Mar 14

Therapy Thursday

(This didn’t actually come as a Therapy Thursday, but as it came anonymously, I am treating it as such. Also, if you want to send us in a question or problem, go to the “Harass Us” page in the sidebar. You can put a fake email and name in there if you’re scared.)

newtherapythursday

Dear Birdman

You seem like a angry dick on your facebook. Why do you hate God so much? Why do you always try to find a reason to make fun of religion instead of just checking it out and maybe liking it. It’s pretty cool to have all of the people in your church there to back you up and they make you always feel like your a good person. Theirs alot of worse things in the world than loving God. You could be a rapist or murder people.

Love Life

mindofbirdman

Okay then. If I was an angry dick, I would start this out by correcting your grammar and calling you an inbred stump jumper. I would then tell you to go grab the old mare and give her a right good rogering.

But I’m not angry, so I won’t. The dick part, would I guess depend on who you talk to. I’m now going to respond to your questions, albeit briefly, because you sent me this at 9:55 on a Wednesday night and I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow. Why not leave it for next week, you might ask? Well, I haven’t had a Therapy Thursday question in forever, and I kind of miss them (a lot).

I love Monty Python.

I love Monty Python.

Continue reading

Mar 11

Standing Up For What’s Right

mindofbirdman

I’m bypassing the post about how I was depressed and didn’t realise it. It’s not that I don’t think it’s worth talking about, because it is, but this just happened tonight, so it’s still fresh.

I followed a guy that I thought was drunk, and I confronted him when he pulled into the convenience store parking lot.

I had to meet some people at the Tim Horton’s and got stuck behind this guy doing anywhere from 10 to 40 km/h in 50 and 60 km/h zones. He was swerving and hitting his brakes all willy-nilly and generally being a nuisance, so when I saw him getting into the drive-thru, I realised that I had a couple of minutes to talk to the family I was meeting. I saw the shiny, new avalanche leaving, so I got behind him and followed him back downtown. It was the same erratic driving as the way up, sometimes almost coming to a complete stop and then taking off slowly.

Not cool.

Not cool.

When he pulled into the Mac’s, I got out and approached his truck. He had oxygen tubes in his nose and his eyes were droopy and dull. I asked if he was alright and he said he was fine. I then asked if he’d been drinking and he got pissy and exclaimed that he hadn’t had a drink in twenty five years. I told him that he was driving pretty crazy, and that he was endangering anyone who was out on the road, because he wasn’t paying attention, but he told me he was just fishing for change and that he had looked around, and there wasn’t anyone following him, so he didn’t think it mattered. When I told him that I was right behind him the whole way, he said he didn’t see me, so I explained that he obviously wasn’t paying attention around him. Continue reading

Jan 24

Therapy Thursday

newtherapythursday

Dear CTT,

I am a recently separated woman, living just a few blocks from my ex.  We have children together, and were together for almost 15 years.

One of the issues in our marriage was his lack of contribution to the care and maintenance of our home.   We hired people to cut grass and shovel snow (if I didn’t do it myself), and paint our verandah.   New cans of paint sat in our basement while rooms went unpainted.   He turned away help from both sets of in-laws for so long that we just started to work around him, planting a garden, redoing bedrooms, building furniture to keep the place organized and tidy. It was a chronic issue between us (among others of course), and I never understood how he could lack so much pride in his own home.  I stopped inviting people over for years, because I was embarrassed to have them see how we lived.

What I imagine.

What I imagine.

Since I moved out (we share custody of the kids, and that seems to be working well so far), he has revamped the kitchen, hung art on the walls, tidied up the garage so he can park in it, and a variety of other things.  More work has been done in a few weeks than has been done in years.  I am furious!

Why would he do this all now?  I have asked many people and nobody could explain why he never did anything to help, and why he’s doing it now that I’ve left.  Is it just to hurt me?  Is it to make the place better for the next woman in his life?  Should I even care as long as my kids have a better home?

After the last time I was there, I have finally decided I can no longer go into the house;   it hurts me every time I see it.  Do you think this is a good strategy?  Can you figure out his change of behaviour?

The rest of my life is great now, and my new living space has already become a home to me.  But I’d love to hear your insights, so I can really start seeing things more clearly.

Sincerely your’s,

Miss Daisy

wpid-fromthedesk.jpeg

Dear Miss Daisy,

I hear the disappointment and frustration in your letter.  I understand why you feel this way.  You wanted to have a nice home, and a place you could share your lives together, entertain friends comfortably, and provide a nice place for your children to grow up.  It seems as if only one of you wanted these things during your union, and that person was you.

