May 01

I Gots Me A Job

birdmandesk

Yep, I got a job delivering fertilizer to farms.

This is awesome, because it combines a few of my favourite things. Farmers, driving, slinging the proverbial shit, and getting a paycheck.

As I was sitting here contemplating what to write about today, I was flipping through G+ and I came across some video footage of Black Sabbath performing one of their new songs in Australia. I couldn’t tell whether it was good or not, because of the bad video, but on the left was a link to a 1973 video from a Deep Purple concert in New York.

I clicked on it, and was immediately transported back to grade 9 or 10 when I worked in the arcade that was attached to The British Hotel, or I suppose it was called Speedy’s by then. There was a jukebox in there, and during a shift of doling out quarters and french fries to my delinquent friends, I would hear the four Deep Purple songs that were on it, maybe twenty times. I worked there 5 days a week at least, so you could safely say that I heard Deep Purple more than the average person.

I believe that this was the model. Maybe some of you remember better. Like how many times Wishing Well by Terence Trent D'arby got played.

I believe that this was the model. Maybe some of you remember it better. Oh, and how many times did Wishing Well by Terence Trent D’arby get played.

This may seem like I’m complaining, but I’m not. I don’t remember ever thinking that I was sick of Hush, Highway Star, or even Smoke On The Water. I liked hearing them all whenever they came on, but the biggest treat was when someone, namely me, would put their two bits in and play Kentucky Woman. Continue reading

Apr 26

I Wrote A Story About Blue

mindofbirdman

But it’s over at Aiming Low. I didn’t realize it had been published, but evidently it has, so here is the link.

It’s not a particularly great story, but for anyone who knows Blue, you will agree that it’s probably pretty accurate. He does what he wants, when he wants to do it, and usually he gets away with it, because of his winning personality.

Tonight he didn’t get away with it though. He was barking at some passersby and I went in to shut the window and get him away from the distraction. He wouldn’t move, so I physically grabbed his collar and slid him along the floor.

This was when he snarled at me.

This is also when the fisticuffs and growling started from both sides. A short, epic battle ensued, resulting in an extended crate nap and a lot of obedience commands.

We’re good now. Well, I am, anyhow. Hopefully he doesn’t start shitting in my pillow or something.

Hey, bird dog get away from my quail, hey, bird dog you’re on the wrong trail,

Birdman

Feb 05

Leave It To Cleaver

mindofbirdman

I don’t even know how to start this, but it needs to be told, so I’m just going to go from the beginning.

I was on Facebook when I saw something come up from Armchair Patriots page in my little right sidebar thing that tells all of your secret conversations with fake Justing Bieber accounts. Don’t worry, I’m sure you weren’t the first to tell him you want to milk his prostate, and you surely won’t be the last. Because they always have funny and thought provoking content on there, and it said “This is fucking nuts” or something to that effect, I just clicked on it without actually looking to see what it was.

What they had shared was an article from The Blaze, and it was a story that was so fucked up, I couldn’t recite it to Mrs. B with a straight face. It’s really whacked out.

As wild as the story is, the news interview with Kai was the piece de resistance. It was so out there that I copied it from Youtube, so in case they took it down, I’d still have a copy to show you.

Here’s the full, uncensored interview in case you don’t want to read the article, but you do want to hear a fucking bizarre story and lots of swearing. There were a lot of people in the comments talking about how foul mouthed he is, and how he’s a piece of shit loser, but I thought the guy was fan-fucking-tabulous. I guess I’m partial to real people, be they flawed or not. I say the guy should get a free bag of weed, an old jeep, and some surfing gear for being awesome.

Right? He cleaved his motherfucking head right open, yo. That shit is fucked up. If Jesus was real, he certainly wouldn’t rape 14 year olds or masturbate in front of schools. He probably wouldn’t want to rid the world of all black people either. What would his reasoning be? They work too hard? He’s fucking Jesus, he don’t care about colour and shit. He’s the Prince of Peace. He wouldn’t snap a woman’s neck like a pencil stick.

I’m glad Kai was there to stop this whack job, and I’m glad he was using the sharp side of the hatchet. I would have brained him with the back or the flat side, but the blade works too, it’s actually the most effective.

Now, at the bottom of the article was a comment section, and it’s way better than mine. I think I need more Republican commenters or something. I took a couple of screen shots for your perusal, and also for some merriment.

Seriously. Pat Alexander is bananas. You know, because  "The Shit is bananas".

Seriously. Pat Alexander is bananas. You know, because the shit is bananas, or the bananas are the shit. Whatever.

 

Searching For The Truth? Not as much "The Shit\', as he is just plain shit.

Searching For The Truth? Not as much “The Shit’, as he is just plain shit.

That’s it for today, kids. If you have any Therapy Thursday stuff for us to figure out, please let us know. We want to help you so bad that it hurts.

We bury the hatchet, but leave the handle stickin’ out,

Birdman

Jan 18

Fox Friday – Won’t Back Down

 

My sweet baby and I settled in and watched this the other night, and it was fantastic. Everything about it was good, in my opinion, but I might be biased, because I love to see union leaders portrayed in a bad light. Have I mentioned that I’m not a big fan of today’s unions? No? Well, there it is. I understand why we need them, or needed them, but I’ll never like the assholes that run them.

Right now, our teacher’s union is in a battle of the bullies with our provincial government, and as usual the kids are pawns, because they are the only bargaining chip that’s worth anything. The thing that makes me mad is that there are some top-notch teachers out there, and it only takes a few bad ones, protected by their unions, to spoil the whole batch, so to speak.

Okay, you can start with the public shamingflaming and boycotting now.

won-t-back-down-blu-ray-dvd-WBD-7_rgb

Anyhow, I’ve been a fan of the willowy, quirky Maggie Gyllenhaal for years, and Holly Hunter as well. The rest of the cast was stellar, and included Viola Davis, Rosie Perez, and Ving Rhames. There were several other fine actors in it, but I didn’t know who many of them were, so pffft. Continue reading

Jan 16

Remember The Good Old Days?

mindofbirdman

When I would do stream of consciousness posts all the time? I was writing every day, and seemingly had enough to say that I could keep on going forever. I probably should keep on doing that, because now that I’ve slowed down to a few times a week, I’ve gotten lazy. Not the good lazy, where you lay on the couch and eat Munchos while scratching your crotch lovingly with your whole hand, but the kind where you rack your brain for shit to write about while playing Pirates on G+ and look for funny shit to put on the FB page. Which, by the way has almost 900 peeps now. (Thanks, Mo)

Yeah, I know it's not much to most people, but I'm pretty proud of it.

Yeah, I know it’s not much to most people, but I’m pretty proud of it.

I need to get back to the way shit was. I’ve become complacent in my belief that blogging is exhausting. It’s maybe exhausting when you can’t think of something to write about, but when you just write, things just seem to end up on the page. Crazy, huh?

One thing that’s been bugging me lately is the Sun Media posts that keep ending up in my feed. Canada’s answer to Fox News, is all it is. I’m so sick of partisan news media that it makes me want to stand on my own nuts. Why does there have to be a spin on everything? Continue reading