Feb 20

Slip Slidin’ Away

birdmandesk

So after a couple of peaceful days, I was starting to get calmed down. We let the dogs out before bed and then drifted off into a peaceful dreamland.

Until 11:40. That’s when Blue started pacing. I woke up instantly and ran him outside before he started pissing in the bedroom. After letting him back in, we got back into bed and drifted off again.

Until 12:45. That’s when the retching started. Luckily I caught it before there was enough saliva to soak through the sheet into the mattress. I ran him outside and waited for a few minutes, in nothing but my underwear, until he was whining to get back in. I figured that I would put him on the couch, as we just got new bedding that day, and didn’t want it soaked with puke.

As I was walking back to the bedroom I heard the retching again and bolted for the living room to see him with his back arched and mouth wide open. I called for him to come, but he was indisposed, so I picked him up and started running for the hall with him convulsing against my chest.

I thought I was home free until my feet shot out from underneath me and I went backwards, bouncing my head off of the maple dresser that the TV sits on as the dog flew forward down the hall. When I came to, he had just finished upchucking what was left in the middle of the floor. I got up and slipped again falling in front of the door with Dover barking behind it. I think he smelled all of the food on the other side, but was upset that he couldn’t eat it. I let Blue outside and started cleaning the walls and floor with a bath towel that was in the dirty clothes. I went outside and shook the moist kibble out off the deck and went back to get the cleaner and some paper towels to get the rest of the grossness off of everything. After twenty minutes of scrubbing with a splitting headache and what I thought was a broken foot, I let Blue back in and went to the shower to get the mashed nuggets and drying grasses out of my hair and skin.

I crawled into bed at 1:15 to a sleeping wife, who woke up and asked why I showered again. I started to explain, but she was quickly out like a light.

Fast forward to about 7:45 when I heard a shriek. “DOVER PEED ON MY IPAD.”

It figures. Par for the course. Needless to say, I was at the lady’s house where I got Dover’s kennel and bought the bigger one for Blue. They will be learning to enjoy sleeping next to each other in the living room from now on.

Birdman

Feb 14

Switching To Green???

Anyone who isn’t interested in reading a very long post about Ingress and some sociopathic behaviour should back out now. I’m serious, it’s almost 3000 words of nerdiness.

Birdman

I don’t think it’s a secret that I like(d) playing an augmented reality game called Ingress.

It started when I was pretty deep in depression, and we weren’t working much, so I had lots of time. I kept seeing things about it on G+ and finally looked it up and downloaded it. Then I saw this image.

choice1-620x350

Anyone who knows me will know which way I chose.

At first it was a bit freaky because I wasn’t sure how the whole going outside to play a video game would work, but after a couple of training exercises and a comment in comms that I was going to try playing the game, I went out to hack my first portal. While I was getting attacked by the portal and driving away as fast as I could, I got a response from Agent SANT0RI, who wondered if I was available for some basic training. After a few minutes of me looking for a car charger, a pickup pulled in beside me with a guy staring at me. I asked him if he was SANT0RI. He was.

He told me to lock up my shitty little1)I added that in vehicle, because we were going for a ride and I was issued some badges and a flashing LED Resistance pin. There was training, but it was far from basic. While we were driving through town, hacking and smashing every portal that could be reached from a vehicle, he asked me what I did for work. I told him that I drove a dump truck, and he asked me if I ever dumped at a certain landfill. I told him that I did, but mostly in the winter when we hauled cuttings from the rigs. He then told me that he used to work there and that he had submitted a portal so he could hack right from the lunch room.

Cool, right? Who wouldn’t want to play the game while you worked? I didn’t really think much of it, and filed it under shit that doesn’t seem that necessary to my learning how to play Ingress. We drove all over town, up on boulevards, down the “emergency vehicles only” walkway at the hospital, and left a stream of blue in our wake. I asked who this NorthernGuard was that was smashing some of the portals that I had just taken, and SANT0RI told me that he was a traitor and a cheater that had left the blue side and went to the enlightened. He then proceeded to badmouth all of the local green team, with the exception of Ghosthands, who he said was pretty cool.

