Feb 25

Re-Publish Old Posts?

birdmandesk

I was just going through my posts, starting with the first and working my way up, to fix any errors, dead links, dead photos, or whatever I see fit. I was also putting ads in, because I’m poor. I mean really, why not? People buy shit from Amazon all the time. If they click on a link on this site, Amazon sends me a small chunk, and it doesn’t cost anyone anything extra.

Anyhow, I started reading these old posts and getting all nostalgic, when I came across one that ruffled some feathers. I had forgotten about this post, but when I read it again, I wanted to republish it. It’s one of those ones that I wouldn’t dare add any photos to. It’s not funny, and any photos would either diminish it, or rip a hole through my soul, for lack of a better word.

I started looking into republishing old posts, you know, to recycle content that some people might not see, or to post something to fill in the gaps. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea or not.

If I go through with it, what would be an acceptable amount of regurgitation? Once a week? I don’t want to make people hate me my self promoting doppelganger. Fucking attention whore.

I also applied for a job with the Canadian Census 2016 today. It seems like it would be alright, judging from the little flyer they put in the mail. It’s from early March to the end of July, so that’s pretty reasonable weather for banging on doors or whatever the job entails.

I’m also going to be selling some of my composting worms for bait. This is good, because that will help recoup some of the cost of getting them, and setting them up. I also hope to be able to build some flow through bins and sell some composting packages to locals as my red wiggler population grows. I really love these worms. They are so cool and hungry. I’d say they have tripled in population since I got them around August. They could be a blog on their own, really. A boring blog that nobody would read, but a blog nonetheless.

Anyhow, I guess I need to know if one old post a week would bother anyone, and if anyone has ever worked for the census and what it was like. Let me know in the comments or by whatever means you have available that would tickle your fancy.

Birdman

May 05

Furry Fandom?

birdmandesk

So I went back and read the old post, How To Properly Shag A Sheep today. I still get a kick out of it, and the fact that roughly thirty people a day, every day read that post.

It’s the sole reason that some ad companies keep sending me emails. I hadn’t written in a year, but still consistently got over a thousand hits a month from all sorts of people.

Sadly, a lot of them got there by searching for phrases like, but not limited to:

  • how to fuck sheep
  • can man fuck sheep
  • sheep vagina
  • sex with sheep

When I got to the end of the post, I noticed a bunch of comments that I hadn’t seen before. One of them, I found kind of odd and disturbing.

kobidobi

Needless to say, I responded in anger at someone who is into zoophilia calling me wicked for being froward.1)adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.* I’m still trying to figure out what any of this has to do with the Lannisters.

So anyhow, I was on this pinhead’s profile and saw a bunch of posts and videos about people dressed as stuffed animals, and while I stared at the sheer volume of them, Mrs. B came to kiss me good night. I asked her to look at it and she said, “Yeah, they’re furries. It’s a real thing.”

I, of course, had to look into it. It’s real, with conventions and everything else. People have costumes that can cost more than $10000 and some of them have sex with the costumes on. Crazy, huh? I mean, I could understand it if they were Wookies or Storm Troopers, because everybody does that. Right?

Of course I’m kidding. I don’t care who you choose to have sex with, as long as they are into it too. Dress up as Toto, and have your partner be Dorothy for all I care. Hump the living shit out of her leg and leave a stain on the ruby slippers. Fly your freak flag high and proud, I say.

Do not have sex with real animals.

I know, I shouldn’t have to tell you that, but obviously it needs to be said. Go and look at the thread with the idiot and I. He seems to think that it’s okay to have sex with whatever you want, which brings me back to the furries.

the survey was replicated in 2008, and it found 17% of respondents reported zoophilia. The older lower results, which are even lower than estimated in the general population, were due to the methodology of questioning respondents face-to-face which led to social desirability bias.

That’s from the Furry Fandom Wikipedia page.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I know that Blue loves me more than probably anything2)with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things, but I’m certain that he does not want me to fuck him.

