Mar 12

Sumofus.org And All The Rapist Pilots At WestJet

Birdman

You can install the sarcasm font on that title and most of my words in this post.

Maybe.

I recently received an email from Emma Pullman at SumOfUs.org. This is how it started:

sumofus01

Holy shit! That’s horrible. Up to dozens of women? This guy sounds like a monster.

It’s no secret that WestJet is my favourite airline, so this was especially troubling to me.

It continued:

sumofus02

Good for her. Those bastards need to pay. Wait a second. They are literally in the business of safety? I think we need to define what the word “literally” means. I think that they are literally in the business of transportation and serving deliciouscookie tubes with my club soda. I know safety is a part of their business, but it is also a part of every business. A construction company can safely build twelve skyscrapers, but I don’t think you’d say they were in the safety business. Anyhow, I’m nitpicking. Let’s continue with the persecution of the dirty rapists and their protectors.

sumofus03

Cough* Jian Ghomeshi* Cough

That’s right, they are a public company, and they do care what people think. I know from all of the times they responded to my tweets. Maybe that Saretsky guy should step down if he is just allowing up to dozens of women to get raped by this pilot. That’s a horrible person to protect, even if it’s his brother.1)I highly doubt it’s his brother I don’t understand why he’s doing this dastardly deed, because he seems like a great guy, judging from his blurbs in the in-flight magazine.

sumofus04

OMG, they’re celebrating their 20th anniversary already. They are definitely more vulnerable because of that. My friend was celebrating his 20th anniversary and while he was at dinner he caught his wife behind a dumpster with the waiter and a pastry chef that had a neck tattoo. We should attack WestJet now, while they are feeling all emotional and shit.

There is a whole other part of the email containing news and links to external news sources like The Globe and Mail and please send us $3, but that doesn’t matter, does it? I mean that we are thirsty for blood, after reading about this rapey pilot. Right?

Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a skim through the Globe And Mail story.

Here’s a part that I found interesting:

sumofus05

First of all, NO means NO!

Period.

I am not by any means condoning the pilot’s alleged behaviour, but she should also know to leave a party when the party is over. Especially when the pilot is drunk. Drunk people have poor judgement as a rule, but especially if they are of poor character as well.

Second of all, why only report it to a coworker the following day? Why not call the police, or at least a manager right after it happened? That had to be traumatizing, and would keep you up all night, I’m sure. Wouldn’t you want to immediately have this documented as a criminal act? I know I would, but I’m not a 24 year old woman in a foreign country, so I may be out to lunch on the subject.

sumofus06

Wait a minute. That says “None of the allegations has been proven in court.”

But SumOfUs.org emailed me and said that it did happen. Why would a so called “international consumer watchdog” send out a petition to force the resignation of a company CEO over unproven allegations? That seems completely slanderous and illegal, because there hasn’t even been a court hearing yet.

Don’t get me wrong. If he did these things, I hope he gets to spend a few years with a horny roommate named Big Jim, but whether he did or didn’t do it is not for Emma Pullman at SumOfUs to decide. It is for WestJet, and ultimately, a court of law to exact the judgement and punishment in this case.

As for the CEO of WestJet, I would hope that if it’s true that he knew an employee was raping and assaulting coworkers and then helped to cover it up so that said employee could go on raping and pillaging staff, he will discover a fate that is far worse than losing his cushy job. I’m thinking that maybe Big Jim would have enough love in his heart for two roommates.

Of course, if it turns out that it isn’t true, maybe I’ll start a petition company to force Emma Pullman to resign from SumOfUs.org.

What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander, right?

Birdman

P.S. You guys know that this is in no way a question of the accuser’s honesty, right? I’m not trying to make light of sexual assault in any way. I’m just trying to get the point across that until you know something is a fact, that you shouldn’t claim it’s so. Kind of like deities.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. I highly doubt it’s his brother
Jun 14

When Is It Okay?

Birdman

Last night I finished my long day of Ingress and met some of the players for a bite to eat and a drink. While I was there, I heard a guy allude to wanting a certain sex act with our server.

