Feb 29

God Is Great, Grief Is Good, And Injuns Are Crazy

Originally published December 17th, 2012

mindofbirdman

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind since last week. Newtown was one of them.

Yep, I’m taking the cheap post. I told myself that I wasn’t going to glorify it by even mentioning the occurrence, but it won’t leave me alone, so here we are.

The day after the killing, a friend of mine put this photo up on Facebook with the note: “Well said.”

397171_525227097500893_1486481420_n

This was all it took. Hey, I’m not saying I don’t have issues.

Yep, that was all it was. I really like the guy, too, but at that moment I was just sickened by this shitty message. I didn’t even think about it. I copied it, then pasted it into the blog’s page with a caption about how disgusted I was with it. I then went and deleted him as a friend, because I couldn’t believe he would be so callous as to put this up after such a horrible tragedy. I’m a huge advocate of “If you don’t like me, delete me”, as opposed to I’m going to tell you how wrong you are, because you don’t share my views. Continue reading

Feb 15

SANT0RI 001 – That Was Quick

So, I posted last night and this afternoon I get accused of cheating with my wife’s account again.

Screenshot_2016-02-15-14-39-28

So I went to pick up my wife from where she was walking, so I could take her out for lunch. I picked her up down the highway and we stopped and upgraded a couple of portals before going out and collecting a little cargo rain from the countryside. We then had lunch and she went back to her walking as I went to the hardware store and thrift shop to try and find something to screen my worm castings(poop). After that I saw that someone had broke the green field and I threw up every link I could. I also deployed a SoftBank to be able to throw 8 more links on it. One is to Beaverlodge, so that should be a pain for some people. My wife, or her account were not with me for that one, so I don’t understand where the accusation of cheating comes from.

Maybe it seems odd that we like each other and like to spend time doing things as friends. I could never get why every time we play together we are accused of cheating. Oh well, if any of you see this in comms, this is my response.

Feb 14

Switching To Green???

Anyone who isn’t interested in reading a very long post about Ingress and some sociopathic behaviour should back out now. I’m serious, it’s almost 3000 words of nerdiness.

Birdman

I don’t think it’s a secret that I like(d) playing an augmented reality game called Ingress.

It started when I was pretty deep in depression, and we weren’t working much, so I had lots of time. I kept seeing things about it on G+ and finally looked it up and downloaded it. Then I saw this image.

choice1-620x350

Anyone who knows me will know which way I chose.

At first it was a bit freaky because I wasn’t sure how the whole going outside to play a video game would work, but after a couple of training exercises and a comment in comms that I was going to try playing the game, I went out to hack my first portal. While I was getting attacked by the portal and driving away as fast as I could, I got a response from Agent SANT0RI, who wondered if I was available for some basic training. After a few minutes of me looking for a car charger, a pickup pulled in beside me with a guy staring at me. I asked him if he was SANT0RI. He was.

He told me to lock up my shitty little1)I added that in vehicle, because we were going for a ride and I was issued some badges and a flashing LED Resistance pin. There was training, but it was far from basic. While we were driving through town, hacking and smashing every portal that could be reached from a vehicle, he asked me what I did for work. I told him that I drove a dump truck, and he asked me if I ever dumped at a certain landfill. I told him that I did, but mostly in the winter when we hauled cuttings from the rigs. He then told me that he used to work there and that he had submitted a portal so he could hack right from the lunch room.

Cool, right? Who wouldn’t want to play the game while you worked? I didn’t really think much of it, and filed it under shit that doesn’t seem that necessary to my learning how to play Ingress. We drove all over town, up on boulevards, down the “emergency vehicles only” walkway at the hospital, and left a stream of blue in our wake. I asked who this NorthernGuard was that was smashing some of the portals that I had just taken, and SANT0RI told me that he was a traitor and a cheater that had left the blue side and went to the enlightened. He then proceeded to badmouth all of the local green team, with the exception of Ghosthands, who he said was pretty cool.