He dropped me back off, and I went out hacking on my own for a while, before going home to bed. I then met NorthernGuard while I was walking around the museum grounds glyphing and smashing what I could. He seemed pretty cool, but I knew better than to trust him. You know, because he’s a sneaky snake and all that.

The next day I got a message from him asking if I was available to come over for a BBQ and meet the team. I said I was, and went over for a burger and to get acquainted with my new brothers in arms. Everyone seemed pretty cool, even though a little ramped up on the blue Kool-Aid, so after eating and shooting the shit for a bit, we went for a tour in this.

Santori008

He turned on the truck’s wifi and talked about going to Portland for an anomaly(Ingress event) while five of us hacked and smashed and basically reblued the town. I guess there was six, because one guy was hacking with two phones, but what do I care if someone wants to play their kid’s account for them? I’m not the morality police, as most of you already know. I was also regaled with how big of a bunch of losers the greens were, and when I mentioned meeting NG, and telling them that he seemed like a pretty good guy, I was told that he is always nice to your face, but as soon as you turn your back he would be right there with the knife.

SANT0RI then told me that it was okay if I talked to the green team, but he didn’t want me hanging out and being best friends with them or anything.

HUH?

HUH?

A grown man actually said that to another grown man. Like that’s going to make me not hang out with someone.

The next night I hit up Charlie Lake and turned everything blue, while I was having dinner, I got an invite in comms from NG and a couple of the other greens to go for a beer, and you know how I feel about going for a beer.

You will probably find this hard to believe, but they were pretty cool. They were just happy to have a blue player in town that didn’t treat them like a handful of used condoms. We arranged for a cross faction mission night, where we were all going to hike the community forest and get the badge.

I couldn’t wait. I was excited for my first mission badge.

There was a G+ community made, and other Resistance players were invited, but I was the only one who showed. We hit the trails and did our mission, but before we were halfway done I was getting messages from SANT0RI and his wife about how it might be considered as cheating, because we were knowingly trading wins.

We weren’t. It was an advertised, organized cross faction event, meant to get the teams together and show that everyone was human and deserving of respect.

I also got this in the message.

With a note saying that this was what he thinks of cross faction.

With a note saying that this was what he thinks of cross faction.

It all went downhill from there. I was branded a traitor to any who would listen, and called some pretty ridiculous names in the comms and faction hangouts. Probably my favourite was, and still is, peewee hearman2)yes, he spelled it like that too. Seriously. He called me that a lot. I then packed up my gear and went back to Ontario to get the family loaded up and headed west. NeoXNemesis (the X is silent), and I did a good deal of hacking and fielding the whole way out, so that she could arrive at her new home as a level 8 and be able to contribute to making our new town a glorious shade of blue with the help of the 3-6 other players here.

Sometime around mid July, we were entertaining friends from the east, and I had to go out and do some Ingress related errands. She was supposed to come as well, as she had the ADAs and we needed her 8s on the portals to have a truly great farm. She decided that it wasn’t right to leave our guests and said that she would drop the ADAs and then come over after and put the 8s on, but I said I would just take her phone and drop them from it.

Totally cheating, but I didn’t really think of it as a problem. I figured that she was going to do it anyhow, so I would save her the trouble. Stupid of me, yes, but there it is. One of my teammates apparently took a photo of it and posted it on a hangout that I wasn’t a part of. I had left the hangout as soon as the harassment started against me. I’m not sure who took the photo, and frankly I don’t care. The fact is that I shouldn’t have cheated, and I wouldn’t have had anything to worry about.

This brings me to the day that I was taking a load of contaminated soil to the landfill, and as I am hitting the Beatton Airstrip portal my scanner picks up a portal I had never seen before.