Loud, and to the server. It made me feel a bit shocked and embarrassed.

That’s not cool, right? I mean flirting is one thing, but to loudly exclaim about what you would like them to do with their genitals is completely inappropriate.

Hint: These were mentioned.

Hint: These were mentioned.

I’m right, aren’t I? I like to always be right. It gives me a holier than thou feeling.

Now, does it make a difference if it’s two gay men?

I am legitimately asking a question, because I have seen it on several occasions, and I wonder if it’s a different protocol when it’s guy on guy.

Do you remember the time I shamelessly plugged an old post about flirting that reminded me of this?1)That’s right now.

There was another time that I was driving taxi, and a man with two drunk, middle aged women got in the cab. He started talking about getting me out of my shirt, and then reached up over the seat and started rubbing my chest. I grabbed his hand, twisting his wrist back and maybe making him squeal a bit. Partly because he startled me, but mostly because he was wildly inappropriate and invading my space.

Him and his cackling hens started calling me a hillbilly gay basher, and a piece of shit homophobe, and when I tried to explain that it would be no different than if they were driving and some dude that they don’t find attractive did that to them, there would be charges laid, but the one chick said that there was no way she would ever stoop so low as to be a cab driver. Anyhow, they wouldn’t shut up or listen, so I kicked their drunk asses out on the curb.

Luckily for them, it was pretty close to a bar, so it was kind of a bonus. Free cab ride, and they got their excitement for the night. I should have had my wits about me and drove them to Precious Corners or something.  At least then I would have got a little satisfaction from the deal.

I’m not painting gay men with the same brush2)unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me, because the overbearing, lecherous ones are a very small percentage. I just find it odd that people don’t seem to be as offended when a man openly does something to another man that may or may not be welcome. For all I know, it’s a globally accepted practice, and I’m crazy to think that the same courtesies should be offered to everyone, no matter who they are.3)Excluding the Welsh, of course

So what are your thoughts on it? If you are gay, would this offend you, or would it be a thing where it depends on the circumstances? If you are straight, please go out and do some field research for me. Remember to take precautions for your safety.4)mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. That’s right now.
2. unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me
3. Excluding the Welsh, of course
4. mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube
May 05

Furry Fandom?

birdmandesk

So I went back and read the old post, How To Properly Shag A Sheep today. I still get a kick out of it, and the fact that roughly thirty people a day, every day read that post.

It’s the sole reason that some ad companies keep sending me emails. I hadn’t written in a year, but still consistently got over a thousand hits a month from all sorts of people.

Sadly, a lot of them got there by searching for phrases like, but not limited to:

  • how to fuck sheep
  • can man fuck sheep
  • sheep vagina
  • sex with sheep

When I got to the end of the post, I noticed a bunch of comments that I hadn’t seen before. One of them, I found kind of odd and disturbing.

kobidobi

Needless to say, I responded in anger at someone who is into zoophilia calling me wicked for being froward.1)adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.* I’m still trying to figure out what any of this has to do with the Lannisters.

So anyhow, I was on this pinhead’s profile and saw a bunch of posts and videos about people dressed as stuffed animals, and while I stared at the sheer volume of them, Mrs. B came to kiss me good night. I asked her to look at it and she said, “Yeah, they’re furries. It’s a real thing.”

I, of course, had to look into it. It’s real, with conventions and everything else. People have costumes that can cost more than $10000 and some of them have sex with the costumes on. Crazy, huh? I mean, I could understand it if they were Wookies or Storm Troopers, because everybody does that. Right?

Of course I’m kidding. I don’t care who you choose to have sex with, as long as they are into it too. Dress up as Toto, and have your partner be Dorothy for all I care. Hump the living shit out of her leg and leave a stain on the ruby slippers. Fly your freak flag high and proud, I say.

Do not have sex with real animals.

