Jun 27

Therapy Thursday


Hey Birdman,
So here’s a problem. I’m in my forties (yes you’d never tell by my profile pic) and feel I have not yet found that one person who really understands me and what I’m really about. And by that, I don’t necessarily mean a man.

Yummy Mommy


Dear Yummy,

I am not sure if you are lamenting your lack of partner in general, or contemplating a change in sexual orientation to find that perfect someone.  Either way, you find yourself lacking in the one part of life that we all assume will be sorted out by now.  The funny thing is, there are lots and lots of people in the exact same situation.  Many people marry in their 20’s or 30’s thinking they have it all figured out, only to grow and change in a direction opposite of their spouse.  It soon becomes apparent that we are going to have to make major changes in our lives if we are hoping to get what we want and need. Continue reading

Jun 03

First Post Of The Month – You Know What That Means – Free Stuff!


That’s right, it’s the Guardian Bells monthly giveaway. Go to http://www.guardianbells.com and pick out which bell you would like, then go and comment on here with which one you chose to be eligible to win it. Adam and Krista will then ship you your bell and you’ll be protected. Piece of piss, right? Right!

breastBellIf, like Carole, you enter all the time, but never win a bell, then you might have to go and buy one. I hate to say it, but nobody needs evil road spirits attaching themselves to their vehicle, and if you have to fork out a bit of cash for some peace of mind, then you’ll be doubly protected.*

Anyhow, go do all that stuff and come back here and read about a bit of a family reunion we had this weekend.

Are you back? Good, now I’ll explain a few things.

My uncle has cancer.

Yeah, it really sucks, but so do a lot of things. I’m not here to get a bunch of people saying that they’re sorry and telling me that cancer sucks. I already know that shit.

The reason that I mentioned it was that it brought us together with our cousins that we don’t get to see that often. In fact, one of them hadn’t been seen in over twenty years. Lon and I have gotten together a few times over the years, but really not enough. I didn’t even recognise his son, because he was just a baby the last time I saw him. He’s three now. That’s too long.

Anyhow, we all had a good catching up, and it was a really nice day. I hate that it took a man that I admire more than just about anyone to get sick for us all to get together, but you have to take what you can get I guess. I mean really, isn’t there always something good that comes from a bad situation? Even if it’s just a lesson learned, it’s still something.

The fact of the matter is that people get cancer. They may win the battle, or they may end up on the losing end. It’s just the way it is. The only thing you can really do throughout the process is try to look at the positive side of things. Even when there doesn’t seem to be one. Look harder, it’s there.

Focusing solely on the negative will do nothing but poison your mind and spirit, so what’s the point? It doesn’t make you feel good. It doesn’t help the person that’s fighting this shitty disease. It just gives off bad energy, and no one needs that shit.

So the positive of this was that we got to hang out with some really great folks that we never get to see, and we got to catch up on a lot of old stories that I had forgotten all about. There were adorable kids and some drinking of beer, and a whole lot of me getting labelled as a kid who did whatever he wanted.

I suppose that’s pretty accurate.

Broken hearts and dirty windows, make life difficult to see,


Apr 24

Intense Paranoia


About a week ago I got the flu and it kicked the shit right out of me. I had fevers, cold sweats, aching joints and muscles, and violent coughing fits. It really was dragging me through the mud. I went to the hospital, because my mom told me that I had better get checked out before it turned into pneumonia, and they told me that there was definitely something in my chest, but the airways were open and that I should come back if I get shortness of breath or other complications.

Well, I got the shortness of breath a few days later, and the other complications were a bit more severe than I would have liked, but they weren’t deadly, so that’s good, right? It’s really hard to describe the feeling of despair I had when I was at my worst. It was like I couldn’t control my own thoughts, and every time someone suggested something that either wasn’t true, or wasn’t even possible, my mind started turning it over and trying to figure out ways it could be happening.

For example, I have some Republican friends that are always sharing things to do with conspiracy theories. It’s almost as if it consumes them. I always have a look into them, but come up with my own conclusions, because although I see the possibilities, I just don’t see the probability in them.

Except when I was sick. Then I not only entertained the fact, I sat there with my teeth clenched, waiting for the CIA to take my friends away and shut them up for good. You have no idea how hard it was to not start crying about the inevitable loss of my friends, and the knowing that I did nothing to save them. This feeling was compounded every time I coughed, which was pretty constant throughout the day and night. I don’t know if it had something to do with the feeling of my chest being constricted, or if it was some neurological side effect of my asthma, but either way, it was all I could do to keep from calling them and yelling out, “I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT! YOU NEED TO HIDE, BECAUSE THEY CAN’T LEAVE LOOSE ENDS LIKE YOU LAYING AROUND. WE WILL FIND YOU A SAFE PLACE HERE IN CANADA. DON’T TELL YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS.”


Continue reading

Apr 05

Thank You


As I was moping around in my head tonight, I got called down to the girl’s room for an impromptu concert. It was just what I needed. It took the sting out of getting laid off yesterday, and made me look forward to what’s to come.

Whatever that is.

Oh yeah, I got laid off/fired yesterday. I’m not quite sure why, but the reason I got was that someone had to be cut from the department I was in, and seeing as I was the last guy hired, it was me. Anyhow, I’m not heartbroken or butthurt over it, but it was nice to be working after being off for a year, and even though I had to get up at 5:30 AM, I liked the people I worked with, being three minutes from home, and the four day work week. I actually really liked my co-workers. More so than most jobs I’ve had in the past.

So yesterday I came home at my regular time and broke the news to my sweet baby. She was shocked at first, but all in all she took it amazingly. It was date night, so we were kid free. While I licked my wounds, she went to pick up her, new to her, massage table and came home and healed me up. We went upstairs and had an epic cocooning session, then I buggered off to sleep. I may or may not have taken some of my special anxiety medicine as well. (“may” is a safe bet on that one.)

I got up this morning feeling tired and a bit cranky, so I wrote a story for Aiming Low and played on Facebook and responded to a few emails. One of them was to see if I’d like to review a copy of The Sandlot – 20th Anniversary Edition. Hell yeah, I sure would. Remember that movie? I kind of do. I remember loving it at the time. That’s cool, my day just picked up a little. Continue reading

Feb 04

What A Great Vacation


I really want to tell you about it too, but I can’t right now, because I have to get the pictures to properly illustrate the level of fantastic that was experienced. If I had to measure it in words, I’d say that it was kind of like if Jennifer Aniston is your hairdresser and she always wears thin cotton t-shirts that are old and almost threadbare. That’s just the ice cream of this sundae, because she is constantly brushing her breasts against your cheeks, and she’s never wearing a bra. I’m going to add in that she kisses and bites your ear, while she hugs you when you give her the $15. It was that good.

Anyhow, because I’m waiting for the technical difficulties to work themselves out, I will point you in the direction of my latest post at Aiming Low. It’s called Chin Up, Gun Nut. Maybe Next Year, and it’s so amazing. Well, if you like to hear about hillbillies shooting themselves and others.

What’s your best hillbilly joke?

Amarillo by morning, up from San Antone,