Jun 05

Not My Night

birdman2

This is the most somber Birdman pic I could find.

I’m having a really shitty go of it this time, but of all shitty days and nights, tonight takes the cake for shittiness. I suppose that I have been extra depressed lately, what with the impending move across the country with my family in a bus, so that multiplies the shit exponentially, but holy fuck, really?

My night started as my work day ended, at about 5:00. I went home and finished watching the video that Mrs. B shared on G+. It was about the cool new ways that students are taught in the school district that the girls will be in next year. I tried to watch it while I was getting loaded at the pit, but it was hard with the rumble of diesels and always having to move ahead, so I went home and crashed into the bed under the ceiling fan to cool down and check out the video.

Then the crying started. Not the same crying as the night before, but still a grown man lying in bed with tears streaming down his face.1)luckily the box of crackers was still on the nightstand.

This was me crying about how much further I might have made it in school if we had as many forward thinkers back then, as they do in this area now, and also because I was so happy that people were finally figuring shit out. It’s been a lot of years with the same mentality towards teaching, and nothing was ever getting better. At least not from my perspective.

Now I think there’s hope. Not for the rest of my night, but for our future as a country.

As I finished blubbering, Johnny called to say that he had made these pizza egg rolls and if I wanted to try them, I had better get down there. I then called my sweetest love in the world, and interrupted the birthday party she was attending. She said that she would call me back, so I headed to Chubbie’s to try out these new tidbits.2)They were fucking delicious.

I then went to work to get my phone charger, and figured I’d see if my little truck would miraculously run now. Nope. Thanks for proving that miracles don’t exist, Jesus.

After that, I was going home to grab a shower and hit the sack early, when Johnny called and asked me to get something out of the freezer to thaw for him, I went home, and then in the spirit of helping a friend, I decided to go drop it off to him to save him the trip.

I should have just stayed home.

When I pulled up at the back of the restaurant, I left my car running and my phone on the charger. I ran into the shop and delivered the goods while stealing a pop. I walked back to the door and stopped to shoot the shit for a few minutes. When I went back to the car, I noticed that the door was locked and my phone was gone. Someone had leaned in the open window and snagged it. They also dropped a crumpled up paper towel on the driver’s seat.

I immediately assumed it was our friend David, because that would be a prank that he would do, but it wasn’t. I got John’s phone, called it uselessly and logged in to my Google account, so I could track it. It was one street over, so I took off down the alley, ready to punch the first person I saw with it, but there was nobody there. I met John as I was walking back, and then his phone rang. Someone had brought the phone into the pizza shop.

Yayyy.

I went back and the guy was still there, and pretty hammered. He told us that he saw a drunk native guy grab it out of my car and he followed him until the guy threw it away by the TD bank. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though I am pretty sure he was the one that stole it, so I bought him a pizza.

It is sad that people find it so easy to blame the drunk native people, even though this guy was a drunk whitey that didn’t have enough money for a pop. He was talking about how he had just came from his buddy’s place after helping him change the springs in his drag car, which brought me back to the paper towel. When I looked at it, I immediately thought that it was mine from when I was working on the truck earlier. Most guys will recognize a dry paper towel that was used to wipe rust and dirt off of a pair of hands.

The problem was that I had used wet wipes, not paper towel.

Oh well, I got my phone back, and someone hungry got to eat. I left for that shower and my bed, and then this happened.

What fun!

What fun!

Yep. While I was frantically racing around looking for my phone, my tire was getting flatter. I went around the corner and it poked a bunch of holes in the inside sidewall. Yahoo.

The good news is that I will be getting new tires, and not a new phone. The bad news is that I have to get new tires, then new studded tires this winter. I was hoping these would last, but with an eternal slow leak on the driver’s side, and now this, I think it’s better to be safe than sorry. Tires are pretty important.

Oh, and when I got home, the post I had been writing offline got hidden in the computer during important updates. I’ll have to spend a bit of time looking for that I guess. Or try to rewrite.

Ah well, hopefully your day went smoother than mine.