I know, I shouldn’t have to tell you that, but obviously it needs to be said. Go and look at the thread with the idiot and I. He seems to think that it’s okay to have sex with whatever you want, which brings me back to the furries.

the survey was replicated in 2008, and it found 17% of respondents reported zoophilia. The older lower results, which are even lower than estimated in the general population, were due to the methodology of questioning respondents face-to-face which led to social desirability bias.

That’s from the Furry Fandom Wikipedia page.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I know that Blue loves me more than probably anything2)with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things, but I’m certain that he does not want me to fuck him.

I’m absolutely sure of it.

I’ve had lots of female dogs over the years, and many had been in heat, but not once did any of them lift her tail and puff up her vagina to lure me in. Not one time.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t fuck her even if she was asking for it in concise English. I am not into it, but that’s just me. Call me a prude.

This kobidobidog seems to be okay with it though. Unless he’s a troll, but I don’t think so. There’s too much evidence of him being really into it.

So there it is. I’m going to let the dog out for a pee, and go curl up with my sweet mama. She’s been waiting for several hours.

Word to your moms,

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.*
2. with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things
Nov 14

Whatcha Got In That Box, Pandora?

fromthedesk

 

I have wanted to write this post for awhile, but I am always afraid of how some things will be perceived, even though what I have been thinking about is a legitimate concept from the perspective of any relationship.

I like to mouth off to others about ‘leaning into the discomfort’ of things, so here I go.

I have these friends who have a more alternative lifestyle. They are hands down some of the coolest people I know.  They have very different ideas about what constitutes love and marriage.   They are not monogamous, nor do they encourage the other to be.  In fact, they encourage each other to explore all sexual interests without prejudice.  It is an interesting idea from a theoretical viewpoint.  How can people learn to love freely and openly without jealousy or anger?  If we take out the part about not being monogamous, this is still a very legitimate question for monogamous couples.   As a theory, not as an argument for polyamory and its derivatives, the ability to love unconditionally is something that we should want to seek, regardless of our sexual choices.

2285660013_f9667ee1cb

See? People have been getting their freak on since before Christ was a cowboy.

I understand that living as a non-monogamous couple does apparently have some boundaries.  From what I gather, if any person in the arrangement starts to have feelings, the arrangement is redefined.  Feelings always indicate that someone is personally interested in the outcome of something.  If any either of my friends become uncomfortable, with any part of the situation, the situation is removed.  This conceivably lowers the possibility of deceit between partners.  Some will argue that they could end up falling in love with someone else.  I would reply that that could happen regardless.  It’s a matter of personal choice as to whether or not you enter into a deceptive relationship with  another person.  I don’t accept the argument that things just happen.  Things happen because we ignore growing feelings and allow ourselves to be in vulnerable situations, not because you have sex with people other than your spouse.  This happens in marriages all the time, and the blame always falls to the outside relationship.  It is more accurate to say that people will sleep with other peoples spouses without permission, far more than they will with permission, so let’s not get too judge-y here.

tiger-woods-cheating-meme

What a cheeky monkey…

I imagine the technicalities of a non-monogamous relationship would bring up some interesting conversations.  I love that they can honestly and openly negotiate such a difficult arrangement.  I have so much respect for the amount of trust and love needed to understand the real nature of unconditional love. The closest most of us come is the way we feel about our children.  We love them like an extension of our own body, one that we would die to protect.  The love flows freely from one to the other with the perfect understanding of trust and love.  That is the ideal, of course, and some days we only get a moment of the ideal, and the remainder a fraction of what we glimpsed.  However, we do feel it most for our children.  Why is it so unnatural for some of us to be unguarded enough to be able to love and be loved, so freely?

When we have been hurt sufficiently and learn to rebound back with our self esteem intact, and our understanding has improved, we are able to open ourselves raw to another.  We commit fully to the experience of loving and being loved, and take the chance of unexpected suffering later on, in order to take fullest advantage of our good fortune now.  The emotional and spiritual gains we earn are worth the pain we undergo.  When we look at each other with nothing but love and acceptance, we will begin to create the best partner we would ever want, and in turn create a beautiful process of self-fulfillment that will continue every day after.

"I love you unconditionally. And is that a train?"

