactive.

Gently grab hold of your nuts and give them a good, thorough grope. Get some good lube, and an even better friend, and have yourself an amateur prostate exam/milking. Come on, it can’t be that hard. I went to a little lecture at Sexapalooza last year, and she said that if you have your prostate milked on a regular basis, you will never have to worry about prostate cancer. I’m still a little sheepish, but at least I know I should be doing it. Continue reading

Nov 07

Join The Watch This Holiday Season (Free Shit)

Win a copy of The Watch, available on Blu-ray and DVD November 13

Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Richard Ayoade take male bonding to hilarious new heights in this outrageous, no-holds-barred comedy that gets funnier every time you watch! There’s trouble brewing in peaceful Glenview, Ohio. That’s why four civic-minded citizens, armed with flashlights, walkie-talkies and spiffy new jackets, have teamed up to safeguard their community. But the guys find more than they bargained for when they uncover an alien plot to destroy Earth, and now these bumbling heroes are Glenview’s only chance to save the neighborhood — and the world — from annihilation. The sci-fi comedy, THE WATCH, comes to Blu-ray and DVD November 13 from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment.

 

For your chance to win a copy of THE WATCH on Blu-ray, simply answer the following question in a comment below:

Continue reading

Oct 19

Sparks Are Flying

Hey, I’m trying to get better at this gripping title thing.

20th Century Fox sent me a movie called Ruby Sparks the other day. I watched it.

I was skeptical at first, because I hadn’t heard of the main characters, but Antonio Banderas, Annette Bening, Maeby from Arrested Development, and that hot little redhead from True Blood were in it, so it had to be at least watchable, right?

Paul Dano (source: IMDB)

As soon as it started, I recognized the main dude. He was that freaky preacher in There Will Be Blood. I guess I know to associate the name Paul Dano with that face from now on. I know I looked him up after I watched TWBB, because he actually played a set of twins, and I was checking to see if it was two guys that did it. I thought DDL should have killed him right from the start, but I guess you kind of need the antagonist for the whole thing. That was a great movie if you are ever looking for a fantastic character study about intensely driven people.

In this movie, he played Calvin, a “genius” (he hates that word) novelist, that just can’t write. He’s a very quirky character, with some serious issues, but the guy does a great job with it. He has a hard time with people, and an even harder time with love. Well, until he gets to make up the rules that is. When he writes a character based on an artist he meets in the park while walking his dog, Scotty, he never dreams that he she would become a living breathing person in the form of Zoe Kazan.

Zoe Kazan *drool*

Yes, that Zoe Kazan. I’m just kidding, I’ve never heard of her before, but she is lovely, isn’t she? Her performance was flawless, in my opinion. She played every role perfectly, and with really great emotion. I was surprised to find out that she was not only starring, but had written the movie herself. That’s pretty amazing, I think. I’m always in awe of people that can think of a thing, and then make it come to be. I’m kind of the opposite, where I have all of these ideas, but lack the drive, or the self-confidence to make anything actually happen. Well, except for this blog, obviously, but if it would write itself, I’d surely let it.

I, of course, had to look her up, and found that she has many past, current, and future projects in film and television. This does not surprise me at all, because really, how could you not want her in your films? Unless she is a horrible, raging diva, I would think that she would be a winning addition to any project.

So anyhow, back to the actual movie. The psychiatrist (Elliot Gould), and the parents (Antonio Banderas and Annette Bening) were absolutely great. Mostly Paul’s parents though. They are just wonderful in the fact that nothing fazes them. They are like the people you love to meet, because they are so different than anyone you know. Well, usually they are. You may live in a commune in coastal Oregon or something, in which case, you probably know them.

In short, I don’t think everyone will like this movie, but if you have a good imagination, love interesting, quirky characters, and a very clever story, you will really enjoy this flick. The writer part of me is jealous of it, with it’s uniqueness and all of that. The movie lover just likes all of it.

Go check it out. Unless you get angry when nothing gets blown up, or no one shows you their titties.

I’ve been travelin’ for some time, with my fishin pole and my bottle of shine,

Birdman

Oct 05

The New AD?

As some of you might know, I don’t mind whoring myself out to brands if there is a benefit for me. This case is no different, except that my whoring nets you some shit, which in turn nets me some shit, in the form of potentially more readers that want to win something.

What the fuck are you talking about, Birdman? Did you finally get that endorsement deal from Eros Silicone Lubricant? Continue reading

Jul 28

The Time I Tried To Make Money As A Day Trader

This was one of those times when I just knew I was going to get rich, because one of the operators for an oil company told me that they had hit a huge pocket and production was going to go through the roof. He was going out to buy as many shares as he could.

My vision

Holy shit, me too. I thought to myself. I want in on some of that action. I went home and opened up a day trading account at my bank and bought a few thousand dollars worth of their stock. (Hey, I was a single oilfield worker at the time. I had good cheques coming in.

Unfortunately this account came with traders that were not allowed to advise you on anything.

Now I’m poor. Not because of that. I’ve pissed away a lot more than that, just on pizza. I lost over half of it though, so I’m still a little pissy about day trading. I just looked at the stock price today, and it’s about where I left it six years ago, so I wouldn’t have made it back anyhow.

My reality. Without the skeevy sideburns.

I don’t know how some people make any money at this, but apparently they do. I saw Timothy Sykes’s best penny stock picks on the internet, and he claims:

He Turned $12,415 into $2,850,000

Yeah? Well can you give me the $12,415 so I can have a go at it then? I don’t know about all of this “free money”, but I’d like a little bit of it. Send it my way, please.

Birdman