Nov 08

Oh Nothing, Just A Post For Friday

MOBROS

Like our banner this year? Mrs. B made it up for us. She’s peachy keen. She does a lot behind the scenes for our Movember thing, because she knows how important it is to me. We all do, really. Not that it isn’t fun, but it’s still something that takes a toll on me at least.

That’s why it bothers me when I find out that people are using the blog posts to further their own Movember campaigns. Don’t get me wrong, I know the money all ends up in the same place and it’s nice that people share the posts around, but I can see when it gets shared, and by who in a lot of cases. Sadly there are people who share it and ask their Facebook and Twitter friends to read it and then donate to their/their husband’s Mo.

I know it probably seems petty, and I was just going to leave it alone, but it really does bother me. I guess it’s because I work really hard to try and organise this, and those who know me know that I’m not an organised person, so it really is a lot of work for me and the rest of the team. There’s also the monetary investment too. Sure it’s only a few hundred dollars, and I could have just donated it and that would be that, but I feel that if we try to do something fun and fresh, we might get through to a different bunch of people than the usual couple times a week post on Facebook that people just ignore anyway. I hope that we can work it into a yearly thing, something fun that people could look forward to every year. A Mo party with some of our amazing local talent and maybe a bit of food or something. Maybe we could get some local businesses on board and actually make a difference.

I know that I am going to need to start planning before October, do the shavedown photoshoot earlier, muster up the courage to ask local merchants to help out, and have the party on a weekend night that isn’t Halloween.

You live and you learn. Hopefully.

About the sharing of the content thing; I really do appreciate it when it’s shared for the right reasons. More than you will ever know, but please give credit where credit is due. People work hard to create things every day, and most of the time they will give it away for free, but they would like a little acknowledgment for their work. That goes for sharing news stories and tweets too.

It only takes a second to add -Sarah Silverman, or whoever wrote the joke you are using, to your status, tweet, or post. Sure they are never going to see it, but shouldn’t they get the recognition for their creativity? I think they should, plus, it isn’t right to pass something off as your own, even if it only makes your two hundred friends think that you wrote something you didn’t.

I’m a big offender, or at least I used to be. I would Google search for photos and copy them onto this very blog. Then I was thinking about how that was no different than other people’s written content. Sure, it’s mostly memes and stock photos that are free to use, but I’m sure some of it is something that someone worked hard at to capture. You know, that one graphic of a male reproductive system that I needed so badly, or maybe the picture of the dog bite suit. Either way, I’m putting links in to where the image came from now, if it’s at all traceable, and I feel better about myself. Usually.

This dude is serious about moustachery.

This dude is serious about moustachery.

So there you go. My pissypants whine about people stealing my thunder, but hey, I don’t make any money off of this, so thunder is all I got. Now go and donate to¬†http://moteam.co/change-the-topic. There are a few slackers that haven’t broke their doughnut yet, maybe you could help them feel better about themselves. They need to feel loved too. ūüôĀ

Gotta get up, listen to me, clappa your hands, stompa your feet,

Birdman

Nov 07

Therapy Thursday

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Dear Therapy Thursday:

What’s crackalackin’? Haha that’s a funny saying. Okay.

I’m not accustomed to asking for advice, but I’m in a bit of a pickle.

You see, I like to party. A lot. The problem is who I party with. Every time I am taking a haul off of a doobie, or playing vodka pong, one of my buddies is snapping a pic or shooting some video. I’m sure that they would never betray me, but it still puts me on edge.¬†My brother is really worried about it, but I keep telling him I have it under control. I told him that my friends are real steady guys and would never say anything about me drinking and doing a bit of dope to take the edge off. I guess he just worries because I’m the baby and he’s seen me in action before.

My problem is that I have a pretty important job that requires a lot of critical thinking and the people that I rule¬†oversee don’t really like me very much, so I’ve been really hitting it hard for the past year or so. We’ve been able to turn people’s heads by deflecting attention and the occasional white lie, but they are really starting to watch me now.

Okay, I might have smoked something a bit stronger than hash on a video, and it may or may not have been leaked and stolen. It looks like I might lose my job, but I really really don’t want to. It’s super easy and I can do it mostly from my cell phone in the car. (Don’t worry, I’m getting a bluetooth soon.) I just wish people would leave me alone for one more year. I really don’t know why, but my bro says that we need it to fulfil our agenda. Whatever the fuck that is.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. I don’t want to quit my job or apologize for anything, but I also don’t want to get any help, because I really love getting hammered. It’s such a great feeling to be staggering along Danforth, sampling all kinds of different food. You know, those foreigners really can cook a mean souvlaki.