 

You don’t mention any of the other issues that contributed to the deterioration of your marriage, but I’m going out on a limb here and suggesting that there might have been some nagging on your part, and some avoidance on his part.  People often don’t like to be told what to do, even when it’s very obviously what they need to be doing.  It’ s in our human natures to want to make the decision to act on our own accord, and not based on the desires of other people.  For some, the constant reminders about all that needs to be done (and isn’t currently getting done) act as a continuous sandpaper, grinding away at our self-esteem and desire to become involved in new projects.   This is not an excuse, but perhaps it will provide some insight into the other half of the problem.
I imagine this is what it's like. I hope I never find out.

I imagine this is what it’s like. I hope I never find out.

 

Here’s the next part, and I’m not sure you will like it.  However, you have asked for insight, and I have some to offer.

 

You are now separated, and on your way to divorce.  The ‘why’ of it really isn’t important.  Will it make you feel better to think that your ex-husband is experiencing a new lease on life, and has obviously overcome one of the major hurdles that he had when you were together?  There’s a pretty good chance that his newfound interest in home decor coincides directly with your exit from the marital home.  Whether that bothers you or not, depends on you, and honestly, it is up to you to decide how you want to assimilate this information in your life.  In the simplest of terms, it no longer concerns you.  You should be pleased, because it IS good for your children.  If I had to guess, I would say this man doesn’t really care at all what you think about his interests.  He seems pretty happy to be on his own and it sounds like you are happy on your own.

 

I think your strategy of staying out of the home is a good one.  Perhaps there will come a time in the future, when the sting of it isn’t so fresh, and your own happiness far outweighs any of the past negativity associated with the home, and you will be able to step inside without feeling anything at all.

 

The future climate of this relationship is up to you.  Since you are no longer together, and you still must co-parent, it is in your best interests to let it go and move on.  Don’t worry about what he is doing, with whom, or why.  It simply does not affect you anymore, and it is really not your concern.  I say this with great kindness and respect, and I hope it is taken that way.  Be happy for him, and happy for your kids.  Wish him well, and prepare to open your heart and start a new life that will be ultimately more rewarding and fulfilling than the one you are leaving.

 

Mrs. B.

 

mindofbirdman
(image source: quick-rite.com)

(image source: quick-rite.com)

Dear Miss Daisy,

 

I know a guy (it’s me) that will trash the house on a weekly basis for a nominal fee. Another thing you could look into is a way to get some red squirrels or raccoons into the house. They will fuck shit up in there and keep him on his toes for weeks, because he’ll always wonder if he missed one that is having a litter in the attic. You seem kind of like the bitter sort, so I’m sure you’ve already figured out how to get in there without getting caught, you probably just didn’t know what to do when you got there. That’s where I can help. I spend most of my days thinking about how to fuck up people’s lives, just in case someone like you comes along. Give me a call, and if you don’t, there’s not much else I can say other than whatever you choose to do, make it untraceable.

 

I said upside down you’re turning me, you’re giving love instinctively,

 

Birdman
Dec 10

How To Properly Shag A Sheep

(editor’s note – This is a fun post, and by no means should it be taken seriously. Click Here if you don’t have a sense of humour about zoophilia. Okay then, no complaining.)

I remember talking to someone over the weekend, and whatever we were talking about made me want to write a post about it. I said as much, and stored it away for Sunday night, but when the time came to type it out, I couldn’t remember what I was going to write about.

Luckily I have Facebook and was able to ask if anyone there remembered what I was going to blog about. No sooner than I asked, I got a response from Brad. He said it was either about how people can defeat the plutocracy, or how to sneak up on a sheep when you’re drunk and horny.

Thanks, Brad!

Seeing as I don’t even know what a plutocracy is, I guess you are going to learn about raping farm animals and how to properly tamp down your shame with morbid poetry and self-inflicted glass cuts.

Yes it is, and no they don’t. They don’t even like getting laid by other sheep, as if your tiny pecker is going to do it for them. If you are human, and you fuck an animal, you are a rapist in every sense of the word.

Yeah, but what about if she fucks me? Then it’s okay, right?

You deserve to be thunderfucked by the ram for being so stupid. No means no, and because you don’t understand sheep language, you can’t know for sure that it’s consensual. That would be like me forcing myself on random Taiwanese women, and because I don’t speak their language, using the defence that I thought they were saying yes. They weren’t.

No one, except sometimes my wife, willingly has sex with me. Continue reading

Nov 22

Therapy Thursday

Dear TT
I left my ex husband two years after being together for 10 years, and married for 5. There are lots of reasons as to why things fell apart. We both worked a lot, never spent any time together as a couple, it was always about the kids. I didn’t work near as much as he did, so it was every day that i would be the one to grab the kids, come home, cook dinner, do laundry, and yada yada whatever else needed to be done. I wouldn’t have changed anything for the world, but it was the lack of gratitude on his end that left me very self-conscious, depressed and discouraged. Not to mention exhausted, and in need of “companionship.” I understand there are two sides to every story, but after 2 years of living in a sexless marriage, I had enough. I needed out, so I left. Continue reading