Screenshot_2015-08-15-16-14-23

That’s strange, but I was working so I didn’t bother to check the intel map. I just threw my phone on the passenger seat and started up the 73 Rd. Imagine my surprise when I was waiting in line and I hear my scanner go off about my XM being at 55%. I had forgot to shut Ingress off when I left the rest stop. When I looked at the screen, there was a grey portal right in the disposal site. The strange thing is that this portal physically wasn’t there when I went over to the TRD side an started poking around. I knew it wasn’t, because there isn’t a blade of grass or tree within a hundred metres of the office. It’s a restricted access site that handles contaminated waste and oilfield fluids. The average pedestrian isn’t allowed inside, and there have been some pretty serious incidences over the years. Sounds like a great spot for a portal.

Here is a photo from outside of the gate.

Photo, minus the text and arrow, are from http://www.alaskahighwaynews.ca/regional-news/local-news/touring-the-dump-1.1142125

Photo, minus the text and arrow, are from http://www.alaskahighwaynews.ca/regional-news/local-news/touring-the-dump-1.1142125

Now I don’t know about you, but to me, this is cheating. I don’t know if he just took a picture of the actual statue to the site and then took a photo of it, or how that worked, but I know, and he knows that it sure wasn’t taken there. Even if there was an actual statue at the site, you still can’t put a portal where it could endanger people.

Now earlier in the summer there was a petition going around to get SANT0RI banned from Ingress for spoofing, bullying, and multi-accounting. It was signed by mostly green, but there were probably half a dozen resistance players on it. I responded that although I was confident that he was doing all of those things, I hadn’t personally seen proof of it, therefore I couldn’t sign the petition.

I wish that the petition had come out a month later, because I witnessed the True Blue SANT0RI full on after that. I didn’t really pay attention to it until a few days after I noticed his portal had gone live. I was on faction comms when he was welcoming a new blue player and told them that NG was a known cheater and had a blue account to spy on our comms. I don’t believe that is true, but it might have been. Either way, I was already fuming about his fake portal, so I called him out in the faction comms and told him to quit accusing others of cheating, and I mentioned to him about glass houses and stones.

He wouldn’t quit, so I wrote a big letter to Niantic, documenting the proof of his cheating, and of the dangerous portal. I also included proof of his cruel and illiterate barrages of insults to myself and a few of the Enlightened team, and offered to testify to his dangerous driving habits that I and others had witnessed firsthand, because really, you want to be thorough.

A few days later, I got a reply from Niantic stating that they took the portal down and thanked me for reporting it. It was from a “do not reply” address, and that was that.

I had heard quite a bit about how Niantic does absolutely nothing about reports of cheating, but I figured that it would be different now, because I had proof. That was silly of me, and now I’m quite skeptical of their ethics as a company. I have already told them that I won’t be purchasing any more Chaotic Matter, until there starts to be some changes, either to their Terms Of Service, or to their enforcement of the current TOS. If you aren’t going to punish people who breach the TOS, then make them a lot more lax, so that there is a level playing field for everybody. If nothing is cheating, then everyone can spoof and multi-account, therefore making the game even.

This post is as much about how poorly they enforce things as it is about the people they should be enforcing. I should have been banned from playing, just for openly accusing SANT0RI of cheating and calling him and his friend illiterate in comms. That’s just going on the assumption that nobody has reported me for cheating, with my confession. I figure that if they accept the homophobic slurs like, “the sales of vasoline goes up this time of year, they are considerate of each other.” when referring to my friendship with the enlightened players, my paltry, and true, accusations probably don’t even register.

