Oct 09

Ian’s Scrotum And The Scream Heard ‘Round The Lake

Intrigued? I thought so.

Do you remember the story about selling weed on Monkey Island? No? Then go read it and come back here. Pay attention to the boat.

You should be back by now, so we’ll continue.

My brother Larry and I were puttering around the lake and doing a bit of fishing by the gap. I would have been about 14 or 15. On our way by the government dock, we saw about 40 people fishing the pier and all along the tracks out to the gap. Anyone who grew up there at the time will not be surprised to hear that the majority of them were of Asian descent. The reason I mention their race is only for reference to what’s coming up.

The government dock is to the far right, just out of the picture. I have seen a lot of wrecked boats at the far left.

As we are going by the dock, we hear someone calling to us. It’s Ian, a local alcoholic and chronic welfare case. We pull up to the dock to see what he wants, and he’s already pushed his way through the Chinese families that were taking advantage of the endless supply of panfish in our beautiful lake. Continue reading

Oct 03

OUR TROPHY WAS STOLEN!

If you have missed the first part of this, CLICK HERE

Can you believe that someone would stoop so low as to kidnap such a beautiful trophy from such a wonderful team? I think that someone should contact the authorities about this. Not me, just because I don’t need to attract any more attention to myself, but someone sure should. These brazen bastards mustn’t get away with this sort of thing.

They even had the balls to post photos that we are still trying to understand. We know that J-Roc…

She may look like a lot of fun, but don’t let the look fool you. She’s dangerous.

Continue reading

Oct 01

Take Me Out, Coach

That’s right, motherfuckers. We won ‘E’ champs of the Castleton Mixed Three Pitch league, and to celebrate our prowess on the field, the other teams decided to get together and throw us a party.

It was quite lovely. There was a DJ, a lovely buffet, lots of booze, which turned into lots of drunk people. There was also a slideshow that showcased all of the teams dedication to beer league slo-pitch, to go along with the handing out of awards to the champs. (Yes, there were others, not just the “E” division)

I guess I should shut up and just get to the fun stuff.

Hardcore and Mama getting ready for a night with no children.

Continue reading

Sep 13

Therapy Thursday

Therapy Thursday, please help!

I’ve been having microdermabrasion appointments over the last handful of months. Now, I want to stop for a couple of reasons – 1. I’m trying to cut back on some of my spending and 2. The technician I was going to is now only available on Mondays, which is a day that doesn’t work for me. For some reason, I never really know how to “break up” with these type of service people. I have called to cancel my next appointment, but I told her that I’d call her later to reschedule. I really don’t want to reschedule, but (and I know this is all in my head) I think the technician is holding me to that phone call. Why am I such a damn idiot? Why do I have such a hard time just saying “look, your schedule doesn’t work for me. Oh yeah, and I’m poor”???

Buying A Loofah

Dear Buying,

I don’t see the problem here.  It’s not like you are cheating on your microdermabrasion practitioner with a cuter, smarter, better-looking version.  You don’t have the money, and the timing isn’t good for appointments.  Frankly, either is a good reason not to go, and as a trained professional, she shouldn’t take it personally.  Even if you DO decide to go to someone else, it’s a personal decision and you have the right to try as many people as you Continue reading
Sep 11

Vanilla Thunder With Sprinkles On Top

Yes, I spent the day on Saturday visiting the Merecat and N8Dogg, and then heading over to VT’s for a fish and then birthday celebrations.

Here’s the fish.

We weighed it. It didn’t register. He should be legal by 2020

While we were fishing in the hurricane we saw a massive willow tree break off and crash to the ground on the guy’s lawn. On the drive back to town, we saw two big maples across the road. We helped one guy hook on and drag it out of the way, but the other was a clusterfuck, and because we were still scared from almost smashing into it, we scurried around and booked it for the CDot.

After dropping off the boy, we made for the Beer Store and the LCBO, where we picked up some celebratory libations and then headed for VT’s casa. Continue reading