Aug 09

My Wife Said I Should Make A Post Out Of This

(This is from our guest blogging page. Sort of. It’s been awhile since I’ve pandered to you to write anything, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want you to. I just get busy and don’t think about things sometimes. If you’d like to do a guest post or a bunch of them, just follow these steps.)

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First of all… GET AN IDENTITY. I’d like to say that writing has helped me immensely. I have learned to deal with my emotions, instead of tamping them down; I’ve also learned a lot about grammar and punctuation. I know from talking to a lot of you, that you have some interesting stories, and you also have some funny stories (dogs eating shit comes to mind). I know that some of you are embarrassed to write these stories for whatever reason, and I understand, so here’s a cool thing you can do that will also add mystery to your life. Create a pseudonym (pen name) for yourself. Make it something that no one would guess, and then create an email account for that persona. It’s very easy to make another email address, but I’m not sure of the easiest way. I just go to mail.google.com and make a gmail account, but it’s just a preference thing. I would prefer it if you posted as yourself, of course, because I consider all of you friends, but I do know about stage fright and whatnot.

Second of all… WRITE. It’s really not that hard, once you get started. We will help you with your post as much as we can, and we also have access to real english teachers and shit for editing if we need it. You can write about whatever you want, and we promise not to publish it, until you are satisfied. I think about how you all know me a little better than I know you, and I think that puts me at a disadvantage, so I want to hear about your life. What kind of shenanigans did you get up to as a teen? What are your dreams, fears, trials and tribulations? What scares the bejeezus out of you, and what empowers you, and gets your ass out of bed in the morning. Do you want to hug your kids until their spine cracks, (not recommended) or do you just want to have kids? How’s your relationship? Would you like to hear someone say that they love you, but they never do? These are all things that we want to hear about, because we have all been there at some point. Maybe you have a real problem, and you would like to get other peoples view points on it. We welcome all submissions, and also any suggestions. You never know, you may want to start your own blog if you like it.

Third thing… SEND IT IN. The best way for us is if you copy and paste it into the email body, and send it in that way. It just makes it easy to copy it to the post box from there. The email address is

birdman at changethetopic dot com

Another cool thing is if you do it via the Harass Us page, you can put in a fake email and name, and I won’t even know who you are. That way you can be completely anonymous.

Thanks for reading our meager blog, and keep on loving each other,

Change The Topic

Jul 19

Fox Friday: Wilfred Season 2

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When I was asked if I wanted a copy of Wilfred to review, I thought that it might be that movie that was based on a David Mamet play that I watched a whole bunch of years ago. I was appalled that they would want me to review such a racially charged movie and then write about it on my blog. That’s lunacy.

Then I remembered Scooter speaking of some hilarious show about a guy in a dog suit.

I looked it up.

The movie was called Edmond, and it was actually really good. I can handle a whole bunch of racial slurs as long as someone gets prison raped in the end. Pun intended.

So back to Wilfred. I went back and watched some shows from season 1, and then I fell in love.

Then I did a giveaway and watched the second season, and it was fan-fucking-tastic.

Oh good, I really did love it. Sometimes I love the first part of something, but grow bored after a while, but not this time. This time it was like Breaking Bad, just as good, and with some new characters. I have found my new favourite show. My replacement for John From Cincinnati.

Look at the gaiety of it all.

Look at the gaiety of it all.

Now don’t go run out and buy it, because I say it’s good. It’s probably not for everyone. There are no laugh tracks or gratuitous pauses to let you know when something funny is said. Not one redneck hooks up a conveyor belt to their vehicle to step up production, and nobody enters their kid in a pageant while they siphon go go juice down the little bastard’s throat. It’s dark, subtle, intelligent, and fucking funny.

There is the obligatory drug, poop, and sexual humour, but it’s totally in line with Wilfred’s character. He is a dog after all, and really enjoys everything in excess. Do you know many pooches that practice moderation in anything? I sure don’t. (I’m looking at you, Blue.)