He dropped me back off, and I went out hacking on my own for a while, before going home to bed. I then met NorthernGuard while I was walking around the museum grounds glyphing and smashing what I could. He seemed pretty cool, but I knew better than to trust him. You know, because he’s a sneaky snake and all that.

The next day I got a message from him asking if I was available to come over for a BBQ and meet the team. I said I was, and went over for a burger and to get acquainted with my new brothers in arms. Everyone seemed pretty cool, even though a little ramped up on the blue Kool-Aid, so after eating and shooting the shit for a bit, we went for a tour in this.

Santori008

He turned on the truck’s wifi and talked about going to Portland for an anomaly(Ingress event) while five of us hacked and smashed and basically reblued the town. I guess there was six, because one guy was hacking with two phones, but what do I care if someone wants to play their kid’s account for them? I’m not the morality police, as most of you already know. I was also regaled with how big of a bunch of losers the greens were, and when I mentioned meeting NG, and telling them that he seemed like a pretty good guy, I was told that he is always nice to your face, but as soon as you turn your back he would be right there with the knife.

SANT0RI then told me that it was okay if I talked to the green team, but he didn’t want me hanging out and being best friends with them or anything.

HUH?

HUH?

A grown man actually said that to another grown man. Like that’s going to make me not hang out with someone.

The next night I hit up Charlie Lake and turned everything blue, while I was having dinner, I got an invite in comms from NG and a couple of the other greens to go for a beer, and you know how I feel about going for a beer.

You will probably find this hard to believe, but they were pretty cool. They were just happy to have a blue player in town that didn’t treat them like a handful of used condoms. We arranged for a cross faction mission night, where we were all going to hike the community forest and get the badge.

I couldn’t wait. I was excited for my first mission badge.

There was a G+ community made, and other Resistance players were invited, but I was the only one who showed. We hit the trails and did our mission, but before we were halfway done I was getting messages from SANT0RI and his wife about how it might be considered as cheating, because we were knowingly trading wins.

We weren’t. It was an advertised, organized cross faction event, meant to get the teams together and show that everyone was human and deserving of respect.

I also got this in the message.

With a note saying that this was what he thinks of cross faction.

With a note saying that this was what he thinks of cross faction.

It all went downhill from there. I was branded a traitor to any who would listen, and called some pretty ridiculous names in the comms and faction hangouts. Probably my favourite was, and still is, peewee hearman2)yes, he spelled it like that too. Seriously. He called me that a lot. I then packed up my gear and went back to Ontario to get the family loaded up and headed west. NeoXNemesis (the X is silent), and I did a good deal of hacking and fielding the whole way out, so that she could arrive at her new home as a level 8 and be able to contribute to making our new town a glorious shade of blue with the help of the 3-6 other players here.

Sometime around mid July, we were entertaining friends from the east, and I had to go out and do some Ingress related errands. She was supposed to come as well, as she had the ADAs and we needed her 8s on the portals to have a truly great farm. She decided that it wasn’t right to leave our guests and said that she would drop the ADAs and then come over after and put the 8s on, but I said I would just take her phone and drop them from it.

Totally cheating, but I didn’t really think of it as a problem. I figured that she was going to do it anyhow, so I would save her the trouble. Stupid of me, yes, but there it is. One of my teammates apparently took a photo of it and posted it on a hangout that I wasn’t a part of. I had left the hangout as soon as the harassment started against me. I’m not sure who took the photo, and frankly I don’t care. The fact is that I shouldn’t have cheated, and I wouldn’t have had anything to worry about.

This brings me to the day that I was taking a load of contaminated soil to the landfill, and as I am hitting the Beatton Airstrip portal my scanner picks up a portal I had never seen before.