I say that now, but they probably will boot me from the game now that I have openly admitted everything, and leave him alone for the abuse that I have instilled upon him. If that happens, I guess I will focus my gaming attention on Resources. It’s pretty cool, and it has a lot less drama. If we both got booted, I would be satisfied with their choice, as long as the list of alts got banned as well. You probably think that I’m talking about a couple of accounts, but I’m not. It’s enough that last weekend I was broken down across the road from a remote portal when a level 5 blue portal went to a level 8, then was Jarvised to a level 8 green portal. One pickup truck did all of that in less than 30 minutes. The seven tiny people then went to our town and Jarvised almost all of the blue portals, smashed them, levelled a few to 8 and put frackers on them, then Jarvised them again and left the town grey.

On a good day, SANT0RI couldn’t get seven other Resistance together in his city, let alone a portal that’s half an hour from town, and then he just happens to be hanging out with JimmSlimm and the rowdy crew that shows up every once in a while, at any given location, and destroys a solitary portal.

One day Chikens, a green alt, drove to the 73 Rd, right past several other portals and smashed a portal that had a bothersome link. I assumed it was just some spoofer, so I got on open comms and called out the green spoofer. The only reply I got was from SANT0RI about how I now had the enlightened paranoia. I don’t know why he would have even responded with anything but how the frogs are just a bunch of cheaters. I didn’t even have a clue it was his alt until I saw the name on the petition.

Hahaha

Hahaha

I digress. I will make a category on here with all of the posts about SANT0RI that I am sure to have. I do not respond to him in comms anymore, so I will be defending myself here. I will respond to everything he says to/about me or anyone else that I see fit, and I will share this post in comms every time that he tells a new or used player about how I’m a turncoat or any other bullshit that he decides to spew. Through the advice of a very smart person, I won’t engage firsthand with somebody that is obviously unstable and puts so much importance on a game.

I want to. I want to get mean and cruel; to personally attack in retaliation, but what good would that do. It would only make someone who is bitter about something, be even more bitter and volatile. I have thought about trying to mend fences, but I can’t do that with somebody that only knows how to spit venom. I probably shouldn’t have engaged when I did, but one of my faults is telling it like I see it, so here we are. It’s not like it’s only me that he has a hate on for, but it seems that I’m the target now, so I guess I will try to deal with it in a manner that I think will make it easier for myself and others to chat in open comms without having to endure abuse from another player.

I tried calling him out in comms, but that violates the TOS and makes other players uncomfortable. I have ranted about him in crossfaction hangouts, but that’s not really fair when he isn’t there to defend himself, so I will do it here, where I have the freedom to say what I want, and he can leave a comment if he wants to rebut. I will also be posting every time I see an accusation or slanderous comment to anyone in comms.

I was going to quit this game two weeks ago, because all of the enjoyment had been sucked out of it for me, then I was sad about not playing anymore, so I contemplated switching to the slimy frog pond. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, even though I like that team better than my own. In the end, I figured that I would try to make the game fun again, and try to keep as positive as I can while trying to bust ne’er do wells for ruining people’s fun.

I told you it was long and Ingressy.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. I added that in
2. yes, he spelled it like that too
Jan 05

Merry Solstice

I put this up at a new blog I started, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to throw it on here as well. You know, in case anyone was wondering what we were up to.

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

This year we had had it with the whole Christmas thing. I have not celebrated it in many years, but this is the first time that Gerri had joined me in my hatred of this most wretched of holidays. We did the bare minimum for the youngest, who hasn’t been poisoned by having to take out a loan for a damned X Box and all of the niceties that go along with this bullshit season.

We went to the bush and cut down a Charlie Brown tree, the girls masking taped up one string of lights outside, and they decorated the tree.

End of story.

When their dad came to pick them up for some holiday time, Gerri and I took off for the Liard River Hot Springs in Northern BC. It was a nipple hardening -26°C. I called the lodge, but they were closed for the winter, so we decided to throw the mattress in the van and camp out with the dogs in the hot springs parking lot. We really aren’t fancy.