I’m absolutely sure of it.

I’ve had lots of female dogs over the years, and many had been in heat, but not once did any of them lift her tail and puff up her vagina to lure me in. Not one time.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t fuck her even if she was asking for it in concise English. I am not into it, but that’s just me. Call me a prude.

This kobidobidog seems to be okay with it though. Unless he’s a troll, but I don’t think so. There’s too much evidence of him being really into it.

So there it is. I’m going to let the dog out for a pee, and go curl up with my sweet mama. She’s been waiting for several hours.

Word to your moms,

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.*
2. with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things
Mar 19

So You Want To Be Popular?

Birdman Living with a couple of pre-teen girls makes me privy to a lot of topics that I had completely forgotten about.

One of these things is the desire of young people to be popular.

Now, we all know that this isn’t a new thing*, but it does seem to be happening at a much younger age now. I would estimate a full two grades younger around here; maybe more in an urban setting.

* Remember these two?
Listen, I've got this whole high school thing psyched out.

Listen, I’ve got this whole high school thing psyched out.

 Needless to say, I have watched the whole series. Add that to my experience of wanting to be popular myself, and you get a chance to learn from my, and other’s, mistakes.
School is a tough racket, but I think I have a few tidbits of advice to help you kids make it to adulthood with your sense of self intact.

1. Be nice to people.

That’s it. Just be nice to people. Whether they can help you in any way or not, treat them with kindness and respect, until a time comes that they don’t deserve it. Don’t assume that because someone doesn’t “fit in” with the people that you consider cool, that those people aren’t worth your friendship. They usually are.

I say “usually”, because some people are mean, and it doesn’t matter what you do. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be kind to them too, I’m just saying that I don’t expect you to go out of your way. That doesn’t mean you can treat them poorly though. There is a reason that they are angry, and it’s probably because their life isn’t as charmed as yours is.

While you think you have it tough when you don’t get all of the things that your friends have, some kids only get to look forward to abuse and cruelty when they get home. Consider that before you take any actions toward them. They probably have enough crap to deal with after school.

2. Always stand up for what you think is right.

Throughout your life you will see injustice firsthand. Don’t be party to it, and don’t ignore it, just because it “isn’t your problem”. Remember: a fat lip or a bloody nose only hurts for a short while, but your memories can haunt you for a lifetime. If you see something that needs to be stopped; stop it. You will feel proud of yourself, and you might even get a cool scar to show your kids when they ask about the time you saved Suzanne’s* mom from a bunch of bullies.

* It will probably be something like Trinzy’s mom, but I keep dreaming of names staying quasi-normal for a few years.

3. Conduct yourself with honour and integrity.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

― Mark Twain

I bet Mark Twain would have been a great friend to have.

I bet Mark Twain would have been a great friend to have.

Take it from me, lying and being sneaky will bring you nothing but grief and poor sleep. When I was young, I used to lie all the time. I thought it worked out well for me.

It didn’t.

Sure, you might get away with it for a while, but in the end you’ll be in a confession booth or therapist’s chair, and you’ll probably melt someone’s mind with the fury in which you unleash your guilt. This isn’t healthy for anyone, so if you feel like being dishonest about something; choose your words wisely. They can come back to bite you twice as hard if they aren’t true.

4. Listen to others, but think for yourself.

Some of this stuff I practiced from an early age, but most of it I have adopted after seeing that it was much better than the way I was doing it. I really wish I had listened to my folks and my heart instead of people who weren’t going to matter in the end. Always consider the source when getting advice on anything. Your heart will tell you what to do, and as long as you aren’t evil, it is probably pretty close to correct.

I guess that’s about it for now. If you follow these, and a whole bunch of other rules, you will find that as you get older, you will never be without friends that are as true to as you are to them.

No matter where you go.