Screenshot_2015-08-15-16-14-23

That’s strange, but I was working so I didn’t bother to check the intel map. I just threw my phone on the passenger seat and started up the 73 Rd. Imagine my surprise when I was waiting in line and I hear my scanner go off about my XM being at 55%. I had forgot to shut Ingress off when I left the rest stop. When I looked at the screen, there was a grey portal right in the disposal site. The strange thing is that this portal physically wasn’t there when I went over to the TRD side an started poking around. I knew it wasn’t, because there isn’t a blade of grass or tree within a hundred metres of the office. It’s a restricted access site that handles contaminated waste and oilfield fluids. The average pedestrian isn’t allowed inside, and there have been some pretty serious incidences over the years. Sounds like a great spot for a portal.

Here is a photo from outside of the gate.

Photo, minus the text and arrow, are from http://www.alaskahighwaynews.ca/regional-news/local-news/touring-the-dump-1.1142125

Photo, minus the text and arrow, are from http://www.alaskahighwaynews.ca/regional-news/local-news/touring-the-dump-1.1142125

Now I don’t know about you, but to me, this is cheating. I don’t know if he just took a picture of the actual statue to the site and then took a photo of it, or how that worked, but I know, and he knows that it sure wasn’t taken there. Even if there was an actual statue at the site, you still can’t put a portal where it could endanger people.

Now earlier in the summer there was a petition going around to get SANT0RI banned from Ingress for spoofing, bullying, and multi-accounting. It was signed by mostly green, but there were probably half a dozen resistance players on it. I responded that although I was confident that he was doing all of those things, I hadn’t personally seen proof of it, therefore I couldn’t sign the petition.

I wish that the petition had come out a month later, because I witnessed the True Blue SANT0RI full on after that. I didn’t really pay attention to it until a few days after I noticed his portal had gone live. I was on faction comms when he was welcoming a new blue player and told them that NG was a known cheater and had a blue account to spy on our comms. I don’t believe that is true, but it might have been. Either way, I was already fuming about his fake portal, so I called him out in the faction comms and told him to quit accusing others of cheating, and I mentioned to him about glass houses and stones.

He wouldn’t quit, so I wrote a big letter to Niantic, documenting the proof of his cheating, and of the dangerous portal. I also included proof of his cruel and illiterate barrages of insults to myself and a few of the Enlightened team, and offered to testify to his dangerous driving habits that I and others had witnessed firsthand, because really, you want to be thorough.

A few days later, I got a reply from Niantic stating that they took the portal down and thanked me for reporting it. It was from a “do not reply” address, and that was that.

I had heard quite a bit about how Niantic does absolutely nothing about reports of cheating, but I figured that it would be different now, because I had proof. That was silly of me, and now I’m quite skeptical of their ethics as a company. I have already told them that I won’t be purchasing any more Chaotic Matter, until there starts to be some changes, either to their Terms Of Service, or to their enforcement of the current TOS. If you aren’t going to punish people who breach the TOS, then make them a lot more lax, so that there is a level playing field for everybody. If nothing is cheating, then everyone can spoof and multi-account, therefore making the game even.

This post is as much about how poorly they enforce things as it is about the people they should be enforcing. I should have been banned from playing, just for openly accusing SANT0RI of cheating and calling him and his friend illiterate in comms. That’s just going on the assumption that nobody has reported me for cheating, with my confession. I figure that if they accept the homophobic slurs like, “the sales of vasoline goes up this time of year, they are considerate of each other.” when referring to my friendship with the enlightened players, my paltry, and true, accusations probably don’t even register.

I say that now, but they probably will boot me from the game now that I have openly admitted everything, and leave him alone for the abuse that I have instilled upon him. If that happens, I guess I will focus my gaming attention on Resources. It’s pretty cool, and it has a lot less drama. If we both got booted, I would be satisfied with their choice, as long as the list of alts got banned as well. You probably think that I’m talking about a couple of accounts, but I’m not. It’s enough that last weekend I was broken down across the road from a remote portal when a level 5 blue portal went to a level 8, then was Jarvised to a level 8 green portal. One pickup truck did all of that in less than 30 minutes. The seven tiny people then went to our town and Jarvised almost all of the blue portals, smashed them, levelled a few to 8 and put frackers on them, then Jarvised them again and left the town grey.

