Mar 23

I’m Trying Something New Again

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

I recently went to a friend’s site and clicked on his Amazon link to find a popup that asked if I wanted to shop at Amazon Canada. I thought that was pretty cool and I asked him how he got that to come up. He didn’t know what I was talking about, so I sent in a question to Amazon thinking it might be something to do with them.

It wasn’t, but the helpful fellow told me that it would be a specific code on the site from the hosting company or that he did himself. Seeing as he didn’t do it, I figured I would look up plugins for WordPress that dealt with it.

I came up with EasyAzon. It was $47. I hope it works like they say it will. I am going to try it out here, and if it works out well, I will also put it on our new site, Granola Light.

I think that I am actually going to try making money on the internet, and seeing as this blog has proven wildly unsuccessful at it, I might as well use it as my guinea pig. What have I got to lose, right?

The thing is, I need a little help.

I am going to post a few Amazon ads and I would really appreciate it if you could click on them and see if they take you to the Amazon of your respective country, then if you could either comment whether it worked on here, the Facebook page, G+, or Twitter, I would really appreciate it.

I’m trying to take the online course that came with it, but so far it is just teaching me how to create a site with the sole purpose of getting traffic to Amazon. While that sounds awesome,(not really), I would rather take a more organic approach and hope for a little trickle of business from Amazon.1)Although I have been toying with the idea of a very profane and snarky review site. Let me know if you think that would fly.

So anyhow, I am putting a few links up. Please let me know how it works. My fingers are crossed.

The first is an image link. You should be able to hover over it as well.

This is just a text link.

Game of Thrones: Season 1-5 dvd Bundle

And this is a CTA thingy?

I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but hopefully I will soon. I really like this kind of shit, and I’m hoping I can keep doing it, but I’m sure that one day I will have to go back to work. Between this, soap making, chickens, and the worms, I think I could have a pretty cool career.

Yes, I am counting my chickens before they are hatched. Figuratively and literally. I will get them after they are hatched and off the heat lamp.

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. Although I have been toying with the idea of a very profane and snarky review site. Let me know if you think that would fly.
Feb 23

This Post Was Going To Be About Fracking…

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…but then the anger started happening.

It looks like I won’t be working much for a while, so I thought I should figure out another way to make a bit of cash. I thought about Google AdSense, but if you remember, they banned me for life.

I guess I will fire up my Amazon Affiliate Program account again and go with that. They are an online retailer that I have purchased from several times, and all with great success. I have actually never had to wait as long as they have stated, and everything is always packaged very well.

After breaking several $25 Bodum carafes, I ordered this beauty about 4 months ago.

It’s been fantastic. I will never have a broken glass to replace, and the coffee stays hot for well over an hour, unlike the 25 minutes you were lucky to get from the glass ones.

Anyhow, I’m getting sidetracked while trying to hawk their wares.

In some cases, I will be adding things that apply directly to a post, but in others it will just be there for comedic effect or to incite riots. I am going to go back through the blog as I have time, and clean things up, while trying to add ads to posts. I understand if you don’t want to read stories and shit with ads on them, but when your boss says that it doesn’t look like there will be any more work this winter, you need to try what you can.

Also, I need to check old posts for dead links and shitty writing.

Speaking of shitty writing, I’m a little late for this party, but if you have already got your copies wet from the massaging shower head, here’s your chance to grab some fresh ones.

See what I did there?

I’m also going to put things up in my Amazon Store when I get it going. It will just be things that I have bought and can recommend. I won’t be a shill for things I can’t vouch for.

Birdman

May 01

I’ve Made The Switch

birdmandesk

I just watched the movie God’s Not Dead. It’s a Christian drama that has made me rethink my agnostic views. I know, I didn’t think it was possible for me to change my mind either, especially seeing how stubborn and strong minded I am, but it happened.

The performances of Dean Cain, Kevin Sorbo, and whoever that little puke is that portrayed Josh, along with the writing have completely swung my vote. Congratulations to all of you.

I am now a full blown, born again atheist.

That’s right, this movie was so bad that it made me sure that not only is there no God, but no omnipotent entity that is watching over us at all.

If there was, everyone involved in the making and distribution of this film would be dead1)At least maimed. right now. I question whether the Nazi propaganda was this poorly written and unbelievable during the war. I don’t think that it could be.

But Birdman, you didn’t believe in God before, why do you say “born again”?

