Dec 12

Dean

Chapter One – After Birth

The first thing Dean remembered was opening his eyes and feeling the sun’s warmth on his gloopy fur, while noisy things sped quickly by him and his mother. They were big things. Much bigger than him or his mom.

The second thing was his mom licking the rest of the amniotic fluid off of him. Dean didn’t know it was called amniotic fluid, I added that in there, because I do my research. There’s actually a lot of things that Dean doesn’t know, as he is a mule deer. I am just adding them in, because that’s what I do.

He tried to get up on his feet, because he felt it was expected of him. He was nervous about staggering around so close to those whizzing things, but something inside of him said that he had to learn to walk. It took him about three minutes, but he finally stood there on his shaky legs and tried a few steps.

He asked his mom what the giant things were, but she was laying back down and moving her legs around. Something was coming out of her, but it wasn’t afterbirth. Dean watched in horror for what seemed like ten minutes. It looked like a wetter, blacker version of Dean. Dean then realized that he was going to be a brother.

This was amazing news to him. He was going to have someone to learn about life with. Someone to frolic in the meadows and play little pranks on their mom with. Someone to help him track down their dad with. He must be around here somewhere, right?

As Dean watched his mom clean off his new sister, he felt at peace with the world. He couldn’t have been born on a warmer, sunnier day. Life was going to be good; he could feel it.

When his sister was all licked off, and was trying to get moving on her own, Dean watched his mom push out the placenta and then he asked her about the big whizzing things again.

“I don’t know what they are, but they mostly stay on those grey strips of land.” She explained.

“Can they hurt us?” Dean asked.

“Oh yes. I have seen them hurt many deer when they walk out on the grey strips of land. They are very hard to stop.”

“Then why would you give birth to your babies so close to the grey strip of land? That seems dangerous”

“There are many things that hurt us. Some of them, such as coyotes and bears, don’t like coming near the grey strips of land, because they get hurt too. We are very vulnerable at this time of year. I’m weak from giving birth, and you’re weak from just being born.”

Dean thought about it, and figured his mom was most likely right. She was probably two years older than him and had lived this long.

As Dean walked a little, and felt the strength coming into his legs and body, he grinned at his sister wobbling around. He went over and rubbed against her to give her a bit of support. He was glad that she had a big brother to lean on during these hard times and he wondered if he looked that funny when he was learning to walk.

He tried to communicate with her, as he did with their mother, but there wasn’t very much going on behind her glassy eyes. She just stared blankly at him.

Perhaps she just needed some time to adjust to her new life. After all, he was almost fifteen minutes older than her.

“Will she get smarter as she gets older?” Dean asked his mom.

“She might, but judging from the look in her eyes, she didn’t get enough air for her brain to fully develop. I think it happens sometimes with twins. Mine was like that too”

It was right about then that Dean noticed another fawn standing up a short distance away. Wow! there are more of us here. As his mother dozed off a bit, he tried to get the attention of the other deer, but there was a horrible noise beside them. By the time he noticed his sister it was too late. A whizzing thing smashed into her and she went sliding down the grey strip of land.

Dec 11

My Next Adventure

I’ve been thinking about writing a book for a long time now, but I’m quite lazy and become daunted by the thought of sitting down and writing a whole book at once.

So I figured that I would write it a chapter at a time on here. It would probably give me more incentive to actually do it, rather than drive around in a snowplow just thinking about for the next few months and forgetting about, like the rest of my great ideas.

Keep in mind that this will just be the rough draft, and that I am always open to constructive criticism, so if you see ways that I can improve, please let me know.

I’m on nights for the next month and a half, so this should help me use up some of my mornings that have been so far wasted on games and lounging.

If you find that you do enjoy the story, please subscribe to the blog so that you will get each chapter emailed to you. Then you don’t even have to click on the link or any other strenuous tasks.

Thanks,

Birdman

P.S. I also like to encourage sharing. It’s the selfish, narcissistic asshole in me.

Jun 11

I Got A New Phone

wpid-mindofbirdman.jpg

As four of you know from my review, my everything proof phone got all busted up a while back. It dropped from a couple of feet onto the ground and broke. It got me thinking about how fragile phones are nowadays, and how durable they used to be.

So I went old school and picked up this baby.

They don't make them like this anymore

They don’t make them like this anymore

You might think I’m joking, but you always think that. This phone is the real deal, and probably tougher than anything on the market now. The battery life is off the hizzy, but even if it does start to get low while I’m out keeping the roads clean, I have this.

Hard to get a new phone with a removable battery now.

Hard to get a new phone with a removable battery now.

Not only did it come with a spare battery, but it’s just one button to push to change them out.

Notice the screen now? Fully charged, bitches. I’m good for a week on standby now.

But Birdman, the plastic is pretty soft on those old phones. They may not crack, but they get dented up pretty easy.

Oh yeah?

It's Body Glove. I can probably go scuba diving with it.

It’s Body Glove. I can probably go scuba diving with it.

Try denting my new phone through it’s neoprene Body Glove protective phone case. Yeah, I didn’t think so. Backtracking now, aren’t you?

Well that’s all good, but what about when you need to charge it up in a week, or when you need to punch in one of the complex codes to see how many minutes you’ve used?

Oh, I see you think it’s my first rodeo.

Booyah! Bases are officially covered.

Booyah! Bases are officially covered.

That’s correct, naysayers. This came with a manual, a wall charger, and a car charger. Any other negativity you want to spread around? This thing has lasted since the 90s, and my S5 Active with it’s milspec casing and Gorilla Glass 3 didn’t make it two months.

Also, I don’t need to worry about getting caught texting and driving, playing Ingress at work, or even talking on hands-free, because there are no capabilities for any of that. That’s a win for me, my employer, and the people on the roads.

