Jun 14

When Is It Okay?

Birdman

Last night I finished my long day of Ingress and met some of the players for a bite to eat and a drink. While I was there, I heard a guy allude to wanting a certain sex act with our server.

Loud, and to the server. It made me feel a bit shocked and embarrassed.

That’s not cool, right? I mean flirting is one thing, but to loudly exclaim about what you would like them to do with their genitals is completely inappropriate.

Hint: These were mentioned.

Hint: These were mentioned.

I’m right, aren’t I? I like to always be right. It gives me a holier than thou feeling.

Now, does it make a difference if it’s two gay men?

I am legitimately asking a question, because I have seen it on several occasions, and I wonder if it’s a different protocol when it’s guy on guy.

Do you remember the time I shamelessly plugged an old post about flirting that reminded me of this?1)That’s right now.

There was another time that I was driving taxi, and a man with two drunk, middle aged women got in the cab. He started talking about getting me out of my shirt, and then reached up over the seat and started rubbing my chest. I grabbed his hand, twisting his wrist back and maybe making him squeal a bit. Partly because he startled me, but mostly because he was wildly inappropriate and invading my space.

Him and his cackling hens started calling me a hillbilly gay basher, and a piece of shit homophobe, and when I tried to explain that it would be no different than if they were driving and some dude that they don’t find attractive did that to them, there would be charges laid, but the one chick said that there was no way she would ever stoop so low as to be a cab driver. Anyhow, they wouldn’t shut up or listen, so I kicked their drunk asses out on the curb.

Luckily for them, it was pretty close to a bar, so it was kind of a bonus. Free cab ride, and they got their excitement for the night. I should have had my wits about me and drove them to Precious Corners or something.  At least then I would have got a little satisfaction from the deal.

I’m not painting gay men with the same brush2)unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me, because the overbearing, lecherous ones are a very small percentage. I just find it odd that people don’t seem to be as offended when a man openly does something to another man that may or may not be welcome. For all I know, it’s a globally accepted practice, and I’m crazy to think that the same courtesies should be offered to everyone, no matter who they are.3)Excluding the Welsh, of course

So what are your thoughts on it? If you are gay, would this offend you, or would it be a thing where it depends on the circumstances? If you are straight, please go out and do some field research for me. Remember to take precautions for your safety.4)mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. That’s right now.
2. unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me
3. Excluding the Welsh, of course
4. mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube
Oct 31

Where’s My God Damned Shoe? Part 2

If you are looking for the first part of this production, click Where’s My God Damned Shoe

Well, we had better get the rest of these photos posted, before Gadget vows to double his intake for next year. You’ll see by the pics near the end, that that is not necessary. Because I’m posting these in chronological order, the more sober and tame ones were near the start. He hasn’t seen what’s to come yet, but I’m sure when he does, he’ll be one proud peacock.

On another note, I really think we should hire a photographer for these parties, because it’s pretty irresponsible to rely on the drunk people for photo remembering. Every once in awhile, I would see the camera and start shooting from the hip, but then there was a chance of seeing the Wicklow Bush, so I abandoned that plan. If anyone else got any good pics that are not too lurid, send ’em my way. I’ll throw them up on the page. I had to erase the good pic of the cake vodka donor, so if anyone has one, I’d love to out him.

Anyhow, back to the photos.

What the fuck would a hippy and a sub ref have to talk about? Maybe how much glaucoma medicine the ref needs.

Touchdown!!!!

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Oct 30

Where’s My God Damned Shoe?

That’s what I was probably yelling at the end of Gadget and Penny’s annual Halloween Extravaganza. I am just assuming that I was saying that, because I ended up going home with only one. It’s okay, my constant puking kept my mind off of my one cold foot. That’s right, I attended far too many meetings. Meetings that last year, I warned you against. There were actually a bunch of birthday celebration meetings, until the cake flavoured vodka ran out. then we were back to sambuca, Sour Puss, and dirty, old Mamajuana. I’m fairly certain that’s what put the nails in my coffin, but it could have been sheer quantity as well. I ate the worm shooters that made me choke last year too, but I knew they were in it this time around, so I lived through it. There were a lot of new faces, and a lot more old ones. I honestly got drunk enough that I was surprised at a lot of the pictures, and The Cleave hasn’t even shown what’s on hers. I had to pick through our camera and delete well over half of them for different reasons. Nudity, work, and lewd behaviour that could end in possible divorce were the three main ones. (Don’t worry, fuckers, I’ll never tell.)

I’m going to let the pictures do the talking, but first I need to tell you that we have enough pics for three posts. I say that is too many, so I’m going to weed it down to two, unless you want to see the rest. If you do, just leave a comment on here, FB, Twitter or Google+. I am going to post all of them on the G+ page anyhow, so it’s not like you can’t see them. Alright, here we go.

The start of the night. Bunch of somber looking bastards

Whoa! Somebody (Gadget) must have stayed up for over a hundred hours carving those out of foam.

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Oct 01

Take Me Out, Coach

That’s right, motherfuckers. We won ‘E’ champs of the Castleton Mixed Three Pitch league, and to celebrate our prowess on the field, the other teams decided to get together and throw us a party.

It was quite lovely. There was a DJ, a lovely buffet, lots of booze, which turned into lots of drunk people. There was also a slideshow that showcased all of the teams dedication to beer league slo-pitch, to go along with the handing out of awards to the champs. (Yes, there were others, not just the “E” division)

I guess I should shut up and just get to the fun stuff.

Hardcore and Mama getting ready for a night with no children.

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Sep 21

How Young Is Too Young?

I’m maybe going to lose a few friends on this one, but it’s something that really bugs the shit out of me…

Hot girls, and the men who find them attractive.

I know. There’s nothing wrong with hot girls. Why should I get my panties in a wad? (It’s to soak up the ball gravy in real life.)

I said “GIRLS”. As in high school girls.

I can hear the collective “Uuuuuuhhhhhhhh” from here. The stares, and the prayers are burning a hole in my heart. I know what you’re thinking. “That’s dirty. They are only naive, young girls. You shouldn’t look at them that way. You need help.”

No I don’t. You do.

You’re the one with the stigma about good looking, young girls being taboo to look at. To think of. To dream about. You’re the one who takes the high moral ground, and says what’s right and wrong when it comes to what age is acceptable for beauty, sexiness, or the body to be talked about. I have been reprimanded several times by people (not always women, either) for remarking on a girl’s looks, as if I can help how hot someone is.

Me: “Oh, wow. Would you look at that? She is gorgeous.” Continue reading