Someone I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst I’m best with you,

Birdman

Feb 05

Exactly What I Needed

birdmandesk

I need to buzz through this, but so much happened this weekend, I don’t know where to start.

I guess here is as good a place as any.

I watched this resonating Ted Talk with Elan Morgan shortly after it came out. I hadn’t seen or heard of a Ted Talk at that time, but I’ve watched it eight times since then. It’s triumphant and beautiful.

I had read her blog, and although I didn’t subscribe, I enjoyed popping in occasionally. The thing that kept me checking back was how well written it was.

Fast forward to a month ago. I was flipping through the webs and saw that she was speaking at a conference in Winnipeg called Mblog 2014.

The Anatomy of Great Content (and the fire that refines it)

That was the title of her presentation, so I looked up the conference and saw the different speakers. One of them was The Bloggess.

Say what?

This is my "Say what?" face. I hope you liked it. I took it myself.

This is my “Say what?” face. I took this myself.

Hmmm. Here was a thing I hadn’t heard of, in Winnipeg, and Jenny Lawson was going to be there. I started poking around and was excited by the other speakers and topics. I also needed some new breath, because I had been in a huge funk when it came to posting.

As some of you may know, I went to a blogging conference once that tainted me against these events in general, but this one looked different. It was what I expect a blog conference to be like. I made the necessary arrangements, and off I went to The Peg for a few days. Not the best choice for a winter vacation, but I didn’t care. I needed this.

I didn’t book a hotel room.

I saw that it was going to run me about $150 a night, so I looked on Facebook for someone to split with. That’s when a friend told me about guest houses. She’s a smart and savvy girl, so I figured that I had better check into it. I looked around and found Tak and Mike’s place for $45 a night and it was only a ten minute walk to the university.

Score.

Street view doesn't come out in the winter maybe.

Street view doesn’t come out in the winter maybe.

$90 compared to $300 is a bargain, and it helped me feel better about drinking $70 worth of beer at the meet and greet. (That includes tips, Judgey.) It was also a comfy place to stay. Clean, modern, and with friendly hosts. Oh, they have two small dogs as well, in case you are allergic or something stupid like that.

Oh, Tak plays violin with the Winnipeg Symphony. I got to have a few good chats with her about that, and was fascinated by how it all works.

Anyhow, I am going to take some advice from the conference, and shorten my posts up. I get long winded sometimes.

Birdman

Have any of you ever stayed in a guest house? Would you?

Nov 27

Old Buddies

MOBROS

Since I’ve been back I’ve had the chance to spend a bit of time with some good friends. A couple of them are guys that I haven’t seen in a long time, or so it feels anyhow.

When Brad messaged me to say he had an extra ticket for an Argos game, I didn’t question what the girl’s name was that had to cancel at the last minute. I just figured that it would be a great night out with an old friend after a very long month of work.

I was right.

First we hit up Wayne Gretzky’s for a few pints and a couple of damn fine burgers.

They didn't have Export. He wasn't happy about that.

They didn’t have Export. He wasn’t happy about that.

We also tried to make friends with the bartender that wasn’t a bald dude.

This kept him from complaining about no Ex.

This kept him from complaining about no Ex.

After we had our fill, we headed for the SkydomeRoger’s Centre and met this guy.

The customer is always right.

The customer is always right.

I told him that I’d buy a foam finger from him if he would Miley Cyrus it for the camera. He must work on commission, because he only complained a bit before giving us the goods.

Brad figured that he could have done a better job and showed him how someone who really wanted to make a sale would do it.

Wait for it...

Wait for it…

I would say that he watched the Grammies, or whatever show she did that on.

Not a money shot, but close enough for me.

Then we went inside and had an $11 beer. I thought that it would taste like the love of a good woman at that price, but it didn’t, it just tasted like regular beer. Live and learn, I guess.

I was told that there was a football game going on, but I couldn’t see past this.

He shoots, he scores!

He shoots, he scores!