Well, I was an atheist for probably twenty years, and then when I was about 29 I was having a discussion about religion with a very well read and well spoken fellow that posed the question, “Are you that arrogant that you can say with certainty that God doesn’t exist?”

I thought about it for a bit and decided that it was pretty shitty for me to shoot down their beliefs due to lack of proof, when I really had no proof that their god didn’t exist. I thought that being agnostic made me more tolerant to other people’s insane religions, and therefore making me a better person than the religious zealots.

Well, I am that shitty and arrogant now. Thanks, Kevin Sorbo. You fucking hack.

After watching his over the top performance as the atheist professor with the monumental slip-up, I went to the local pawn shop and bought a $4 DVD set of those low budget Hercules shows that he was in and burnt them on the front steps of the church.

Herc_Title_card

The aroma was pleasing to the lord.

The Dean Cain atheist character was probably worse, but didn’t get as much air time as fucking Herc, so I hated him a little bit less. I think that when his atheist girlfriend got cancer and he scolded, belittled, and then dumped her, that we were supposed to seethe and spit fire at how callous those atheists are.

I was too busy laughing at how preposterous the whole scene was. Luckily there was a Christian pop band there to pray for her cancer to go away, so I’m sure she’s fine now.

I guess my favourite part of the movie is at 1:392)Yes, it is that long, and yes, it feels more like seven hours. when Hercules got hit by a car in front of a couple of pastors at the end. The driver sped off and the African holy man immediately touches Herc on the stomach with four fingertips and proclaimed that his ribs were crushed and his lungs were filling with blood.

Wow. This dude is wasting his talents as a triage medic. You couldn’t even hear a gurgle when he spoke to the minister guy about not knowing Jesus, but sure enough, he died right after that guy said he didn’t have long.

Thankfully he accepted Jesus as his saviour in his final throes. Vaya con dios, young Sorbo. You died blood free and with a heart full of light. Not that it is going to help you.

You know, because he is dead. Drowned on his own blood. It silently filled his lungs, but due to Jesus or something, none of it came out his windpipe as he gasped and talked while lying on his back.  I think what made it funnier for me was when I read this on IMDB:

When commenting on the final scene with Kevin Sorbo’s character, producers of the film stated “we felt like we did a good thing. There was a sense of completion and warmth as the principle actors and extras looked over his dead, atheist body. In full Christian spirit, He did away with evil. Really a very beautiful thing. He’s not dead.”

Wow. That’s fucked up. What’s more fucked up is that the movie has a critic approval rating of about 16 at Metacritic and 17% at Rotten Tomatoes, and it still managed to gross more than 67 million. I think I’m going to write a movie about how awesome atheism is, and we’ll see what actors I can get. They will have to be better than the tripe I saw in this movie.

Now, can anyone front us a couple mill to get this show on the road?

Birdman

P.S. That douchebag from Duck Dynasty has some cameos in this too. That should keep you guessing.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. At least maimed.
2. Yes, it is that long, and yes, it feels more like seven hours.
Apr 04

Eeeek, I Shopped At Walmart

And you’ll never guess what I got there.

I know, I know. I’m never going to live it down, but hear me out. I lifted my boycott a couple of years ago when I found out that they were carrying more products that were made in Canada, so I decided to lighten up on them a bit. From what I understand, Walmart Canada is run differently than the US, but all of the profits still end up there, so it doesn’t get me all giddy or anything.

What does get me giddy is seeing my friend Steph. Actually, seeing anything is good, which is how I ended up at Walmart in Trenton, Ontario.

I forgot my glasses out west in the dump truck, and was left with these.

They're a 10 year old prescription on safety lenses.

They’re a 10 year old prescription on safety lenses.

I was thinking about getting someone to ship my glasses to me, when I thought about it. They are a couple of years old, I hate them, and the prescription was taken off of these decade old safety lenses by a drunk chick. It really isn’t worth the few bucks to get them shipped.

So I got an eye exam and then went to see Steph, who is an optician at the Walmart in Trenton, Ontario. When I looked at the situation, it didn’t really matter where I got my glasses. I checked all of the stores around, and online, but they are all made overseas. So I figured I would keep my friend working for at least another hour or two.

She helped me try on glasses like these.

Nerdy, but dead sexy professor.

Nerdy, but dead sexy professor.

And these,

I think that these came in second.

I think that these came in second.

And a whole bunch of other ones as well, but these were the ones we settled on.

Apparently they are nice. They're comfortable, so I like that.

