Mar 19

So You Want To Be Popular?

Birdman Living with a couple of pre-teen girls makes me privy to a lot of topics that I had completely forgotten about.

One of these things is the desire of young people to be popular.

Now, we all know that this isn’t a new thing*, but it does seem to be happening at a much younger age now. I would estimate a full two grades younger around here; maybe more in an urban setting.

* Remember these two?
Listen, I've got this whole high school thing psyched out.

Listen, I’ve got this whole high school thing psyched out.

 Needless to say, I have watched the whole series. Add that to my experience of wanting to be popular myself, and you get a chance to learn from my, and other’s, mistakes.
School is a tough racket, but I think I have a few tidbits of advice to help you kids make it to adulthood with your sense of self intact.

1. Be nice to people.

That’s it. Just be nice to people. Whether they can help you in any way or not, treat them with kindness and respect, until a time comes that they don’t deserve it. Don’t assume that because someone doesn’t “fit in” with the people that you consider cool, that those people aren’t worth your friendship. They usually are.

I say “usually”, because some people are mean, and it doesn’t matter what you do. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be kind to them too, I’m just saying that I don’t expect you to go out of your way. That doesn’t mean you can treat them poorly though. There is a reason that they are angry, and it’s probably because their life isn’t as charmed as yours is.

While you think you have it tough when you don’t get all of the things that your friends have, some kids only get to look forward to abuse and cruelty when they get home. Consider that before you take any actions toward them. They probably have enough crap to deal with after school.

2. Always stand up for what you think is right.

Throughout your life you will see injustice firsthand. Don’t be party to it, and don’t ignore it, just because it “isn’t your problem”. Remember: a fat lip or a bloody nose only hurts for a short while, but your memories can haunt you for a lifetime. If you see something that needs to be stopped; stop it. You will feel proud of yourself, and you might even get a cool scar to show your kids when they ask about the time you saved Suzanne’s* mom from a bunch of bullies.

* It will probably be something like Trinzy’s mom, but I keep dreaming of names staying quasi-normal for a few years.

3. Conduct yourself with honour and integrity.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

― Mark Twain

I bet Mark Twain would have been a great friend to have.

I bet Mark Twain would have been a great friend to have.

Take it from me, lying and being sneaky will bring you nothing but grief and poor sleep. When I was young, I used to lie all the time. I thought it worked out well for me.

It didn’t.

Sure, you might get away with it for a while, but in the end you’ll be in a confession booth or therapist’s chair, and you’ll probably melt someone’s mind with the fury in which you unleash your guilt. This isn’t healthy for anyone, so if you feel like being dishonest about something; choose your words wisely. They can come back to bite you twice as hard if they aren’t true.

4. Listen to others, but think for yourself.

Some of this stuff I practiced from an early age, but most of it I have adopted after seeing that it was much better than the way I was doing it. I really wish I had listened to my folks and my heart instead of people who weren’t going to matter in the end. Always consider the source when getting advice on anything. Your heart will tell you what to do, and as long as you aren’t evil, it is probably pretty close to correct.

I guess that’s about it for now. If you follow these, and a whole bunch of other rules, you will find that as you get older, you will never be without friends that are as true to as you are to them.

No matter where you go.

Someone I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst I’m best with you,

Birdman

Feb 20

I’m All Fired Up

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Remember a few weeks ago when I went to Winnipeg for a blog conference? It was the shizz. I started to tell you about it, but got sidetracked by a bunch of stuff, like the new blog, going to camp, and The Savvy’s birthday party.

What the conference did was got me writing and thinking again. Not so much here, but I’m going to try and split my time up between the two blogs. Now that Aiming Low has been suspended, I will have a bit more time for my own thing.

Yeah, Anissa has been sick since December or something, and she wants to get healthy and spend time with her family. How selfish. Nah, I don’t blame her at all, but I’m still a little bit sad about it. I enjoyed having a deadline, as strange as that sounds, and I’ll miss all of the Google group firings and tomfoolery. If it hadn’t been for my AL posts, I wouldn’t have written anything for a couple of months.

Yipes!

That’s why I needed to go to the Peg. I knew months before I went, that I was going to start a new blog, but that was the kick in the arse that I needed. I had forgotten how exciting blogging was when I first started.

Researching, typing, finding photos, reading, correcting, and re-reading for hours, and then you get to hit that “Publish” button.

