May 29

What’s Been Happening

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Well, let me tell you.

We did our second farmer’s market in Hudson’s Hope and it went very well, despite not having any way to get out of the hot sun. Some of the soap and my mind got a bit soft, but other than that it was a win. Looking forward to spending the money we made on a sun/rain shelter. Does anyone have any suggestions for one that’s at least 100 ft², relatively inexpensive, and easy to set up with one person? Throw a comment up if you do.

I wrote a post at Granola Light, and it was about my new mealworm farm. Since then, I have birthed one crippled beetle and probably 30 more pupae. I figured I had better get some larvae in the fridge, because I think 200+ beetles might overwhelm me in a short time. I think each beetle lays between 350 and 500 eggs, so the bins will be getting pretty full in a year. I’m hoping to sell them to local people, but in a town of about 1000, I think it would be a bit of overkill.

Unless I can find some of the protein crazy folks that eat the creepy little bastards in their smoothies. If I can get that fad going here, I will be in business.

I have also been hardcore working on the Dirty Bird Soap Empire website, whenever I get time. If you get a chance, check it out and let me know if I’m on the right track. We have an online store there, but there is no way to pay, so you can just look for now. I’m not sure how well online sales will go, but we are thinking of opening it up in the next few weeks to see how it all shakes out. Apparently this WooCommerce plugin is pretty simple to use, so I guess we will find out soon enough.

These are some of our beauties.

These are some of our beauties.

We also have a new FB page for the soap company, if you are so inclined. I don’t blame you if you aren’t. I just use it for the various pages and the local buy and sell. I unfollow everyone, because I find it distracting when there are people in my news feed, and all I want to do is sell/buy something or share a post on one of the pages. It’s nothing personal, but as most of you know, I swore off FB many moons ago, so at least I am acknowledging the problem. Unfortunately, I am a marketing whore and we all know that everyone is on there. If I thought I could sell something on G+, I would, but that’s not what it’s good for.

We have a bunch of new batches we are trying out, so if you are out and about in HH on Tuesday, stop by the farmer’s market and have a sniff. There are all kinds of great vendors there, and I will be selling some nightcrawlers as well. Soon we are hoping to get a local potter to make some fancy ass soap dishes for us to sell as well. If not, I guess we will have to branch out further in the province, because we need nice soap dishes too.

These actually look pretty simple to make. With the right wood and some tools.

My job is going really well, and I’m hoping I can get on steady one of these days. It is really the best job I’ve had in a very long time(ever), and for this period in my life, I don’t know how it could get better.(LottoMax)

Anyhow, I hope you freaks are enjoying your spring. We sure are. Take good care of yourselves.

Birdman

Aug 08

You May Notice A Change

Birdman

Yep, I finally changed themes.

It was long overdue, but because it was daunting, I had a hard time committing to it. My old theme was great, but there was a few problems in the code that prevented me from getting my Google authorship, and that’s sort of a big deal for me.

This page doesn't give me anxiety anymore. No more patches of red code errors.

This page doesn’t give me anxiety anymore. No more patches of red code errors.

I had contacted the old theme’s developer and asked him if he could fix it last year, but he never followed up on his promise to look into it for me. I quit giving money and poked around for a new one, but nothing seemed to migrate very fluidly, so I panicked and gave up. I hoped that the guy would just miraculously fix it for me, so I could live my change-free online life.

He didn’t, and now I’m here. One thing’s for sure; I won’t donate any more dinero to a theme developer until I know that it’s going to work for me, and there is a good support system if I have a problem. Sure I only kick in about $5 every few months, but I think that’s pretty decent for a free theme.

Isn’t it? I could have given nothing and still enjoyed the use of it. A lot of people do, and that’s okay, because it’s a free theme. It’s not like you are stealing from anyone. I just like to show a bit of appreciation for someone’s hard work that makes my life easier. That’s all.

Oh wait. Speaking of appreciation, I want to thank Mark Traphagen at Virante for all of his helpful articles and coaching. For any of you that are wondering why I love spending time on Google+, it’s because of folks like him, Ed Hong, and about a hundred other people in my circles that share freely with their knowledge, art, and love of life. Why the fuck would you want to hang around a social media site that’s full of scams, drama, and other negativity, when you could be getting a handful of Nader Madakto’s photo posts?

I digress.

I haven’t finished tweaking everything, but I really like the feel of my new theme. I’ve added some new sidebar widgets, so you guys can see things like where the people are from that are Googling “How to fuck a sheep” * and other tawdry subjects. You can also see some of the blogs I like, but I took a bunch out from who was on there last time. Anyone who hasn’t posted in months or their site was taken down got deleted. I have to add a few more, but these things take time. Do you know a blog that should be up here? Let me know about it.

* Shout out to the UK and Australia for keeping my numbers up on that post.

A selection from Barking Dog Salvage and Parkadilly

A selection from Barking Dog Salvage and Parkadilly

You may also notice that there are ads on the sidebars now. I wanted to showcase my talented friends that make things, because I think you bastards should start shopping for your ChristmasHanukkahHoliday presents at their stores. Buy a gift certificate for a wedding present. Pick out a nice, outdoor cooktop, family tree, or a distinctly refinished set of shutters for your parents to enjoy. They’ll like it better than a George Foreman grill or a collage of selfies in a cheap frame.

Check out Outside the BOX for tons of unique gift ideas. Or you could buy it for yourself I guess. Rob won't care.

Check out Outside the BOX for tons of unique gift ideas. Or you could buy it for yourself I guess. Rob  probably won’t care.

So tell Walmart to go pound sand, and support a local artist, entrepreneur, or inventor. You will put a bit of food on their table and feel really good about yourself forever. Well, at least until you eat an entire bag of of semi-sweet chocolate chips after your girlfriend leaves you for a pair of dirty carnies that she met at the waterfront festival.