18 MORE DAYS, BABY!

Birdman

P.S. The internet is working again.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. luckily the box of crackers was still on the nightstand.
2. They were fucking delicious.
Apr 24

I’ll Email You

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

No, not the Two Girls, One Cup video. That was done to me once and I’m still afraid to yawn in public.

My blogmeister friend, Jack has recently started using a plug in called Postmatic to change the way interactions work on his blog. Check him out over at The Jack B and see what you think of his set up. While you’re there, read some of his posts, he has a lot to choose from and he knows what he’s doing.

It’s no secret that I enjoy interacting with most of you, and that I would lov e to get more than an occasional thumbs up or +1 after you have read a post. This new system would send the post to your email if you subscribe to the blog, and then allow you to reply to the email instead of having to click the link and go to the blog to leave a comment.

Do you think that it would be something you would find hip and cool? As cool as Crazy Horses by The Osmonds?

Yeah, I didn’t think so. Nothing is that cool

I try to ignore the fact that they are probably the reason that boy bands became a thing. Well, them and The fucking Monkees.

So last night I went over to Beatbox’s place and he set up my Android TV for me. It is the most beautiful and complex piece of machinery I have ever used and it brings out the nerd in me faster than seeing Han Solo in the new Star Wars trailer. I look forward to a long life of constant upgrades with this baby, and if wasn’t so late, I would have stuck around and rubbed beard oil into his luscious batch of chin whiskers for all the help he gave me.

You can find this shit HERE

You can find this shit HERE

They have some pretty cool stuff for dudes there, and a few fancy things for the ladies. It’s all handmade goodness, too.

Yes, I’m still anti-Walmart and pro small business. Call it a sickness, if you want, but I don’t think that I will ever change my ways. I just can’t see how a global economy helps us as a country. If you can explain it to me, I will try to listen.

Anyhow, my feet are getting cold. I think I’ll go and warm them up on Mrs. Birdman’s legs. She’s like a furnace.

Birdman

May 05

I’m Going Back To The Land

mindofbirdman

But not in a good way.

Yet.

I’m heading back out west in the morning, and I’m not looking forward to it. I know that I never am, but this time it seems harder. Like having to cut off your own leg kind of harder.

I guess everything is harder when I think about it. Life just seems to get tougher as you get older. Better, but tougher nonetheless. Take the internet for example. It’s here to make our lives better, and in some ways it does. I couldn’t imagine not being able to look up anything that I wondered about at the drop of a hat. The knowledge that I gain from having that privilege is immense.

Then there is the part of the internet that isn’t quite as helpful, but helps to pass the time. You know, for when you are bored, sitting on the toilet, or maybe don’t feel like going out on a Friday night.

Social Media.

Sure it lets you keep up to date with who and what your friends are doing, what coffee and supper looks like, and how cute cats are, but it doesn’t take much to get addicted to it. I know. It happened to me.

As most of you probably know, I quit Facebook recently. Strangely enough, I don’t miss it. I miss a lot of the people, but some of the important ones have joined G+, and the ones who didn’t probably don’t need to get a hold of me anyhow.

No_twitter

I watched this yesterday. Two days after telling Mrs. Birdman that Twitter was getting the axe next. They have been ticking me off lately, what with them sending me notifications about who all of my followers are following. Like I care that they’ve all decided to follow Visa back, or whatever the case may be. Oh, and I have just figured out that there is no value in it for me. Anyhow, this really hit home.

It got me thinking about a lot of things, and one was that I need to stop wasting time online. There’s life out there, and procrastinating with my face tanned from the glow of my phone screen isn’t helping anything. I like information, and I need to start using the internet for what it was made for, which I’m certain isn’t trading cat photos and masturbation.

I need to start using the few years that I have left to do things.

Big things.

Important things.

Things like growing food, creating, and enjoying my time with friends and loved ones, which I suppose are one in the same. I love my family, and shouldn’t be spending my time socking away as many hours as I can work, so that I can come home and be depressed about either having no money, or having to leave the love of my life to go back to work in an industry that I only partially agree with.