It doesn't looks as ominous as it used to.

It doesn’t looks as ominous as it used to.

And you wait.

Will they like it? Will anyone even read it? How many people will be offended by the “C” word? I hope they share it. They probably won’t, but I still hope they will.

These are the things that go through my head, and then I go to bed. When I wake up, I’m sharing it around and checking the stats (today’s post took the lead by 3). As much as I feel foolish admitting it, it really is a rush.

For me. Probably not for you.

On Change The Topic, I rarely ever look at the stats anymore. I will if I write a post that I really put a lot into, but that has been less and less lately. I still need the old girl, but things have changed.

I think it’s like my mom’s Swiss steak, it always makes me feel good, but Reboot is like sitting down to a whole bunch of shared plates at our favourite Thai restaurant. It’s an assortment of exciting flavours, and because Harry doesn’t hear as well as he used to, it’s a crap shoot as to whether you will get your basil beef in any sort of mild form.

If you know me, you know that I’m not always mild. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

My Point

I just wanted to let you all know what is going on in my world. If you care.

Oh, I’m in a way better camp now. It’s the Wonowon Lodge. If you end up working in the area, this is way better than the Super 96. Just a heads up.

Speaking of camps, we have a reviewer who is going to be submitting reviews of camps that he has been to. He’s sort of like Smarty Pantaloons, but I don’t believe he’s addicted to any sort of household cleaner. That won’t be here, if he writes like he talks.

I’m looking forward to coming home in March. I have a urologist appointment to find out why there is blood in my urine. The ultrasound found a cyst, but my doctor said that’s common, and it shouldn’t cause any bleeding.

That’s not why I’m looking forward to it though. I want to go to this.

It's going to be SAH-WEET!!!

It’s going to be SAH-WEET!!! Click the link above, or contact someone to get your tickets.

I can’t even imagine what kind of shenanigans there will be. I won’t have had any libations since the 8th of February, so I should be in fine form. I hope that some of you will come out to this and get your party on with me. I probably need to flush my system for the urologist on the next Tuesday and I might need help holding the funnel.

Alright. I guess that’s it. If you want to check out the new blog, it’s at www.rebootcommonsense.com, but I am warning you now. It is right full of swearing and possibly some anger. It’s oilfield swearing, too. Not your run of the mill cussing going on over there.

Jenny, don’t change your number, 867-5309 867-5309 867-5309 867-5309,

Birdman

Dec 20

Fox Friday – Holiday Gift Pack Giveaway

Birdman

Jonathan Oosterhof won the gift set, and there is no need to comment unless you just want to tell me how awesome I am.

Hello there. I have been sent here to offer you a chance to win a three pack of television seasons.

There’s not much that I can say about these, except that they are available for winning by anyone in Canada or the US. Oh, and Family Guy is fucking funny. I haven’t seen Teen Wolf yet, and Futurama used to make me laugh, but I haven’t seen it since the first season.

Anyhow, here’s what you can win. Down at the bottom you will see the basic instructions on how to enter. It is just as easy as any other time, so don’t get your panties in a wad.

Oh yeah, the box sets will be shipped to the winner directly.

FamilyGuyV12_DVD_ORingSpine_R2
FAMILY GUY VOLUME 12
 

Synopsis

“Family Guy” reaches new heights of hilarity in this outrageous collection of 22 uncensored episodes, including fan-favorite “Into Fat Air,” where the Griffins rock Mount Everest, plus the comedy jackpot “Roads to Vegas” and the milestone 200th episode “Yug Ylimaf,” in which Brian and Stewie develop a curious case of reverse aging thanks to a time machine foul-up. It’s a complete season of laughs with celebrity guest voices Johnny Depp, Jon Hamm, Sofia Vergara and more!

Special Features:

·       200 Episodes Later

·       200th Episode Table

·       Scene Animatic from “Into Fat Air” with Side-by-Side Commentary

·       Scene Animatic from “Total Recall” with Side-by-Side Commentary

·       Full Episode Animatic from “Space Cadet”

·       Comic-Con Panel

·       Audio Commentary on Select Episodes

·       Deleted Scenes

 

FuturamaV8BD 
 
FUTURAMA VOLUME 8
 

Synopsis:

Attention, easily brainwashed citizens of Earth! You are now under the control of “Futurama” Volume Eight — the highly animated sci-fi comedy from “The Simpsons” creator Matt Groening. Packed with mind-altering, brain-exploding extras not shown on TV, this outrageous collection includes 13 mesmerizing episodes featuring maniac street racers, robot grave robbers, and nerve-wracking nose transplants. You’ll watch…you’ll laugh… you’ll obey. The Hypnotoad commands it!

