Feb 22

I’m Getting All Mouthy Again

mindofbirdman

Yep. Brandon from My Own Private Idaho was looking for guest posters, because he finds that he is getting a little swamped right now.

Hey Brandon, if you’d just hire a driver, you could write and post while in between cities. Problem solved, bitch, and you’re welcome. I’m a time manager. It’s what I do.

Well, until he gets his shit together, we shall continue on. If you remember, a few weeks ago, Brandon helped me out while Mrs. B and I were on vacation. He submitted a funny little piece on strengthening the bond between our countries and it was well received.

I wasn’t quite as kind to him. I chose to voice my opinion on religion!

I know, but when someone says that there are no rules except for no nudity or porn, I tend to do whatever the hell I want. Now, without further ado, here’s the post that you’ve heard so much about from me.

 

Feb 21

Malibu, Vegas, and Arizona.

mindofbirdman

After we finished the first part of our day, we toured down Sunset Blvd. to the coast and then headed up to Malibu. A delicious feed of Jack In The Box and a brisk walk on the pier got us thinking that we should drive to the other side and see Point Dume.

It's just like in movies. Except there wasn't people lining the sides with fishing rods.

It’s just like in movies. Except there wasn’t people lining the sides with fishing rods.

There were a few people fishing at the end, and I was surprised to hear that they catch sharks and halibut off of the pier when they’re in season. They were just catching perch when we were there, so not worth renting rods and all that. Continue reading

Jan 24

Therapy Thursday

newtherapythursday

Dear CTT,

I am a recently separated woman, living just a few blocks from my ex.  We have children together, and were together for almost 15 years.

One of the issues in our marriage was his lack of contribution to the care and maintenance of our home.   We hired people to cut grass and shovel snow (if I didn’t do it myself), and paint our verandah.   New cans of paint sat in our basement while rooms went unpainted.   He turned away help from both sets of in-laws for so long that we just started to work around him, planting a garden, redoing bedrooms, building furniture to keep the place organized and tidy. It was a chronic issue between us (among others of course), and I never understood how he could lack so much pride in his own home.  I stopped inviting people over for years, because I was embarrassed to have them see how we lived.

What I imagine.

What I imagine.

Since I moved out (we share custody of the kids, and that seems to be working well so far), he has revamped the kitchen, hung art on the walls, tidied up the garage so he can park in it, and a variety of other things.  More work has been done in a few weeks than has been done in years.  I am furious!

Why would he do this all now?  I have asked many people and nobody could explain why he never did anything to help, and why he’s doing it now that I’ve left.  Is it just to hurt me?  Is it to make the place better for the next woman in his life?  Should I even care as long as my kids have a better home?

After the last time I was there, I have finally decided I can no longer go into the house;   it hurts me every time I see it.  Do you think this is a good strategy?  Can you figure out his change of behaviour?

The rest of my life is great now, and my new living space has already become a home to me.  But I’d love to hear your insights, so I can really start seeing things more clearly.

Sincerely your’s,

Miss Daisy

wpid-fromthedesk.jpeg

Dear Miss Daisy,

I hear the disappointment and frustration in your letter.  I understand why you feel this way.  You wanted to have a nice home, and a place you could share your lives together, entertain friends comfortably, and provide a nice place for your children to grow up.  It seems as if only one of you wanted these things during your union, and that person was you.

 

You don’t mention any of the other issues that contributed to the deterioration of your marriage, but I’m going out on a limb here and suggesting that there might have been some nagging on your part, and some avoidance on his part.  People often don’t like to be told what to do, even when it’s very obviously what they need to be doing.  It’ s in our human natures to want to make the decision to act on our own accord, and not based on the desires of other people.  For some, the constant reminders about all that needs to be done (and isn’t currently getting done) act as a continuous sandpaper, grinding away at our self-esteem and desire to become involved in new projects.   This is not an excuse, but perhaps it will provide some insight into the other half of the problem.
I imagine this is what it's like. I hope I never find out.

I imagine this is what it’s like. I hope I never find out.

 

Here’s the next part, and I’m not sure you will like it.  However, you have asked for insight, and I have some to offer.

 

You are now separated, and on your way to divorce.  The ‘why’ of it really isn’t important.  Will it make you feel better to think that your ex-husband is experiencing a new lease on life, and has obviously overcome one of the major hurdles that he had when you were together?  There’s a pretty good chance that his newfound interest in home decor coincides directly with your exit from the marital home.  Whether that bothers you or not, depends on you, and honestly, it is up to you to decide how you want to assimilate this information in your life.  In the simplest of terms, it no longer concerns you.  You should be pleased, because it IS good for your children.  If I had to guess, I would say this man doesn’t really care at all what you think about his interests.  He seems pretty happy to be on his own and it sounds like you are happy on your own.