For twenty some odd years, I have been thinking, wishing, and dreaming about buying a piece of property for cash and building an earthship home on it. Granted, that would take a lot more money than we have, so I guess we’ll have to just keep on working and dreaming. Dreaming of the day where I can get up in the morning, collect the eggs, move the chicken house over to some fresh grass, and empty the compost toilet.

A lot of people don’t understand the appeal of it, but I know that there are a lot that do, so I know I’m not alone. As I was researching I came across this guy.

His videos were interesting, especially this one. I can relate to his feelings, but not to his past. I find it interesting that so many people from such different walks of life are interested in the shift to more simple living. There are doctors, lawyers, truckers, and probably any other occupation that you can think of that just want to get the hell out of the rat race and slow down to a snail’s pace. I think it’s got to be that people are stopping to think about what they’re doing and realizing that everything that they have been taught all of their life is a big load of BS.

If you get a chance, check out The Story of Stuff Project

If you get a chance, check out The Story of Stuff Project

Whatever the individual reasons are, I am very happy to see people figuring things out, even if it is such a tiny percentage. People can see that things need to change and they are effecting the change themselves. That makes my heart smile.

Anyhow, I should go crawl into bed with the most beautiful soul that a person could know, and see if I can get my feet warmed up. I’ve got a long day of travelling and feeding the corporate machines.

For now.

Birdman

Apr 04

Eeeek, I Shopped At Walmart

And you’ll never guess what I got there.

I know, I know. I’m never going to live it down, but hear me out. I lifted my boycott a couple of years ago when I found out that they were carrying more products that were made in Canada, so I decided to lighten up on them a bit. From what I understand, Walmart Canada is run differently than the US, but all of the profits still end up there, so it doesn’t get me all giddy or anything.

What does get me giddy is seeing my friend Steph. Actually, seeing anything is good, which is how I ended up at Walmart in Trenton, Ontario.

I forgot my glasses out west in the dump truck, and was left with these.

They're a 10 year old prescription on safety lenses.

They’re a 10 year old prescription on safety lenses.

I was thinking about getting someone to ship my glasses to me, when I thought about it. They are a couple of years old, I hate them, and the prescription was taken off of these decade old safety lenses by a drunk chick. It really isn’t worth the few bucks to get them shipped.

So I got an eye exam and then went to see Steph, who is an optician at the Walmart in Trenton, Ontario. When I looked at the situation, it didn’t really matter where I got my glasses. I checked all of the stores around, and online, but they are all made overseas. So I figured I would keep my friend working for at least another hour or two.

She helped me try on glasses like these.

Nerdy, but dead sexy professor.

Nerdy, but dead sexy professor.

And these,

I think that these came in second.

I think that these came in second.

And a whole bunch of other ones as well, but these were the ones we settled on.

Apparently they are nice. They're comfortable, so I like that.

Apparently they are nice. They’re comfortable, so I like that.

Steph picked these ones, but I wasn’t sold, so I put it to a vote on G+. Everyone must understand that the voting is just so I get to try things on, while the final decision is made by Mrs. Birdman, and she picked them too. Actually, almost everyone chose them, so I guess my sense of style sucks.

There was a two pair deal (shocker), so I took it, because I needed some decent sunglasses as well. This was also put to a vote, and these were the winners by Steph, Mrs. B, and almost all of the five voters.

These totally distract you from noticing my wattle.

These totally distract you from noticing my wattle. Doh!

In case you are now saying to yourself, “Birdman is whipped. Why would he blindly let his wife pick out his glasses? Be a man.”, think about this.

I rarely look in the mirror, as most people can tell by my hair, so I will rarely see the glasses.

and…

I like to cocoon, and nobody wants to cocoon with someone wearing these.

Not as creepy as Jon LaJoie, but that's just because of my grin.

Not as creepy as Jon LaJoie, but that’s just because of my grin.

All in, I got two pairs of good quality glasses; one with polarized tint, and both with all the coatings and such, for $340. That seems like a pretty good deal to me. I wear my glasses all day, every day when I’m working, and I want to know that my lenses are matched up with my eyes, because I know what it’s like to have a pair of specs that are a bit off. It can make for some pretty bad headaches, and can probably result in your eyes getting tired or something. (I’m looking for scientific confirmation here.)