 

Special Features:

·       Audio Commentary on All Episodes

·       Precious Trimmings: A Compendium of Deleted Scenes

·       Futurama University

·       Inside Futurama: The Writers’ Room of Tomorrow 

teenwolf_3a_CLR_2D_S#EE78A9[1] 
TEEN WOLF SEASON 3 PART 1
Synopsis:
 

Four months after the events that nearly ended Jackson’s life and resurrected Peter Hale’s, teen wolf Scott McCall and his friends begin their junior year of high school unaware that a new threat has arrived in Beacon Hills: A pack of Alpha werewolves intent on bringing Derek into their fold, while destroying his young pack.

Special Features

·       Deleted Scenes

·       Gag Reel

·       Return of the Shirtless Montage

·       Back to the Pack

 

Special Features:“Teen Wolf” Season 3 Part 1 DVDStreet Date:                  December 10, 2013Prebook Date:              November 13, 2013

Screen Format:            Widescreen 1.78:1

Audio:                           English DD 5.1

Subtitles:                      English/Spanish/French

Total Run Time:          588 minutes

U.S. Rating:                    TV-14

Closed Captioned:        Yes–

***********************************************************************

Well, there you have it. Put a comment in here on either the Google+ feed or the regular comment thingy and you can grab yourself almost 23 hours of commercial free television. That seems like a win-win situation to me.
Not for me though. I don’t get to watch any of this stuff. It is all for you folks.
Birdman
Dec 18

Where Did We Go Wrong?

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A good friend posted a status on Facebook about the changes to school safety and restrictions since we were teenagers. It was more a question about us as a society, but mentioned how he was allowed to make a crossbow in shop class, and also transport it to and from school on the bus. He alludes to the fact that this would not fly in today’s world, and he wants to know what the hell happened to us to cause such a huge shift, and how we can reverse it.

Fair enough right?

When I was in high school, a kid from another school in town was making a meat tenderizing hammer in shop class. While he was minding his business at his locker, another kid started teasing him about who knows what. Turns out this was one too many teasings, because he clocked the asshole in the eye with the hammer he had just made.

Maybe not exactly like this one.

Maybe not exactly like it, but it was metal.

Is that the right way to handle a bully? Probably not, but it would sure get the point across. To me, anyhow.

Did it stop the other guy from teasing him again? Probably not; that guy was a fucking douchebag. I assume he still is, but I’d like to think that he’s changed.

Now the guy that did the hitting and I had some pretty good fights over the years. Probably because of me being mouthy, but I think it was more like neither of us took shit from people, including each other.

It was always hit and miss with us. I can’t even count the amount of scuffles we had, but I don’t remember one time that we told on each other. I remember after one fight; he smashed my window with his fist and I had to sit in the principal’s office the next day and tell everyone that I thought a bunch of kids were throwing snowballs and that one must have had a rock in it. I had to do this while sitting beside him; both of our faces and knuckles probably cut and bruised.

It never even occurred to me to throw him under the proverbial bus.

I guess it’s possible that it was him, or a bunch of guys like him, that brought about heightened school security and the beginning of humanity’s demise, but I doubt it.

The guy who got hit, on the other hand, was a spoiled brat. He acted like he was better than everyone else and was quite vocal about it. I really believe that he thought he could do no wrong. Even as a young adult he was a rotten prick.

One night, I was on a friendly date, (that means she wouldn’t have sex with me) and we went into an establishment owned by his family. He was drunk and obnoxious, as usual, and proceeded to sit at our table and start hitting on the girl I was with. When he saw the grimace on my face, he asked her what she was doing with an asshole like me.

I took offence to this, as I was wont to do back then, and told him to step outside. As we were on our way out to the beatdown, I was stopped by three older gentlemen who explained that they were regulars there, and that I should just leave him alone. They told me he was drunk, and it wasn’t his fault that he was being a complete dick.