So while you sit there and try to figure out how to get a phone like this for yourself, I’ll be happily not looking at my eBay app and safely driving myself up to The Share Shed to see what other sweet goodies are around.

Birdman

P.S. If you were wondering what I did this week, I wrote a post about the new chicken tractor, reviews here and here at Profane Reviews, and I updated a bunch of products at Dirty Bird Soap. You should go check them out and let me know what you think. We always like to know where we can make things a bit better. Not too much, just a bit.

P.S.S. The Father’s Day Fishing Derby is next Sunday, so we will probably be busy helping with that. If you are in the area, come down. Tons of prizes, and you might get to see us hiding somewhere.

May 02

It’s Been Pretty Busy Around Here

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I haven’t been working in I don’t know how long, but since the weather has been so nice, I have been really busy around the house. I have been writing a bit as well, but mostly on Profane Reviews and Granola Light.

I have wanted to write more on here, but there always seems to be something coming up and fucking with my program. Because I’ve been doing so many little projects, it seems like there’s no time to just blow off some steam and write shit that I feel like writing about.

I shouldn’t say it like that, because I really do love talking about soap, worms, gardening, and now mealworms, but I don’t want to curse over there and scare of the gentle folks. It’s sad, but a lot of people get turned off by crude language, honest opinions, and pictures of big, white dicks.

The review site is good for getting my cuss on, and also for trying to creatively work true stories into the reviews, but it’s pretty limited as far as far as reach goes, plus I can’t afford to buy anything to review right now, so I am relying on past purchases.

That’s great and all, but you’re not going to get a lot of people, looking for a two year old SkilSaw, on Google scanning reviews and then buying through your link on Amazon.

I did find that some people do end up on my Swiss Army knife review from Google though. I guess things like that don’t change models every year or so. Why mess with a good thing?

Things are looking up around here. The buds and blossoms are in full swing now, the hills are green, except where they got burned, and we can get back to a lot of spots on the river that we couldn’t when the water was so high. Oh yeah, I start a new job today, and it seems like a good one. It’s only temporary until mid-July, and then starts again in October until April, but it sounds like if someone quits or gets canned, I might get on full-time permanent. That would be very sweet.

There is still some trucking involved, but it’s a 40 hour week, and I’m home every night, so I am not going to complain about that. It’s a steady cheque, and a steady home life, which has been hard for me to find in a long time. I almost wondered if it even exists, but a couple of buddies told me they had it, so I guess I’ll take them at their word. As far as I know, they haven’t lied to me yet.

This job has also squashed my plans for going home at least until July, but it would have been really hard to swing it financially without the job, and at least we can still pay the mortgage. If I don’t stay on full-time, I might try to get home in August or late July for a week and see my family and a few friends. A week doesn’t give you much time, but it’s something, and until Gerri and I can get coordinating vacations, it will have to do.

Anyhow, if you are wondering what we have been up to, it’s mostly over on Granola Light, but it won’t seem very exciting to a lot of you. That’s okay, everyone can’t be interested in everything, although I have been finding a lot of stuff to be interested in. One of them has always been off-grid living, and we met a couple from Havelock that are living here off the grid, and they invited us out to their place to check it out and have a visit. It’s a ways out in the bush, but hopefully one day that we both have off will come around and we can take a good tour.

Take care, and keep on truckin’

Apr 04

Santori 004 – I Guess It Was Too Quiet On Comms

I guess I should have put the initial post in, so people aren’t asking WTF they are reading. It’s HERE!

Yeah, from the look of it he got bored again. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been yapping away on it, but other than falsely accusing the greens of cheating and having no social life, or trying to get the new blue players to personally meet with him, it hasn’t gotten out of hand. I just decided not to bother with it, because why stir the pot?

Pretty hard to say, either way, because there's no way to know unless you're there.

Pretty hard to say, either way, because there’s no way to know unless you’re there.

I say he was falsely accusing, because I checked into it, and I saw no proof of cheating. When I see some proof, then I will change my stance.

Anyhow, I got up and emptied the extras out of my MUFGs this morning and saw this in the comms, so I figured I should live up to my word, plus I can try out my product placement links for cool Ingress gear.

Okay, And here I thought we were going to quit all this name calling and bitterness.

Okay, And here I thought we were going to quit all this name calling and bitterness.

Now, I think I have an idea about what this might be about. Remember a few minutes ago when I said that I looked into the alleged cheating? I figure it might have to do with this exchange in the cross faction Google Hangout.

Leave me alone. I'm not the graphic design part of the family.

Leave me alone. I’m not the graphic design part of the family.

I guess I could have been more vague in my response to his question, but I do try to make honesty the best policy. I’m not perfect in that regard, but I do try to not lie, without telling everything I know.

Perhaps I should have worded it like this:

“SUCK IT, YOU FILTHY FROG” or maybe, “It’s really none of your business why I wanted to know your physical whereabouts. I have my reasons, and that is enough for me to ask you personal questions.”

I don’t know. The fact is that I have no loyalty to SANT0RI, so whatever. I didn’t name him, or where I saw it. I used the word “circles” to imply it was in Google+, which it wasn’t, so take that how you will. I don’t really care.

It gave me something to blog about on this rainy day, so I guess I should thank him for that. I will definitely thank him if this post turns out a few sales. I know how Ingress folks like their power banks. 🙂

Birdman (NorthernRadar)

P.S. I guess I should mention to SANT0RI that I can’t see what he writes on Google+, because he has me blocked. If you want me to see anything, write it in the actual blog comments. Or in comms, because then I will get to make another post and give myself another distraction from building a new worm bin.