Anyhow, if you find that you need glasses, and you aren’t sure who to see, I highly recommend that you head down to Trenton and look for this beautiful face in the Wallymart Vision Centre.

The one on the right. You'll have a hard time finding me there before my next pair.

The one on the right. You’ll have a hard time finding me there before my next pair.

If you don’t see her, just ask for Stephanie. I’ve been wearing glasses since I was six years old, and have been fitted for a lot of pairs. She knows what she’s doing, and takes her career very seriously.

There, now that’s probably the last time you will ever see me recommend Walmart for anything.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

Birdman

(I was in no way compensated for this post. I just like to pass on tales of great service. – CB)

Mar 19

So You Want To Be Popular?

Birdman Living with a couple of pre-teen girls makes me privy to a lot of topics that I had completely forgotten about.

One of these things is the desire of young people to be popular.

Now, we all know that this isn’t a new thing*, but it does seem to be happening at a much younger age now. I would estimate a full two grades younger around here; maybe more in an urban setting.

* Remember these two?
Listen, I've got this whole high school thing psyched out.

Listen, I’ve got this whole high school thing psyched out.

 Needless to say, I have watched the whole series. Add that to my experience of wanting to be popular myself, and you get a chance to learn from my, and other’s, mistakes.
School is a tough racket, but I think I have a few tidbits of advice to help you kids make it to adulthood with your sense of self intact.

1. Be nice to people.

That’s it. Just be nice to people. Whether they can help you in any way or not, treat them with kindness and respect, until a time comes that they don’t deserve it. Don’t assume that because someone doesn’t “fit in” with the people that you consider cool, that those people aren’t worth your friendship. They usually are.

I say “usually”, because some people are mean, and it doesn’t matter what you do. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be kind to them too, I’m just saying that I don’t expect you to go out of your way. That doesn’t mean you can treat them poorly though. There is a reason that they are angry, and it’s probably because their life isn’t as charmed as yours is.

While you think you have it tough when you don’t get all of the things that your friends have, some kids only get to look forward to abuse and cruelty when they get home. Consider that before you take any actions toward them. They probably have enough crap to deal with after school.

2. Always stand up for what you think is right.

Throughout your life you will see injustice firsthand. Don’t be party to it, and don’t ignore it, just because it “isn’t your problem”. Remember: a fat lip or a bloody nose only hurts for a short while, but your memories can haunt you for a lifetime. If you see something that needs to be stopped; stop it. You will feel proud of yourself, and you might even get a cool scar to show your kids when they ask about the time you saved Suzanne’s* mom from a bunch of bullies.

* It will probably be something like Trinzy’s mom, but I keep dreaming of names staying quasi-normal for a few years.

3. Conduct yourself with honour and integrity.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

― Mark Twain

I bet Mark Twain would have been a great friend to have.

I bet Mark Twain would have been a great friend to have.

Take it from me, lying and being sneaky will bring you nothing but grief and poor sleep. When I was young, I used to lie all the time. I thought it worked out well for me.

It didn’t.

Sure, you might get away with it for a while, but in the end you’ll be in a confession booth or therapist’s chair, and you’ll probably melt someone’s mind with the fury in which you unleash your guilt. This isn’t healthy for anyone, so if you feel like being dishonest about something; choose your words wisely. They can come back to bite you twice as hard if they aren’t true.

4. Listen to others, but think for yourself.

Some of this stuff I practiced from an early age, but most of it I have adopted after seeing that it was much better than the way I was doing it. I really wish I had listened to my folks and my heart instead of people who weren’t going to matter in the end. Always consider the source when getting advice on anything. Your heart will tell you what to do, and as long as you aren’t evil, it is probably pretty close to correct.

I guess that’s about it for now. If you follow these, and a whole bunch of other rules, you will find that as you get older, you will never be without friends that are as true to as you are to them.

No matter where you go.

Someone I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst I’m best with you,

Birdman