I was pretty sure I could take any of them, one on one, but they made it clear that it wouldn’t be going down like that, so I allowed the waitress to put the drunken fuck in a cab and get him out of there. He didn’t lose his job, and was probably clapped on the back by his friends for putting that “skid” in his place. Probably as they stood around drinking Molson Brador and lighting their hash oil doobies with five dollar bills.

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Photo credit: David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The problem was that this guy’s family never seemed to punish him for his behaviour. There were never any ramifications for his actions, for some reason. If there had been, I think things would have been much different, but you have to remember that it’s not just him. There are millions of people out there that think they can talk to people like they are somehow less deserving of respect for some reason. It might be their looks, their financial situation, their ancestry, or their intelligence. No matter what it is, they have the right to live their life without fear of being bullied. Unless they are Irish or something, then all bets are off.

Another thing that was mentioned in a comment was that the reason for the lack of morality in the world was the lack of God. I assume the person meant the Christian god, but I may have misread that.

As you may know, I don’t care what someone believes in, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, and it isn’t pushed on others by way of the public school system or other secular places and events. Well, unless all religions are going to be taught equally, but what are the chances that will happen?

As for morality being linked with Christianity, or any religion, more than Atheism or Agnosticism? That’s bullshit, and anyone who knows non-believers and faithful alike, knows this. There is good and bad in every religion, race, country, and person. You should believe in whatever makes you feel good, and not because your family, friends, or a charismatic stranger says you should. Study up on everything and make an educated choice. Don’t ever feel that if you choose one or the other, that you will be more or less righteous. It just doesn’t work that way.

You are who you are. That doesn’t mean that you can’t better yourself, but it does mean that if you want the peace and love, you can have it. As much as you want to strive for, if you go about it the right way. It also means that you can go the other way if you want. It’s totally up to you.

I guess the question is whether you want to ruin people’s lives or enrich them?

Make the right choice for you, and for the love of whatever you believe in, pay attention to your kids. They need it more than you think.

Birdman

 

 

Dec 04

Gala Parté 2013

And Darrin!

And Darrin!

Well, Movember has come and gone, but that shouldn’t mean that you quit thinking about men’s cancers. They get people all year long, so  keep on top of it.

There, I’m done all of my harping and begging. We rang out the end of what has become my favourite month of the year, and we did it with style and grace. That means that I’m going to have to wing it until the time comes for Float Your Fanny Down The Ganny preparations. It also means that I have a few photos to show you. Some are like this.

This is excited she gets when she sees a razor in my hand.

This is how excited she gets when she sees a razor in my hand.

Or there was the one on the Brady’s bed before they got to the hotel.

Nothing like a good pillow hump.

Nothing like a good pillow hump. Yes, I got them both.

I just like to be the first to hump in a fresh hotel bed, that’s all.

Come on. With a mo like that, you know he's going to destroy that bed as soon as the room gets cleared.

Come on. With a mo like that, you know he’s going to destroy that bed as soon as the room gets cleared.

Soon we had the whole gang in to our little home away from home.

IMG_0557

Then Scooter and Homes brought me something to wear.

Too much teeth. I'm not good at being a gang banger, but I'm trying, Mo. Really I am.

Too much teeth and glass. I’m not good at being a vato, but I’m trying, Mo. Really I am.

Scooter, Gadget, Homes, and I had left the hotel first, and while we were in the cab, Homes passed me half a bottle of tequila.

“No, I’m okay.”, I said

“That’s not the answer I was looking for, Ese. I left the cap in the the room and we can’t take it in the bar.” was his reply.

“You can’t waste good tequila.” said I, and then the bottle made it’s rounds. Apparently Scooter and Gadget aren’t wasteful either.

Gadget dressed up too. Looks like it's working for him.

Gadget dressed up too. Looks like it’s working for him.

Remember this from last year? Well, remember it for later.

Remember this from last year’s party? No? Well, remember it for later.

Homes and Scooter buggered off somewhere after they got their free beer tickets. Gadget and I cruised the strip looking for action and we found it at the Sher-Wood booth.

He, of course, kicked my ass, but we both got a free mini stick out of the deal, so it was all good. There was also the Harley booth.

He likes to touch my belly sometimes.

He likes to touch my belly sometimes. It’s because I’m gangsta.

We made a flip book thing too, but it would be hard to show here. Also, I don’t have it.

