Apr 15

Aw Jesus, Who Invited God To The Party?

birdmandesk

Is it just a given that he’s welcome at all events? I know I’ve never told him about any party or function that I’ve ever gone to. Did you?

I know someone did, because we were at a civic awards ceremony on the weekend, and before the dinner, we were asked to bow our heads in prayer and thanks.

I, of course, did not.

Instead, I looked around the room to see if there was anyone else that either didn’t believe, or didn’t just try to conform with the crowd for fear of being labelled a heretic. There weren’t many.

I have to think that there had to be more than four percent of that room that didn’t believe in God, and if that is indeed so, then why not just sit like you normally would? Why would people want to just fit in if they don’t believe in something? That’s scary.

You know what’s scarier to me? That all of those people might believe that God really is the creator of the universe, just like the MC/Pastor said he was.

Something else that really bothered me is that after dinner there was a high school singing choir thing that did 3 songs. Two of them were about God.

It’s not a Christian high school. Or is it?

Maybe it’s just a strictly Christian town and they teach religious songs in school, because everyone there is a Christian. That could be why they say prayer at an awards ceremony, and have a minister MC the event. I mean, they must be all Christian, and I, along with the three others, were just visiting from out of town, so that’s why we seemed out of place.

But that’s not the case. I know a few people from Brighton that are non-Christian. One is Pagan, and the other’s are no religion that I know of. Our Pagan friend is one of the neatest people I’ve never met, but I’m going to hunt her down one of these days. I thought that maybe she wouldn’t want me telling you about her witchy ways, or about the tiny folk that inhabit her part of the globe, but I’m going to anyhow. I suppose that they frequent everyone’s domain, but she’s just lucky enough to have some evidence of them at her place.

One of the neat things on her blog at http://blog.pixiehill.com/

One of the neat things on her blog at http://blog.pixiehill.com/

Seriously. I just love telling people about the super cool things that she createsfinds up there on the hill. I’ve never Continue reading

Dec 10

How To Properly Shag A Sheep

(editor’s note – This is a fun post, and by no means should it be taken seriously. Click Here if you don’t have a sense of humour about zoophilia. Okay then, no complaining.)

I remember talking to someone over the weekend, and whatever we were talking about made me want to write a post about it. I said as much, and stored it away for Sunday night, but when the time came to type it out, I couldn’t remember what I was going to write about.

Luckily I have Facebook and was able to ask if anyone there remembered what I was going to blog about. No sooner than I asked, I got a response from Brad. He said it was either about how people can defeat the plutocracy, or how to sneak up on a sheep when you’re drunk and horny.

Thanks, Brad!

Seeing as I don’t even know what a plutocracy is, I guess you are going to learn about raping farm animals and how to properly tamp down your shame with morbid poetry and self-inflicted glass cuts.

Yes it is, and no they don’t. They don’t even like getting laid by other sheep, as if your tiny pecker is going to do it for them. If you are human, and you fuck an animal, you are a rapist in every sense of the word.

Yeah, but what about if she fucks me? Then it’s okay, right?

You deserve to be thunderfucked by the ram for being so stupid. No means no, and because you don’t understand sheep language, you can’t know for sure that it’s consensual. That would be like me forcing myself on random Taiwanese women, and because I don’t speak their language, using the defence that I thought they were saying yes. They weren’t.

No one, except sometimes my wife, willingly has sex with me. Continue reading

Nov 27

Oh, Sweet Satan

That’s apparently what Jay-Z, MTV, and every Freemason in the world is saying. Seriously. They are all a satan worshipping cult according to Christopher Hudson, aka TheForeRunner777.

When I decided to do a blog post on that fucking puke kid from Two and a Half Men, I honestly wasn’t expecting to reach a level of crazy that far surpassed Charlie Sheen, but here we are.

So, Angus T. Jones went on record saying that people shouldn’t watch Two and a Half Men because it’s “filth”, and Kathy tweeted the link or something on the Twitter. I was curious, because she had worded it so well, so I went and checked out the videos. They are long and dull, so if you don’t want to torture yourself, glance at the above article for thirty seconds. You’ll figure it all out. Continue reading

Nov 21

Frick

This is one of those stories that I was reminded of tonight by a friend. It takes place in various spots in Northern BC and it involves one of the nicest, most naive men I’ve ever known. His name is Frick, because the motherfricker said it so often. Seriously. The only time he would actually swear, was when he was quoting what someone else had said. The funny thing was that working in the oilfield gave him lots of opportunity to cuss his face off, while never having to actually swear. The first time I was ever in a vehicle with him was really weird. He drove extremely fast on really bad roads, all the while telling me stories with lots of swearing in quotations. I’ll try to demonstrate with Frick in quotation marks and the original quote in italics. Keep in mind that there are quotes inside of quotes, and the entire thing is a quote from Frick Continue reading

Aug 01

Okay, I’ll Bite. (Into A Juicy Chick-fil-A Sandwich)

There, I said it. I would eat a Chick-fil-A sandwich, just on principle.Wait, let me state my case before you get all crazy on me, you buncha homo lovers.

From the info I’ve pulled off of Wikipedia, Chick-fil-A started a charity in 1984 called the WinShape Foundation, which has a sister foundation called Lifeshape. Now the WinShape Foundation, from what I can tell, gives money to Eagle Forum, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Marriage and Family Legacy Fund, Family Research Council, Exodus International, and Focus On The Family. They also have some sort of affiliation with the Pennsylvania Family Institute.

Now most of you know my feelings about religion and the folks who spout it, so you would think that I would be all over these people, but how is that any different than them trying to silence me? The thing is that my stance on freedom of speech overrules that. Just like I’m free to say what I want about religion, sex, and whatever other bullshit that I’m spewing, they are free to believe what they want and say it as loud as they want. Well, as long as there’s not a curfew where they are. No one is allowed to just be screaming their head off all night. Lights out at eleven, peeps.

Yes, even for them.

Continue reading