Oh yeah, the advice thing. I’m getting a lot of media attention now, and I’m well known for some of the most unflattering photos on the internet. What I need advice on is how to look a bit better in photographs. I’m what my doctor calls morbidly obese, but my¬†friend “Al” says I’m cuddly. I’m pretty sure that I would trust a friend over a doctor any day, so please tell me how a cuddly guy should pose better for pictures.

Cracky McStuperton

Birdman

Dear Cracky:

I’m going to come out and address the elephant in the room.

You have a substance abuse problem. Really.

It also sounds like you should take a break from whatever it is that you do and maybe go see a doctor, yogi, or whatever other person can get you healthy. You need to get your head clear before making any decisions that could affect other people’s lives. That’s just the decent thing to do.

You want to do the right thing, don’t you?

I’m sure you do, but in your booze addled brain, you just keep digging your hole deeper. Don’t you want to be free?

If you just tell everyone the truth, with heartfelt humility, people will forgive you. They won’t probably want you in their lives, but at least they will be able to view you as more than just a lying piece of dog shit. You can rebuild from there, but only if you’re totally honest.

You will feel like two thousand pounds was lifted from your shoulders.

Anyhow, I’m going to refer you to Mrs. Birdman for the photo thing. It’s kind of what she does.

Trouble ahead, trouble behind, and you know that notion just crossed my mind,

Birdman

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Dear Cracky,

I understand your panicky interest in being photographed in an unflattering manner. ¬†If you are like most men, you have never actually been photographed in a flattering light, so it’s curious that you care all of a sudden. ¬†Regardless, I am going to give you a few tips.

CaptureLets start with clothing.  Avoid white shirts with belted pants if you are paunchy,  that transition never goes well. A smart jacket over everything will make you feel at least a few pounds lighter, even if it does add to your considerable (I suspect) bulk.

Another thing to remember is that you should always try to avoid being photographed from unflattering angles. The only way to play it safe is to fall to the ground every time a camera approaches. ¬†This way you will always be ‘looking up’ into the cameras lens, offering your slimmest angle. ¬†Unfortunately you will also seem to have some sort of problem remaining upright, which may not be as beneficial for your career or work place productivity. ¬†It’s really your call here.

Finally, try to remain as happy and pleasant with people as possible so you are always photographed with a lovely expression. ¬†Considering the amount of narcotics you seem to consume, this shouldn’t be very challenging.

Good luck out there.  It sounds like you will need it.  :S

Mrs. B

SmartyTalks

My friend Baby Doc texted me to bring some friends down to Haiti and he will let us stay with him if we help him with a coup. He must have a bunch of chickens running wild at his place or something. I met him in Quebec I think. I don’t know, people were smoking and talking French, but it did seem like a long plane ride. He was always surrounded by broads and he had the best blow, so I was like “Chickens and coke? I’m already there. Let’s get this party jumping”

Dude, you should totally come with.

Smarty

P.S. I know you’ve heard it before, but we are doing the Movember thing, so if you could stop by and have a look at our band of miscreants, we would love it. ūüôā

Nov 04

The Shavedown – Part 1

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So we had our little party at Kelly’s Homelike Inn in Cobourg Ontario. Kelly’s is my favourite bar, probably because it’s the first place that my Dad ever took me for a beer. It was the bar that he went to to drink with his buddies, and it turned into the bar that I drank at with my buddies. If you get a chance to get in there for a drink you should go, just to say you were there. You would then be in the company of some pretty great people. Look around the walls at some of the legends, sporting and non, and you will get a feel of the rich history of the place. It is probably the oldest liquor serving establishment in town, but I could be wrong about that. Sometimes I talk out of my ass.

Kellys

Anyhow, enough about Kelly’s for this installment, we’re here to talk about real men, in a real man’s bar, shaving like real men do.

(drunken real men with emotional problems)

It was a rainy Halloween night, so there wasn’t a lot of action happening downstairs where the band was setting up.

Savvy and the Hairdo Band were opening for GNR, but Axel got trashed and ended up puking off the patio all night.

Savvy and the Hairdo Band were opening for GNR, but Axel got trashed and ended up puking off the patio all night.

Luckily Savvy is a professional and was able to finish out the night with some inspiration from Slash and this other guy.

Luckily Savvy is a professional and was able to finish out the night with some inspiration from Slash and this other guy.

Continue reading

Oct 29

Halloween Shavedown Spectacular

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If you are wondering where the post is from Gadget and Penny’s Annual Halloween Party, you can rest easy knowing that it will be coming one of these days. I may have gotten a little tipsy, so I may have forgotten to take as much photographic evidence as previous years, but there are a few, and perhaps anyone else that had a camera could send along any that they have to kind of fill in the rather sizeable gaps.