“I love you unconditionally. And is that a train?”

There are many variables that have to be in place before a relationship like this can occur: complete trust, self-acceptance, emotional maturity, courage, physical attractiveness, mutual respect, agreement on fundamental belief systems and finally a desire for both to WANT something different.  If ALL of those variables are not met, the theory falls apart in lots of ways, and an alternative relationship will not be successful.  At any point, if one partner wants it more than the other, renegotiation is required.

Non-monogamous relationships are a hard-sell for most couples because of all of the variables that aren’t being addressed in our monogamous relationships.

Perhaps people think it’s more polite to say what someone else wants to hear, rather than risk offending.  Ultimately, we can’t possibly know someone who pretends to like the things we like so we don’t get mad at them.   If we aren’t being truthful with our partners in every way, then we are denying our mates the opportunity to know us intimately as people.   Being honest takes out the guess work in relationships.  You have to agree to be kind and fair, of course, but there is no reason anyone should be angry at anyone else for being honest about something they were asked.

Awkward-couple

I have to be honest. I’ve always hated that hat. And you.

One of the first times The Birdman asked me out, he offered to take me ***bowling.  I almost said I would go, but I remembered that I didn’t want to go bowling.  I would have normally said I would love to go, and just lied about hating bowling.  Instead, I said I just didn’t like bowling.   I took the chance that he was grown up enough not to be angry that I didn’t like something he liked.  Guess what?  I WAS RIGHT.  The thing is, most of the time, it is okay to be honest.  If it’s not okay, that is a great thing to find out early in a relationship, so you can get the hell out when you see the crazy coming at you.   We have to have the emotional maturity, personal security and self-acceptance that we are not reduced to shreds every time someone doesn’t agree with us.  It’s a small example, but it’s not a small idea.  If you are not telling the truth about the things you love, and don’t love, you are only hurting yourself.  Also, pretending to love camping might cause you to be spending 3 weeks camping every summer for the next 25 years.  See if that makes you change your mind about transparency in relationships.

Some people might be angry that I blew open Pandora’s box, but I don’t really think that’s fair.  I am talking about real relationship issues that just happen to deal with friends who like to go to sex clubs.  If we remove the sexual deviation from the equation, it is a completely valid argument that you could have at a crowded party.  I’m not saying I agree with them.  It’s not an endorsement of any lifestyle over any other.  However it is a fascinating study of how people relate to each other in a very grown up way.  I am not afraid to talk about ideas, even if they make people uncomfortable.  I’m not sorry if my ideas sometimes upset people.  My ideas are for people who sometimes have ideas of their own.  Why don’t you leave YOUR ideas in the comments?

Mrs. B

***I have just been informed that I remember the bowling incident as I WISH it had happened, and not as it ACTUALLY happened.  Apparently, I DID make a half-assed agreement to bowl at some point in the future.  I remember not wanting to bowl, and that we didn’t go bowling, so I assumed I had told him I didn’t want to. Now that I think about it, I wasn’t very much into being truthful when I met him, so I can see the irony of the bowling ‘life lesson’.  Well played, Karma.  Well played.

Aug 29

Therapy Thursday

newtherapythursday

Dear Therapy Thursday,

I am a magnet for the wrong type of guy!  I want to break free from the string of losers that I’ve dated and slept with. Are all men looking for the same thing?  Is it really about having a great body, big boobs, a fat ass and pretty face?  Doesn’t it matter that I have a name?  An opinion?  I think therefore I am?  I want someone who listens!  I want someone to hold me! I want someone to tell me I am pretty!  I want someone to notice when I change my hair color or nail polish! I want someone to LOVE ME!!  What is wrong with all the men??

 Loser Magnet

wpid-fromthedesk.jpeg

Dear Loser Magnet,

I have to take issue with your last sentence.

“What is wrong with all the men??”

I would like to pose the question to you: What is wrong with all the women? Why do they keep signing up for relationships with men who fall far short of the goal? At what point in a new relationship do you decide that you have hooked a loser?