It was about 10 or 11 hours to drive there, so we probably should have left earlier than 10 AM. As it was, we ate some A&W in Fort Nelson and then had the bagels we had packed for a supper under the northern lights. It was Gerri’s first time seeing them, and while they weren’t the greatest, there were a few moments where they were fairly active.

We walked down to the springs in the dark, but decided not to chance it. It was so cold that the flashlight quit working, and we weren’t dressed for a frozen two and a half minute run down the icy boardwalk in the pitch black.

How do I know that it’s a two and half minute run? This guy right here.

I’m not sure if that’s a thing he does all of the time, or if it was a one off, but either way, I think that a GoPro would be the way to film that sort of thing. I have never used one, but I remember when my buddy Jay Sharp put one on his dog, Dewey. It was a lot less shaky, and while it may have got a bit more piss spray on it, I think it is all in all a better choice for filming a run.

I digress.

The reason that I’m writing this is to talk about letting go of the whole Christmas lie. Gerri and I have never bought each other gifts for any holiday. It’s pointless, and life is expensive enough without having to worry about whether or not you got big enough gifts for the people you love. I think that your love should be enough of a gift. Well, unless you’re a complete asshole, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you are probably a pretty decent person.

I do miss the whole family aspect, but I figure that I can go home in the spring or summer and make some family time when flights aren’t an extra thousand dollars each. I will get more one on one time with everyone too, because you aren’t trying to mash a years worth of visits with ten people into a four hour pig out.

That’s why this year we chose to go on an adventure to celebrate the winter solstice. The summer here is fantastic, with eighteen hour days, and kids out playing in the streets until ten o’clock in the evening.

Winter? Not so much. It gets light around 9:30 AM and is dark by 4:30 PM, so when the longest night of the year was around the corner, we decided to go and celebrate the downhill slide into spring and summer.

That brings us here

20151220_102613 (541x640)

This was the next morning when we decided to try again with proper clothing and precautions in place. We are responsible, carefree adults you know.

After we laid out a tarp to put our clothes on, we got ready to change into our swimwear. There was no sign of another human around, so we decided that it would be better to not get our bathing suits smelling like sulphur if we didn’t have to.

It was like we were free.

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While we were creeping around the shallow pool, we were overcome with just how good life can be when you just do what you want to do, instead of following what the societal norms are. We were both brought up to embrace the festive spirit and give freely of our time and resources to keep up the facade of the perfect time of year.

Well it’s not the perfect time of year. The days are short and cold, nothing grows, and people get depressed. I suppose that’s why people make a big deal of Christmas, but they don’t have to. It’s much simpler to take off and do something you want to do. Something that you haven’t done before, or that you love doing so much that you would do it every winter. For us, I think it will be an annual pilgrimage to the Liard River, but it could really be any magical getaway. For you it might be to gather around a lit up tree and feel the warmth of your family all together in one place. Maybe it’s a cheap, last minute all-inclusive to Cuba or the Dominican, but whatever it is, you should do it because you want to do it, not because anyone else tells you that you should.

20151220_102653 (640x360)

If you do what others think you should do, there is little chance that you will feel the excitement of hearing footfalls crunching on a frost crusted boardwalk as you stare at your clothes thirty long feet away from where your pale, completely naked ass is locked in a warm embrace with your beautiful wife and best friend.1)They are the same person

You will also miss the oddly comfortable conversation with the friendly park caretaker as your white ass floats out behind you at the steps in front of the pile of clothes that you couldn’t quite make it too before said caretaker rounded the corner by the change rooms. Also, it turns out that we weren’t the first to do this daring feat of almost hippie-like naturism.

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As you can see, we weren’t bothered in the least at not having to shell out the probably seven or eight thousand dollars that it was going to cost for us to get back to Ontario and spend the holidays with our harried family.

For one thing, we didn’t have the cash to do it, and for another, we didn’t feel that we would get enough quality time with our loved ones as they rushed around getting everything ready for their version of Christmas. We bribed the girls with money and trinkets to not go home, and spent a few hundred bucks on gas and food to share a truly remarkable experience with each other, and the dogs, in a wondrous part of our picturesque province.