Another new development is that I joined the Tumblr. I don’t know exactly how it works, but Amber says I need to be on it, because it’s where the pretty people hang out. Not that she thinks I’m pretty, but she knows I like to dress up real pretty and dance around in my jeggings and a jaunty cap, so she told me about it. I’m sort of glad she did. I’ll be way more gladder when I figure out how to utilise it for world domination.

Let me see. What else is new? Oh, things slowed down at work, so I’ve had the time to work on the blog. I’m trying to get some creative juices flowing for Movember this year, and so far have only come up with a Tombstone theme and a kick ass Shavedown and after party. I haven’t talked to everyone, but I know Scooter’s in this year, and I hope my guys from last year are going to do it again. We did amazing, and had a great time. Well, I know I did, and really, that’s all that matters.

Remember the nip slip seen ’round the world?

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Well, I’m hoping to do the follow up to it this week. I just need to get the photographers and my co-model on board.

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I know that there is other shit to tell you, but I can’t think of it right now. It’s summer time for fuck’s sake.

I guess I’ll go and get the trailer ready to pick up the Hedgehodge’s garbage. Maybe someone I know would want a couple of small dressers and a little desk to paint up or something. I would do it on Saturday, but I don’t want to be late for the swanky shindig we got invited to. Mrs. B is shooting a wedding that day, so by the time she finds me I should be in fine form. Well, finer than usual, I guess.

Oh wait! Here’s something cool that Mike Stenger just showed me on G+. I’m going to install it as soon as I’m done here. If it’s free. If not, then I guess the hackers can have at me. GoDaddy backs me up for a month anyhow.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends, mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,

Birdman

Aug 22

Old Tweeters From Smarty

You realize that this means there will be some offensive shit in here, right? Just making sure you know.

I was looking at the Twitter today, and noticed that the old Smarty account had been hacked. Then I realized that I don’t even remember what email or password I used back then. I guess huffing all of that WD-40 wasn’t as good of an idea as I had thought.
You can say what you want about huffing, but it led to the invention of these tweets, so take that with a grain of salt, you can also take a shot of tequila with a grain of salt, but I recommend that you don’t snort it.
Now, here we go with the first batch of twits, tweeters, or tweets (whatever you call them)
  • I like the term “disturbing sex assault”. What’s a non disturbing sex assault like? Does it involve kissing and foreplay?
  • I wonder if Tim Hortons formulates their breakfast sandwiches to produce explosive farts, or if they just lucked out on it.
  • Sometimes when I’m tired, I seem very angry. It’s because I am.
  • Some days, I wish Chad Kroeger would soothe his raspy throat with a load of semen. Then choke on it. Soulless bastard.
  • Is Patio Lanterns a slow song, or a fast song? Damn you Kim Mitchell, for adding to my teen angst.
  • How many people have had sex with a bag lady in a fridge box? Really? Just me? Wow, I would have thought Ferg had for sure.
  • They’re coming home as you are waking up, easier for them to make you breakfast and chop you up a line#reasonslotlizardsmakegoodgirlfriends

Just why the fuck not? How else are you going to get a $20 blow job in a truckstop?

 

Aug 13

Therapy It Is, And It’s Not Even Thursday

I was all set to write a post about my awesome little mini-holiday, and how I compared myself to Paul in my head the whole time we were at the cabin, but as I got the first sentence in something happened. It was weird too, because I had just entered I Can Be An Asshole in Dude Write 9. If you don’t feel like reading it, it’s a post I did about dealing with things after our oldest had part of her ear bit off by a dog.

I started writing, and listening to some Jimmy Bowskill, when I heard the dog snarl and snap downstairs. I kind of waited for a second, wondering if the girls were playing with Blue or something. They weren’t. I ran down to find out that T had sat next to him, and he snapped at her, and then growled afterwards. She was on the other side of the room by now, so I grabbed the dog, very hard, and fired him in his crate.

What the fuck?

We had just come back from a beautiful time at the cabin. He wasn’t tied up, and had the freedom to run in the woods, fight raccoons, and shit wherever he wanted. This was for five days, and he loved it. He would run all day, and then sleep until he had enough energy to run all night. If he was near us, he was beat. I mean beat, as in tired, not beaten. We brought him home, and he went to sleep on the couch, right beside Mrs. Birdman as she read her book. We went to ball, lost by one to the Castleridge So and so’s (Amber touched my bum), and came home, when I then took him for a walk to have a pee. He didn’t really feel like going out, but he did anyhow.

As we were leaving for the walk, the girls came home from their dad’s house. We did our walk, and then went home, where we went about our usual business. I went to get my Dude Write entry in before the deadline, and Blue went back to the couch. Continue reading

Jul 16

Well, We Had A Great Vacation

Yep, the girls were amazing, and never complained or fought once. Well, until we got home that is, but I’ll take it. I am just relieved that they didn’t call my bluff about turning the van around, no matter where we were. I guess they didn’t realize that the trip had already been paid for, and there was no way that I was going to miss going on the Ride Of Steel. I hope they stay that gullible forever.

Wait, not with boys though. They had better not fall for some guy’s bullshit. I know for a fact, that most boys will say anything to get in a girl’s good graces, so to speak. It’s almost like we lose all of our faculties or something, but either way, they will be well learned on that subject by the time they need it.

So we went to Darien Lake, near Buffalo, NY, and it was awesome. If you rent one of their air-conditioned trailers during the week with four people it works out to around $150 per person for two nights of camping and three days of park passes, plus breakfast and supper for your stay. You really can’t beat that.

Another nice thing was that you can walk around the park and drink beer. There’s nothing like watching parents get told that they can’t go on the bumper cars with their kids if they have a beer in their hand. (Penny) Continue reading