Dwayne Gretzky played again. They were awesome again. Scooter showed back up and danced.

With the devil!

Or maybe it's Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly.

Or maybe it’s Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly, they’re very similar.

It was about this time that everyone else showed up. Mrs. Birdman started a game with Firecracker where you had to get your picture taken with as many people as possible, but she promptly forgot about it because of her amnesia juice. That juice also made her forget to check her phone while she stood in the crowd and watched the band. Not that I was trying to find her. Much.

Firecracker, on the other hand, did not forget that shit. I would need three posts just to show the dedication that this spunky little ginger showed at that party. I guess I’ll just post all of the photos on the Google+ page for whoever wants to see.

Cheers, Tweezle. You're not going to see much of her for the rest of the night.

Cheers, Tweezle. You’re not going to see much of her for the rest of the night.

(While you’re there, you might as well add us to your circles. We don’t bite… hard.)

There is one chain of events that transpired with The Centaur, Mrs. Brady, Firecracker, and the Coke man, that is too funny to not post. I wasn’t there, but Tweezle did a great job of capturing it’s entirety, so it feels like I was.

She probably thought it was a lead shank.

She probably thought it was a lead shank.

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So she has now let go and things start going downhill.

IMG-20131129-00152

But wait! The Coke man thought he had better take control of the situation.

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Don’t let go until his balls drop.

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Okay, you’re good, Now let go of that stud and go on about your business.

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Upsy daisy.

While these guys were clowning around, Dale Jr. and Danica were out making new friends.

I don't even want to know where this is going. Wait. Yes I do.

I don’t even want to know where this is going. Wait. Yes I do.

Do you like the way I painted it grey like an elephant's trunk?

Do you like the way I painted it grey like an elephant’s trunk?

Things started to slide after the band stopped, so Gadget and I loaded one cab full and went back in to round up the rest of the crew, but Firecracker would have none of it. I think we had a pants off dance off, because I remember dancing, then I remember wearing some black, lacy panties when I was back at the hotel. I am just guessing of course, but she claimed them, so I’d say I won.

While we were back inside, we decided that we needed a huge inflatable moustache.

It's the one that's obvious.

It’s the one that’s obvious.

The problem was that there was a security guard that was no help at all. He wouldn’t even lift me up so I could undo the ropes. He said I had to go and ask one of the Movember Canada staff.

I’ll find Emma. She seems awesome in her emails.

No dice, but I did meet her partner. She thought it was a great idea for us to steal the stache. She put me in touch with Dancy McGee, but she said that we could absolutely not steal that moustache. I believe she then got some more security on it and pointed me out as a possible culprit.

This left the front door almost wide open with three guards at the back door.

Hello, what feels like an 80 lb block of ice.

Hello, what feels like an 80 lb block of ice.

This will look so good on your lawn.

This will look so good on your lawn.

Tongues don't stick at +3°C

Some dude asked us if we wanted to go outside and do some ice. It wasn’t that good.

Rub a dub dub.

Rub a dub dub. What a pair of assholes we are.

We want to thank Appleton Estates for the delicious rum, ginger beer and cranberry drinks. You maybe shouldn’t have given out so many, but we’re glad that you did.

Oh, and If you were planning on using this sculpture again, you aren’t.

I woke up still drunk at what I thought was 5 or 6 AM and sat on the toilet eating Zantac and drinking water to cure my pounding headache. I then started investigating where the cold air was coming from. I looked in the shower. My memory started to come back and I decided that I should start melting it down so people could shower if they wanted to.

Apparently just having the door closed wasn’t very much soundproofing. I was startled by a beautiful face in the doorway telling me I was waking up everybody, and to go back to bed. I explained my logic in my trademark loud whisper and was told that it was still night and to shut off the shower and get the fuck back to bed.

I did.

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This was all that was left after Mr. Brady’s shower, so I’d say we did a good job of getting rid of the evidence. Well except for this blog post. And all the pictures on G+. Oh, and the eyewitnesses. Meh. What are you gonna do?

Thank you to all who contributed your money to this year’s Movember campaign, and to all of my brothers and sisters who donated their time and their souls to it; I am so proud of you. You restore my faith in humanity daily and it keeps me going. That and Mrs. Birdman’s sweet love.

Mo on, Mo Fos,

Birdman