Now we have a smart, well written, hilarious show, but that’s not all. It will also make you think. A lot.

Doesn't everyone's dog read the paper?

Doesn’t everyone’s dog read the paper?

It’s also a psychological show, and there are lessons learned each week. One lesson is that you can’t always trust Wilfred. Another is that some girls have squishy tits. You’ll have to check it out to find out what the others are.

I don’t want to give anything away, but I do want to say that you should watch season 1 first, then go get season 2. It’s not something to jump right in the middle, because there is a story behind it all.

You say that it’s over baby, you say that it’s over now,

Birdman

Jul 18

Darien Lake And The Best Deal In The World

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You probably think I’m talking about the very affordable rates that they have with their vacation packages, or the slushie cups with the ninety nine cent refills, but I’m not. I’m talking about the USB flash drive that you can buy from any of the rides with photo booths. Those things give you unlimited ride photos, and they’re good for the whole season. If you remember Season 1 of Darien Lake, then you’ll remember the photo of Gadget and I on the Ride Of Steel. My wife paid $10 for that photo and we vowed we were going to get a bunch more this year.

We did.

We started out on Moose On The Loose, because it had been a while since we had gone on any rides, and we wanted to start small and work our way up.

I shouldn't show this, because I took my hand off the handle. The cute teenaged girl told me not to.

I shouldn’t show this, because I took my hand off the handle. The cute teenaged girl told me not to.

I actually didn’t see the camera, even though it was about the size of a Chevy Sprint and I was looking right at it. I had to ask the girl where it was after the ride was over. That’s when these next ones were taken.

Gadget didn't care what the young staffers thought about two grown men riding moose named Carl and Jimmy.

Gadget didn’t care what the young staffers thought about two grown men riding moose named Carl and Jimmy through the wilderness.

We then got out the props. Continue reading

Mar 06

The Top Secret Hoe-Down

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So we made it in, and we enjoyed the journey that brought us to the hall for the surprise party. By now everyone was feeling a little rambunctious and ready to let loose, so they did. The camera was taken by whoever wanted to use it, so there were quite a few shots that we’ll call “abstract” or “avant garde”. They didn’t make it into the fold, but these did!

Half of the Cameron Family Singers were here. You'll read more about them soon.

Half of the Cameron Family Singers were here. You’ll read more about them soon.

He's going to miss his buddy.

He’s going to miss his buddy.

You’ll find it hard to believe, but there was booze to be had. I know, it’s crazy. Continue reading

Mar 01

The Liberation Of E And Some Runaway Cats

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As you may remember, we are losing a couple from our ball team to browner pastures, and we are going to have to replace them, because we can’t leave second base wide open, especially when our all-star roamer won’t be around to cover it.

Yes, Dancing Queen and Mr. Man are buggering off to Alberta and it is going to be tough to fill their holes. Not on the field so much as in our hearts, but I guess we don’t really have a choice. We really do have the best ball team in all the land when it comes to having fun and caring about each other. I can’t think of anyone on there that I wouldn’t get out of bed at 3 am to pry off of the van door and then put to bed on the couch with a big puke bucket beside them. Well, in Mr. Man’s case it would be a bowl.

This is after our wedding in Dora and Swiper's trailer. We were so proud of our Cats that night. They shut the dance down and still took a case of beer and a bottle back to the trailer.

This is after our wedding in Dora and Swiper’s trailer. We were so proud of our Cats that night. They shut the dance down and still took a case of beer and a bottle back to the trailer.

Even after Mr. Man goes down, DQ is still getting her groove on.

Even after Mr. Man goes down, DQ is still getting her groove on.

You may recall the ball banquet when our trophy was kidnapped and we were taunted for what seemed like months. Well, we couldn’t let our friends haul their asses across our great nation knowing that the last time they saw our precious E that he was in the clutches of JRoc and her minions. This is why we decided to liberate E from his prison. Sure, it may have been a nice prison to lie low in for a few months, but it was a prison nonetheless. Continue reading