The ride home was pretty amazing as well. We stopped for lunch at the Toad River Lodge. That was worth the trip right there. I had stopped there in the fall of 2000 for supper on my first and only trip to Canada’s Arctic. We decided to stop for more than fuel on the way home after a sort of frosty welcome at the Northern Rockies Lodge in Muncho Lake. The fact that the gas was 40¢/litre cheaper in Toad River also helped make the decision.

At Toad River we met Darrel, the owner, after he was done helping some motorists with their vehicle problems. The people there were very friendly and the burgers were big and tasty. We dreamed of what it would be like to own and operate a roadside stop for weary and hungry travellers in the north, and what we might have to do to end up there. If you are ever travelling the Alaska Highway, I strongly recommend fueling your vehicle and yourself there.

We stopped at mile 135 to watch the northern lights, because they were absolutely fantastic and I was starting to get distracted by them. The temperature had warmed up to -10ºC so we decided to shut the van off and we watched the light show until the windows were frosted up and then we fell asleep.

The next morning we drove the rest of the way back and enjoyed the few extra minutes of daylight that we knew we were getting. It really is the simple things that we need to learn to love again. Being around mountains and the other wonders that nature presents to us should really be all that we need to embrace to find the balance that so many of us are missing.

I’m learning to find mine, and I hope that you can too.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. They are the same person
Jun 14

When Is It Okay?

Birdman

Last night I finished my long day of Ingress and met some of the players for a bite to eat and a drink. While I was there, I heard a guy allude to wanting a certain sex act with our server.

Loud, and to the server. It made me feel a bit shocked and embarrassed.

That’s not cool, right? I mean flirting is one thing, but to loudly exclaim about what you would like them to do with their genitals is completely inappropriate.

Hint: These were mentioned.

Hint: These were mentioned.

I’m right, aren’t I? I like to always be right. It gives me a holier than thou feeling.

Now, does it make a difference if it’s two gay men?

I am legitimately asking a question, because I have seen it on several occasions, and I wonder if it’s a different protocol when it’s guy on guy.

Do you remember the time I shamelessly plugged an old post about flirting that reminded me of this?1)That’s right now.

There was another time that I was driving taxi, and a man with two drunk, middle aged women got in the cab. He started talking about getting me out of my shirt, and then reached up over the seat and started rubbing my chest. I grabbed his hand, twisting his wrist back and maybe making him squeal a bit. Partly because he startled me, but mostly because he was wildly inappropriate and invading my space.

Him and his cackling hens started calling me a hillbilly gay basher, and a piece of shit homophobe, and when I tried to explain that it would be no different than if they were driving and some dude that they don’t find attractive did that to them, there would be charges laid, but the one chick said that there was no way she would ever stoop so low as to be a cab driver. Anyhow, they wouldn’t shut up or listen, so I kicked their drunk asses out on the curb.

Luckily for them, it was pretty close to a bar, so it was kind of a bonus. Free cab ride, and they got their excitement for the night. I should have had my wits about me and drove them to Precious Corners or something.  At least then I would have got a little satisfaction from the deal.

I’m not painting gay men with the same brush2)unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me, because the overbearing, lecherous ones are a very small percentage. I just find it odd that people don’t seem to be as offended when a man openly does something to another man that may or may not be welcome. For all I know, it’s a globally accepted practice, and I’m crazy to think that the same courtesies should be offered to everyone, no matter who they are.3)Excluding the Welsh, of course

So what are your thoughts on it? If you are gay, would this offend you, or would it be a thing where it depends on the circumstances? If you are straight, please go out and do some field research for me. Remember to take precautions for your safety.4)mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. That’s right now.
2. unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me
3. Excluding the Welsh, of course
4. mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube
May 19

I Love Hay Day, And I Don’t Care Who Knows It

Can't you almost feel the soil between your fingers?