 

I think your strategy of staying out of the home is a good one.  Perhaps there will come a time in the future, when the sting of it isn’t so fresh, and your own happiness far outweighs any of the past negativity associated with the home, and you will be able to step inside without feeling anything at all.

 

The future climate of this relationship is up to you.  Since you are no longer together, and you still must co-parent, it is in your best interests to let it go and move on.  Don’t worry about what he is doing, with whom, or why.  It simply does not affect you anymore, and it is really not your concern.  I say this with great kindness and respect, and I hope it is taken that way.  Be happy for him, and happy for your kids.  Wish him well, and prepare to open your heart and start a new life that will be ultimately more rewarding and fulfilling than the one you are leaving.

 

Mrs. B.

 

mindofbirdman
(image source: quick-rite.com)

(image source: quick-rite.com)

Dear Miss Daisy,

 

I know a guy (it’s me) that will trash the house on a weekly basis for a nominal fee. Another thing you could look into is a way to get some red squirrels or raccoons into the house. They will fuck shit up in there and keep him on his toes for weeks, because he’ll always wonder if he missed one that is having a litter in the attic. You seem kind of like the bitter sort, so I’m sure you’ve already figured out how to get in there without getting caught, you probably just didn’t know what to do when you got there. That’s where I can help. I spend most of my days thinking about how to fuck up people’s lives, just in case someone like you comes along. Give me a call, and if you don’t, there’s not much else I can say other than whatever you choose to do, make it untraceable.

 

I said upside down you’re turning me, you’re giving love instinctively,

 

Birdman
Jan 22

One Breezy Berino

mindofbirdman

I got to have a delicious lunch today at Frenchies Deli, and the already delicious food was only heightened by my lunch companion. Yes, I’m talking about the great Jay Berino, of Flying Berino fame. It’s always nice when you get to meet one of your idols, but it’s even better when you realise that you really like them as well.

For those of you that don’t know, I’m talking about the greatest morning show host in the known world, or at least the stations I listen to. Yes, you guessed it, it’s Jay Sharp of The Big Breakfast on 107.9 The Breeze. He seemed like he wanted to leave, but I just kept talking, so he was never given the chance to bolt.

Seriously. All those things are on there... and more!

Seriously. All those things are on there… and more!

Anyhow, Jay has a sort of new blog on the station’s site, and he puts up some of his mischief and mayhem on the pages there. I highly recommend that you check it out, and maybe rub his back for him while you’re browsing around. There are all kinds of shenanigans that he’s posted, and you’ll also catch glimpses of the ravishing Rhianna C. Robins and the magnificent Megan P. Murphy in some very risque video clips. Continue reading

Jan 14

One Step Closer

mindofbirdman

First of all, go HERE and scroll down to the fifth photo. Recognize that motherfucker? That’s right, I got a very, very part-time job. It will probably only last a month or so, so you had better get a screenshot of it now, for proof.

It’s going to definitely be a challenge for me to write posts less than half the size of my average, but I think I’m up for it. I’m running out of shit to say, anyhow, so this will hopefully help me re-energize and start to focus on some other projects. I said “hopefully”, because focus has never been one of my strong suits.

It was really a shock, and an honour to be offered this, even if it’s not a full-time, real job. Aiming low is a great site, full of fantastic bloggers, and I might even get to try out some of my video and podcast ideas there. If they’re any good, that is. For all I know, they will suck and I’ll be run out of town on a rail.

Ow, my balls!

Ow, my balls! (from www.usareport.org)

That’s something that you just don’t see anymore. That, and tarring and feathering. I remember when I lived in northern Ontario, hearing about this guy that had been fucking around with some other guy’s wife and got caught. I guess all of the local menfolk gathered this dude up and tarred and feathered him for his indiscretion.

Oh good. A real photo of the abuse, and not some stupid drawing.

Oh good. A real photo of the abuse, and not some stupid drawing.  (from jematthews2.blogspot.ca)

I would persecute those fuckers for that. I would stalk and maim every last man involved. With no mercy, either. That is a horrible, torturous thing to do to someone, just because your buddy’s wife is a fucking whore. That’s like in high school, when you catch your girlfriend of three weeks giving some guy a handjob at the Impressions dance, and you knock his ass out. That prick just did you a favour, but for some reason you don’t skid your cheating slut girlfriend, you automatically blame the guy in the tight, stonewashed Ikedas. In truth you hit him because you could only afford Levis, but that’s beside the point. Continue reading