Before you think that I’m just there perving out on the cheerleaders, you should probably judge this guy first.

Ooooh yeah. Mama's been doing her crunches.

Ooooh yeah. Mama’s been doing her crunches.

He recorded so much tits and ass that the battery died on his tablet and he had to start using his phone. It’s lucky that he didn’t wear it out, because I’d hate for him to have to borrow one of his kids ipods to finish up with.

There was a British boy band there. I think they were called One Direction, but I may be mistaken.

Which one is Niall?

Which one is Niall?

I don’t remember who won, because we fucked off before the game ended, but I hope it was whoever you like. We decided that the best thing about the night was getting pissy (it’s not misspelled) in a bar, eating street meat, and calling Shauna from the bus station to find out what Bessy’s name was.

Next time I hope we will meet up and head to the Cameron House to check out some bands and support some locals, but until then I will just remember having a great night with a good friend.

Not a real smiley prick, is he?

Not a real smiley prick, is he? It might be because he just had to buy the $22 round.

I need to spend more time with my pals. It makes me happy.

It sometimes makes me drunk too.

Like this past weekend, when Chin Daddy and I went to the camp. It was so good to catch up with him, even if he didn’t agree with my method of getting the torch working better.

I tried to explain to him that I was a professional.

I tried to explain to him that I was a professional.

There wasn’t as much photographic evidence, but it was fun and relaxing. I think it was the first time I’ve ever drank beer with Chin and it was glorious. It was also the first time I have drank a bottle of Bailey’s with him. It’s not because we wanted to. We were starting to nod off, so out came the coffee and we didn’t have any cream so…

There's a guy who is no stranger to late night caffeine.

There’s a guy who is no stranger to late night caffeine.

You know the feeling you get when a really good friend is truly happy? That smile that comes from just above your belly button and works its way up through your body? Well I had it that night. I love to see people who deserve something great finally get it.

The pink brings out the red in his eyes.

The pink brings out the red in his eyes.

For those of you that are relatively new here and didn’t think that my writing was worth digging around, Chin and I went on a great adventure together. It was one of the best trips of my life, and really showed me what a stand up guy that my new friend was. I learned quickly that if Chin said he was going to do something, he did it. Another thing I learned was that if you thanked him for anything, he would say “That’s what I’m here for.” With a straight face.

Seriously. Maybe I’m easily amused, but it made me laugh every time.

“Thanks for holding the door.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“Thanks for not warning me about that fart. I like it when my nostrils and mouth are full of that burnt hair odor. It tastes like sheep shit smells.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

You get the picture. It was a trip I would do again in a heartbeat. He’s one of those guys that you know you can count on, and it doesn’t hurt that he can keep me laughing all the time.

He’s a good friend, just like Brad, but Brad and I didn’t talk about going to the doctor at all for check ups and shit, like Chin and I did. We agreed that it was stupid for guys to not go get checked out, especially when there is something wrong.

Like another good friend of mine did. He knew there was a problem and for whatever reason decided to wait it out and hope for the best. I’m happy to say that he was okay, but it still scared me.

The thing is that I fucking love my friends. I really don’t want them to die.

Capture

So please get yourselves checked when something isn’t right. Like the blood in my urine. I know that I have a few symptoms of prostate cancer, but I kept forgetting to call back for an appointment.

Until yesterday. I went in and booked my ultrasound after all of that preaching I have done to everyone.

Sometimes it takes a bit of harping, but I’d rather be known as a nag with healthy friends and family than an agreeable bastard that’s always putting people in the ground. This is why Movember is so important to me. I would love it if you could donate a little bit to the cause at Chris Bird’s Mo Space, but I understand if you can’t, because times are tough for a lot of folks. The nice thing about this is that even if you are short on funds, you can go here and get some fantastic info to help you properly nag at the fellas in your life.

You never know; it could save their life.

Thank you for being a friend, travelled down the road and back again,

Birdman