May 30

Therapy Thursday

newtherapythursday

I am contemplating going to a new job. More money. Bonuses. Overtime. Same hours. Not as mentally challenging but much more physical. Problem is, I am scared to death about being discriminated against because I am transgender. I don’t plan on announcing it to everyone, but I can’t quite “pass” as a male yet. I know there are laws to protect me. As the old saying goes “Sticks and stones.”, but words can still hurt. Got any good advice for me?

Dustin

(Editor’s note: Dustin blogs at Becoming Oliver, so go check it out. He talks about a lot of shit there. Well, a few weeks ago he was. Sometimes he’s lazy, like me.)

birdmandesk

Dear Dustin:

Do I? Fuck yeah, I have all kinds of advice, but first tell me if you have one of these?

logoshot

They're sippy cups for people who enjoy giving people heart attacks.

They’re sippy cups for people who enjoy giving other people heart attacks.

(photos from http://www.theselfmademen.com/ )

It would sure make me think you were a dude if I was standing next to you at a urinal. Well, unless you used the really dark one. That might give it away.

Anyhow, I don’t have any advice, other than to tell you that money doesn’t matter. If you love your job, and you were doing okay there, I personally wouldn’t take a job that you aren’t sure about just because it’s paying a bit better.

Now, that being said, if you don’t love the job you’re at right now, then what the fuck? You might as well try the new one. It may be your dream job, but even if it’s not, you have some added security until you do find what you’re looking for. The benefits might even cover some of the incidentals when you have your surgery. They sure can’t hurt, right?

Do what you feel is right. You still have that shithead supervisor? That’s something to take into account. I’m sure there will be a shithead at your new job, should you take it, but you are going to find them at every job you go to. I think that your gut will lead you in the right direction. Mine’s leading me to the bottom of this bag of Crispers.

Whatever you do will be an adventure, and we wish you the best.

Plays for keeps and try to never lose, live it fast but live the life you choose,

Birdman

SmartyTalks

Dear Duster,

Fuck that shit. Jobs are for suckers. You sure as fuck won’t catch me doing one, because I live the dream.

That’s right, I’m my own boss, and last year my company did better than General Motors. I work when I want, party all fucking day, and still have time left in my schedule to meet friends for coffee at night.

It’s such a great gig, but it’s hard to do it by myself, so I’ve been thinking I could really use another key person in my organisation. Someone who is smart.

There are lots of smart people looking for work, right? The problem is that I also need someone I can trust. Someone who isn’t going to piss away what I’ve worked so hard for.

I could use someone like you, but you probably aren’t interested.

You might be? Well don’t worry. It isn’t something shady like Amway or Primerica. This is a good, respectable job that could turn a tidy profit for the right person.

I think that person is you. You have what it takes.

You get to be your own boss, make your own hours, and you get to bang all sorts of hotties.

M

Maybe hotties was a poor choice of words.

Plus you get to stay in motels a lot.

It's great, because you don't have to pay for a whole night if you're just going to be there for a few hours.

It’s great, because you don’t have to pay for a whole night if you’re just going to be there for an hour.

I’m telling you, once you get some decent clients that pay upfront, you’ll be living the life of Riley. Not from the old radio show, but Riley, the guy who sometimes has to do collections for me. He drives a Lincoln. Yep, a real Lincoln.

Anyhow, if you like a bit of adventure in your career, give me a call and I’ll get your cubicle all set up for you.

If this is too cramped, there is a bigger one coming available in a few days.

If this is too cramped, there is a bigger one coming available in a few days.

Well the Dealer was a killer; he was evil and mean and he was jealous of the fire in her eye,

Smarty

Aug 30

Therapy Thursday

Dear Therapy Thursday:

So here’s my problem: my girlfriend has a big crush on Judge Judy and I just don’t get it. Can you help me understand?

Wishing It Was Oprah

Dear Wishing: I really struggled with this one. Part of me wants to tell you to run away, but then I realized that you might be lesbians, and I never want to see lesbians break up.

If you are a man, run for the hills, unless that’s where you already are, because, let’s face it, this is a pretty hillbilly dilemma, if I ever did see one.

If you are a lady, then I suggest a few different things, so read them all and choose whichever one makes you hornyhappy. Continue reading

Aug 02

Therapy Thursday

Therapy Thursday People,

I have a problem, as most of us do, and my problem I need help with from You, Smarty and the Mrs, is this. Why can’t people keep their mouths shut about private matters when it is disclosed to them in the friendship confidentiality code? I’m not talking about whispering a few things to your significant other, keeping them in the loop about certain things that happen in a healthy friend loop. I’m talking about when you tell a friend, in confidence, an embarrassing thing that is going on in your life, and they just tell anyone that will listen. I just don’t get it and I’m almost to the point where I don’t need people like that as friends anymore! Please help me understand why these fuckers do this, because it’s accumulating into HUGE snowballs of grief and heartache for me! It’s hard when you can’t trust your friends.

Companion Catharsis

Dear Companion,

I feel your pain. We have all been the subject of unwelcome scrutiny in our public (or private) lives, and no one likes to feel the tractor beam of interest fall on them when it’s a matter we’d rather leave private. Continue reading

Aug 01

Okay, I’ll Bite. (Into A Juicy Chick-fil-A Sandwich)

There, I said it. I would eat a Chick-fil-A sandwich, just on principle.Wait, let me state my case before you get all crazy on me, you buncha homo lovers.

From the info I’ve pulled off of Wikipedia, Chick-fil-A started a charity in 1984 called the WinShape Foundation, which has a sister foundation called Lifeshape. Now the WinShape Foundation, from what I can tell, gives money to Eagle Forum, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Marriage and Family Legacy Fund, Family Research Council, Exodus International, and Focus On The Family. They also have some sort of affiliation with the Pennsylvania Family Institute.

Now most of you know my feelings about religion and the folks who spout it, so you would think that I would be all over these people, but how is that any different than them trying to silence me? The thing is that my stance on freedom of speech overrules that. Just like I’m free to say what I want about religion, sex, and whatever other bullshit that I’m spewing, they are free to believe what they want and say it as loud as they want. Well, as long as there’s not a curfew where they are. No one is allowed to just be screaming their head off all night. Lights out at eleven, peeps.

Yes, even for them.

Continue reading

May 28

Praise Jesus

Quite a bit of cursing in this one. Just saying. Or is it jus’ sayin’? Oh fuck, who really cares, anyhow?

So, for those of you that don’t follow comic books, let me fill you in on something…

I don’t follow comic books either.

I do follow stupid shit though, so when I saw this on a friend’s Facebook wall, I had to investigate.

Tabar-fucking-nak

Yes, I was informed that the white dude in the left-hand picture is an openly gay, Quebecois superhero from the X-Men comic books. What in the fuck is this world coming to? Do you seriously think that children need to be exposed to this sort of abomination? It’s bad enough that they have to see these freaks on television, in our hockey games, or in our makeshift military, but now we have to see them in our comic books as well. They have even taken over Las Vegas, mincing about in their colourful costumes, and their tight leotards. I remember when Vegas was reserved for real men, like Old Blue Eyes, Sammy Davis Jr. and Deano. Jesus Christ, they’d be rolling in their graves right now if they could see the shit that’s going on in the world. Continue reading