Apparently they are nice. They’re comfortable, so I like that.

Steph picked these ones, but I wasn’t sold, so I put it to a vote on G+. Everyone must understand that the voting is just so I get to try things on, while the final decision is made by Mrs. Birdman, and she picked them too. Actually, almost everyone chose them, so I guess my sense of style sucks.

There was a two pair deal (shocker), so I took it, because I needed some decent sunglasses as well. This was also put to a vote, and these were the winners by Steph, Mrs. B, and almost all of the five voters.

These totally distract you from noticing my wattle.

These totally distract you from noticing my wattle. Doh!

In case you are now saying to yourself, “Birdman is whipped. Why would he blindly let his wife pick out his glasses? Be a man.”, think about this.

I rarely look in the mirror, as most people can tell by my hair, so I will rarely see the glasses.

and…

I like to cocoon, and nobody wants to cocoon with someone wearing these.

Not as creepy as Jon LaJoie, but that's just because of my grin.

Not as creepy as Jon LaJoie, but that’s just because of my grin.

All in, I got two pairs of good quality glasses; one with polarized tint, and both with all the coatings and such, for $340. That seems like a pretty good deal to me. I wear my glasses all day, every day when I’m working, and I want to know that my lenses are matched up with my eyes, because I know what it’s like to have a pair of specs that are a bit off. It can make for some pretty bad headaches, and can probably result in your eyes getting tired or something. (I’m looking for scientific confirmation here.)

Anyhow, if you find that you need glasses, and you aren’t sure who to see, I highly recommend that you head down to Trenton and look for this beautiful face in the Wallymart Vision Centre.

The one on the right. You'll have a hard time finding me there before my next pair.

The one on the right. You’ll have a hard time finding me there before my next pair.

If you don’t see her, just ask for Stephanie. I’ve been wearing glasses since I was six years old, and have been fitted for a lot of pairs. She knows what she’s doing, and takes her career very seriously.

There, now that’s probably the last time you will ever see me recommend Walmart for anything.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

Birdman

(I was in no way compensated for this post. I just like to pass on tales of great service. – CB)

Feb 05

Exactly What I Needed

birdmandesk

I need to buzz through this, but so much happened this weekend, I don’t know where to start.

I guess here is as good a place as any.

I watched this resonating Ted Talk with Elan Morgan shortly after it came out. I hadn’t seen or heard of a Ted Talk at that time, but I’ve watched it eight times since then. It’s triumphant and beautiful.

I had read her blog, and although I didn’t subscribe, I enjoyed popping in occasionally. The thing that kept me checking back was how well written it was.

Fast forward to a month ago. I was flipping through the webs and saw that she was speaking at a conference in Winnipeg called Mblog 2014.

The Anatomy of Great Content (and the fire that refines it)

That was the title of her presentation, so I looked up the conference and saw the different speakers. One of them was The Bloggess.

Say what?

This is my "Say what?" face. I hope you liked it. I took it myself.

This is my “Say what?” face. I took this myself.

Hmmm. Here was a thing I hadn’t heard of, in Winnipeg, and Jenny Lawson was going to be there. I started poking around and was excited by the other speakers and topics. I also needed some new breath, because I had been in a huge funk when it came to posting.

As some of you may know, I went to a blogging conference once that tainted me against these events in general, but this one looked different. It was what I expect a blog conference to be like. I made the necessary arrangements, and off I went to The Peg for a few days. Not the best choice for a winter vacation, but I didn’t care. I needed this.

I didn’t book a hotel room.

I saw that it was going to run me about $150 a night, so I looked on Facebook for someone to split with. That’s when a friend told me about guest houses. She’s a smart and savvy girl, so I figured that I had better check into it. I looked around and found Tak and Mike’s place for $45 a night and it was only a ten minute walk to the university.

Score.

Street view doesn't come out in the winter maybe.

Street view doesn’t come out in the winter maybe.

$90 compared to $300 is a bargain, and it helped me feel better about drinking $70 worth of beer at the meet and greet. (That includes tips, Judgey.) It was also a comfy place to stay. Clean, modern, and with friendly hosts. Oh, they have two small dogs as well, in case you are allergic or something stupid like that.

Oh, Tak plays violin with the Winnipeg Symphony. I got to have a few good chats with her about that, and was fascinated by how it all works.

Anyhow, I am going to take some advice from the conference, and shorten my posts up. I get long winded sometimes.

Birdman

Have any of you ever stayed in a guest house? Would you?