The reason that I don’t have a post done is because of The¬†Halloween Shavedown Spectacular. I, with the help of Mrs. Birdman, Emma at Movember Canada, Kelly’s Homelike Inn, Rob Hood and Shaun Savoy (aka The Savvy), and anyone else that would like to help out, are throwing a Mo Party to get everyone ready for the greatest facial hair growing event of the year.

That’s right. We are all trying to raise awareness ¬†for men’s cancer and the effect it has on everyone. From researching new ways to battle the disease itself, to helping with the mental struggles that a lot of men have when it comes to dealing with and talking about their ass and balls and the cancers that affect them.

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I’m a one man wolf pack .

Continue reading

Sep 11

Don’t Settle!

Birdman

You know who I’m talking to. All of you people out there that are settling for less than you want or deserve in a relationship.

It seems that it’s mostly women in this predicament, but I do know a few guys that it’s happened to over the years (IT’S ME!). It sucks, but not as bad as getting a finger or toenail slowly ripped out every week on an ongoing basis. Well, I guess it also depends on your pain tolerance and how good you are at masturbating, but as a general rule, it’s a bit better than torture.

This makes me wonder why we do it. Why is my smart, funny, beautiful friend hung up on a scrawny, emotionally withdrawn dude that is most likely a 40 year old virgin? Okay, maybe not forty, but he’s well into adulthood. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

It would be one thing if they were both okay with seeing each other for five hours a week, but she is looking for something more in a man than a game of fucking Yahtzee and a back rub on Tuesdays and every other Friday. When they met, he was looking for a relationship, but apparently not one that included sleeping together or allowing visits outside of the scheduled appointments. No stopping by for a quick high five or chest bump, no nothing.

Is this good?

Is this good?

Seems like bulshit, doesn’t it? They are obviously not very compatible together if one wants something on the other end of the spectrum as the other. Right?

Right. Well, except for the fact that she really liked him and was willing to settle for the odd occasion that he would make some time for her. He kept explaining that he didn’t have time for visitors, because he was so busy all day and night, but he could maybe get away for a few hours on Wednesday, but maybe not until Thursday.

I understand long distance relationships are hard, but for the love of all things hairy, he’s only twelve miles away from her or some shit. She was willing to drive there to see him, but that was forbidden.

How sweet.

How sweet.

He’s just not that into her.

Maybe, but I doubt it. I think he just likes to keep his options open and play the field. If he wasn’t into her he would just tell her, wouldn’t he? Come on, guys wouldn’t string girls along so that they have a warm place to land when shit goes south. That’s dishonest and deceitful. It’s like when people say that you should NEVER tell your boss that you are looking for another job, because you might not get the job, and your boss will still be looking for your replacement by noon.

Fuck it. I always tell them.¬†They always fire me, but I still tell them. It just seems right. I hate leaving people in the lurch. If I don’t like my job enough to not go looking for another one, then they are doing me a favour by cutting me loose. Sure it stings a bit, but when something isn’t working, why bother? There’s something else out there for you, and it’s probably going to be better than what you just left.

The same goes for when someone doesn’t like you as much as you like them. Cut them loose. Don’t try to change them, and for fuck’s sake, don’t try to change yourself. You’re you for a reason, and it’s a bad idea to mess with your perfect design. If you want to spend sixteen hours a day with your partner, then find a partner that wants to spend it with you. Pining away for someone surely won’t get you anywhere but crazy, so get while the getting’s good and skedaddle your sexy ass on out of there.

You see, girls. I’m a guy and I know how guys talk. Do you want to be the crazy bitch that comes up in every conversation? The one that he warns all of his buddies about? The one that he put a restraining order on?

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No? Then smarten the fuck up. Don’t pester him and give him any more power over you than he already has. Don’t tell him you’ll accept less than you deserve, and whatever you do, don’t ever beg him for a fucking thing. You’re perfect, and there is a guy out there that wants to cuddle up with all of that perfection at every possible chance. You won’t ever have to wonder if he’s fucking around, because he is trying to figure out how to grab an hours sleep during the day, just so he’ll have an extra hour to spend with you at night.

That’s just how shit is. If you can’t wait to see him, and he misses you so bad that he drives the half hour to your place just to kiss you and smell your hair, then you have a very good thing and it should be nurtured.

If you are driving by his house and he won’t let you stop by because it’s “his” day to do what he wants, then you have yourself a dude that is either gay or lacks a soul. His day should start with staring into your eyes and end with kissing your lips as passionately as possible, without putting your teeth through your lips.

I know that you aren’t going to listen to me anyhow, but this is my “I told you so.”

If you aren’t getting what you need from a relationship, then run. Run to the next one. You are worth so much more than settling for less than you deserve. I don’t care who you are, you’re better than that.

So what you wanna do, sheeeit I got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do too,

Birdman