On a good day, SANT0RI couldn’t get seven other Resistance together in his city, let alone a portal that’s half an hour from town, and then he just happens to be hanging out with JimmSlimm and the rowdy crew that shows up every once in a while, at any given location, and destroys a solitary portal.

One day Chikens, a green alt, drove to the 73 Rd, right past several other portals and smashed a portal that had a bothersome link. I assumed it was just some spoofer, so I got on open comms and called out the green spoofer. The only reply I got was from SANT0RI about how I now had the enlightened paranoia. I don’t know why he would have even responded with anything but how the frogs are just a bunch of cheaters. I didn’t even have a clue it was his alt until I saw the name on the petition.

Hahaha

Hahaha

I digress. I will make a category on here with all of the posts about SANT0RI that I am sure to have. I do not respond to him in comms anymore, so I will be defending myself here. I will respond to everything he says to/about me or anyone else that I see fit, and I will share this post in comms every time that he tells a new or used player about how I’m a turncoat or any other bullshit that he decides to spew. Through the advice of a very smart person, I won’t engage firsthand with somebody that is obviously unstable and puts so much importance on a game.

I want to. I want to get mean and cruel; to personally attack in retaliation, but what good would that do. It would only make someone who is bitter about something, be even more bitter and volatile. I have thought about trying to mend fences, but I can’t do that with somebody that only knows how to spit venom. I probably shouldn’t have engaged when I did, but one of my faults is telling it like I see it, so here we are. It’s not like it’s only me that he has a hate on for, but it seems that I’m the target now, so I guess I will try to deal with it in a manner that I think will make it easier for myself and others to chat in open comms without having to endure abuse from another player.

I tried calling him out in comms, but that violates the TOS and makes other players uncomfortable. I have ranted about him in crossfaction hangouts, but that’s not really fair when he isn’t there to defend himself, so I will do it here, where I have the freedom to say what I want, and he can leave a comment if he wants to rebut. I will also be posting every time I see an accusation or slanderous comment to anyone in comms.

I was going to quit this game two weeks ago, because all of the enjoyment had been sucked out of it for me, then I was sad about not playing anymore, so I contemplated switching to the slimy frog pond. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, even though I like that team better than my own. In the end, I figured that I would try to make the game fun again, and try to keep as positive as I can while trying to bust ne’er do wells for ruining people’s fun.

I told you it was long and Ingressy.

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. I added that in
2. yes, he spelled it like that too
Jun 14

When Is It Okay?

Birdman

Last night I finished my long day of Ingress and met some of the players for a bite to eat and a drink. While I was there, I heard a guy allude to wanting a certain sex act with our server.

Loud, and to the server. It made me feel a bit shocked and embarrassed.

That’s not cool, right? I mean flirting is one thing, but to loudly exclaim about what you would like them to do with their genitals is completely inappropriate.

Hint: These were mentioned.

Hint: These were mentioned.

I’m right, aren’t I? I like to always be right. It gives me a holier than thou feeling.

Now, does it make a difference if it’s two gay men?

I am legitimately asking a question, because I have seen it on several occasions, and I wonder if it’s a different protocol when it’s guy on guy.

Do you remember the time I shamelessly plugged an old post about flirting that reminded me of this?1)That’s right now.

There was another time that I was driving taxi, and a man with two drunk, middle aged women got in the cab. He started talking about getting me out of my shirt, and then reached up over the seat and started rubbing my chest. I grabbed his hand, twisting his wrist back and maybe making him squeal a bit. Partly because he startled me, but mostly because he was wildly inappropriate and invading my space.

Him and his cackling hens started calling me a hillbilly gay basher, and a piece of shit homophobe, and when I tried to explain that it would be no different than if they were driving and some dude that they don’t find attractive did that to them, there would be charges laid, but the one chick said that there was no way she would ever stoop so low as to be a cab driver. Anyhow, they wouldn’t shut up or listen, so I kicked their drunk asses out on the curb.