I have a theory. If a woman knows her worth, she no longer puts up with less than she desires. If she DOES put up with less, she does it with the full understanding that this new relationship does not meet the acceptable standards, and she can no longer complain about the man OR the relationship. I believe people show us exactly who they are early on in a relationship. I remember the man who let me know he wasn’t into being very demonstrative with his feelings (dated him anyway), and the one afraid of commitment (dated him anyway), and the one who seemed to like men better than women (didn’t date him very long at all!). In hindsight, I can clearly see that there were problems almost from the very start that I ignored or minimized in the hope that this fresh candidate was THE ONE.

That brings us to the crux of the issue, in my humble opinion. Women (and men too for that matter) must really like, and feel confident about who THEY are, to be able to find and BE the kind of mate they are looking for. If you find yourself in one unsatisfactory relationship after another, the problem might not be the man. I don’t say this to be hurtful, or to cast blame, but to give you a point of view that you may not have considered. It’s easy to pay lip service to the idea that you like who you are, but do you really? Are you strong enough to do and say what you really want to? Do you feel certain enough about your ideas and desires that you are willing to hold on to them, even if they do not mesh with those of your partners?

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” I recently read that in a great book called “The Perks of Being A Wallflower” and I believe it speaks to the heart of the issue. Until we are strong enough to insist on what we want, we will not likely get it. Sometimes we get lucky and get it by accident. Life becomes simpler when we are allowed to be exactly who we are, and we allow our partners the same luxury. This comes with practise, but it starts with understanding that people need to be accepted for exactly who they are, with no expectation to change for someone else.

It’s a slippery slope trying to merge your life with someone else’s. There will always be things that don’t completely match up. You have to quickly know what you can, and CANNOT live with in another person. Since you are currently single, I am going to make a suggestion. I want you to write a list of ‘must haves’ for your future mate. These are non-negotiables for you. Then, create a list of ‘NO WAY’s’, which are things you cannot accept about someone. A third list of qualities which would be desirable, but not essential would round out the lists. When you meet someone, start looking at your list and assess the qualities this person has with whatever information you have. You are searching for someone who will complement your life, not turn you into a maid, a trophy or a carbon-copy of someone he used to know. Because you will be 100% Team You, you can start looking at the behaviour you see with a realistic eye, and not a hopeful heart.

One final thought: Is it essential that he notice your hair colour? Nail polish? Remember that some things only seem like a deal breaker. If a man loves you and treats you beautifully, the fact that he misses your new haircut may not be grounds for immediate dismissal. Let’s be flexible here… )

Mrs. Birdman

mindofbirdman
Dear Loser:
I think we need to look at this in a broken down format, because it will make it easier for my man brain to handle.
  1. I am a magnet for the wrong type of guy! That’s great! It takes all kinds of people to make this crazy world go around, and if it weren’t for girls like you, I would never have gotten laid in high school.
  2.  I want to break free from the string of losers that I’ve dated and slept with. Why? That is very selfish of you to exclude such a huge group of people from your breeding pool.
  3. Are all men looking for the same thing? You mean the blow job while you whistle Roger Whittaker through the dried boogers in your nose thing? Yep.
  4. Is it really about having a great body, big boobs, a fat ass and pretty face? No, sometimes we like to bang scrawny, homely women to remind us of that time we went to Burma.
  5. Doesn’t it matter that I have a name?  An opinion?  I think therefore I am? Not really. I’m probably just going to call you Babe or Pickletits. God I love pickles.
  6. I want someone who listens!  I want someone to hold me! I want someone to tell me I am pretty!  I want someone to notice when I change my hair color or nail polish! I want someone to LOVE ME!! Holy shit, you are one needy motherfucker. Get yourself a dog and a male prostitute. I hear The Six-Fingered Monkey is cheap.
  7. What is wrong with all the men?? Same thing that’s wrong with all of the women. We don’t get enough fibre in our diet.

The world don’t move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, might not be right for some,

Birdman
P.S. I rarely notice hair and/or nails. That shit doesn’t matter to me.