Can’t you almost feel the soil between your fingers?

Yeah, that’s right. I love a farming game, and I’m not ashamed of it. It brightens up my days.

It also gives me hope for my career as a farmer.

I can’t wait for the day that I can grow crops, raise livestock, and mine my own land. It will allow me to create artisan goods that I can then sell at my roadside stand and command premium prices. Serious prices. Check it out.

Muffins are fucking easy to make.

Muffins are fucking easy to make, and that isn’t even a really nice coal and iron bracelet. I’ll be rich!

You just find the duct tape, paint, and other shit in trunks and tool boxes, or somebody gives it to you for selling them a bunch of your overpriced junk. You then sell it for fifty times what it’s worth. It’s fucking insane in the membrane.

People always ask me why I would want to be a farmer. I usually just stare back at them in disbelief and show them my garden.

See that in the top right corner? Diamonds and gold, bitches.

See that in the top right corner? Diamonds and gold, bitches. Farm on.

In case you need it translated, I’ll give you a little glimpse at what we’re talking about here.

Yeah, I really can sell a three pack of olives for $82. Half a cacao pod for  $86? All fucking day, bud.

Yeah, I really can sell a three pack of olives for $82. Half a cacao pod for $86? All fucking day, buddy.

I’m probably going to need a greenhouse for some of this stuff, only because I think that some of it might need longer than the 45 day growing season that we have, but I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to afford one after I sell a bunch of strawberries at $50 a piece. Booyah, motherfuckers. Getting paid like Tyson. I’m going to be making it rain at the Pro Hardware when I’m picking up the stakes for my over abundant tomato plants.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not just in it for the money; that’s just a bonus. I’m also in it for the satisfaction of seeing an odd array of people happy after shopping in my town. They are just strolling about and buying locally sourced products in a quaint setting; it just warms my heart.

If you really go out of your way to help them, they will reward you with things that are sometimes priceless. Like a bolt.

Woo hoo! Now I can finish upgrading my barn. Thanks, pretty lady.

Woo hoo! Now I can finish upgrading my barn. Thanks, pretty lady.

Another great thing about farming is how willing the local kids are to help you succeed. Take Tom for instance.

What I want are some marker stakes, Tom.  Can you get me some? Of course you can't, you simple freak.

What I want are some marker stakes, Tom. Can you get me some? Of course you can’t, you simple freak.

He will run and find you all kinds of things. Not the things you want the most, but for nine diamonds a day, he sure makes your life easier.

wpid-2015-05-18-23.45.38.png.png

Doesn’t he look like he should be playing Dueling Banjos?

I know that $1087 looks like a lot of money for nine lollipops, but I can turn them around easily for over three grand. It’s all organic sugar and colouring.

Anyhow, as fun as Hay Day is for me, the best part is that my sister is in my neighbourhood too. So is Alice, but she never talks to us in chat, so we think that she’s an asshole.1)I’m just guessing that we both do. We love to help each other out, and it’s really nice to be able to shoot the shit with her when we end up on at the same time.

When I got home at Easter, our other sister and Mrs. Birdman, in a fit of jealousy, started calling us farm nerds, because we were doing some insider trading at the table. They called themselves Rebel Nerds, obviously because they were upset at not being invited to our neighbourhood, and then they teased us relentlessly.

It was like water off a duck’s back with us, as we are emotionally secure in our Hay Day bliss, but I did secretly want to hear them beg to be let in.

On Easter morning, after hearing about how the rebel nerds were all chummy and shit, I sent an Easter card to celebrate the death walk of old Jebus.

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That sealed it for us being the coolest nerd team in the family, and it also made us remember to feed our cows.

Birdman

P.S. If you’re active on Hay Day and like the derby, come and look us up. Here’s where to find us.

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Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. I’m just guessing that we both do.