Luckily for them, it was pretty close to a bar, so it was kind of a bonus. Free cab ride, and they got their excitement for the night. I should have had my wits about me and drove them to Precious Corners or something.  At least then I would have got a little satisfaction from the deal.

I’m not painting gay men with the same brush2)unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me, because the overbearing, lecherous ones are a very small percentage. I just find it odd that people don’t seem to be as offended when a man openly does something to another man that may or may not be welcome. For all I know, it’s a globally accepted practice, and I’m crazy to think that the same courtesies should be offered to everyone, no matter who they are.3)Excluding the Welsh, of course

So what are your thoughts on it? If you are gay, would this offend you, or would it be a thing where it depends on the circumstances? If you are straight, please go out and do some field research for me. Remember to take precautions for your safety.4)mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. That’s right now.
2. unless they’re into it and there’s a cool sawbuck in it for me
3. Excluding the Welsh, of course
4. mainly condoms, a panic button, and some lube
May 05

Furry Fandom?

birdmandesk

So I went back and read the old post, How To Properly Shag A Sheep today. I still get a kick out of it, and the fact that roughly thirty people a day, every day read that post.

It’s the sole reason that some ad companies keep sending me emails. I hadn’t written in a year, but still consistently got over a thousand hits a month from all sorts of people.

Sadly, a lot of them got there by searching for phrases like, but not limited to:

  • how to fuck sheep
  • can man fuck sheep
  • sheep vagina
  • sex with sheep

When I got to the end of the post, I noticed a bunch of comments that I hadn’t seen before. One of them, I found kind of odd and disturbing.

kobidobi

Needless to say, I responded in anger at someone who is into zoophilia calling me wicked for being froward.1)adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.* I’m still trying to figure out what any of this has to do with the Lannisters.

So anyhow, I was on this pinhead’s profile and saw a bunch of posts and videos about people dressed as stuffed animals, and while I stared at the sheer volume of them, Mrs. B came to kiss me good night. I asked her to look at it and she said, “Yeah, they’re furries. It’s a real thing.”

I, of course, had to look into it. It’s real, with conventions and everything else. People have costumes that can cost more than $10000 and some of them have sex with the costumes on. Crazy, huh? I mean, I could understand it if they were Wookies or Storm Troopers, because everybody does that. Right?

Of course I’m kidding. I don’t care who you choose to have sex with, as long as they are into it too. Dress up as Toto, and have your partner be Dorothy for all I care. Hump the living shit out of her leg and leave a stain on the ruby slippers. Fly your freak flag high and proud, I say.

Do not have sex with real animals.

I know, I shouldn’t have to tell you that, but obviously it needs to be said. Go and look at the thread with the idiot and I. He seems to think that it’s okay to have sex with whatever you want, which brings me back to the furries.

the survey was replicated in 2008, and it found 17% of respondents reported zoophilia. The older lower results, which are even lower than estimated in the general population, were due to the methodology of questioning respondents face-to-face which led to social desirability bias.

That’s from the Furry Fandom Wikipedia page.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I know that Blue loves me more than probably anything2)with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things, but I’m certain that he does not want me to fuck him.

I’m absolutely sure of it.

I’ve had lots of female dogs over the years, and many had been in heat, but not once did any of them lift her tail and puff up her vagina to lure me in. Not one time.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t fuck her even if she was asking for it in concise English. I am not into it, but that’s just me. Call me a prude.

This kobidobidog seems to be okay with it though. Unless he’s a troll, but I don’t think so. There’s too much evidence of him being really into it.

So there it is. I’m going to let the dog out for a pee, and go curl up with my sweet mama. She’s been waiting for several hours.

Word to your moms,

Birdman

Awesome footnotes   [ + ]

1. adjective 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; contrary. *I had to look it up.*
2. with the exception of eating garbage and smelling things