Now for the stuff I’ve wanted to say

Yeah, There’s some minor stuff that’s been adding up.

First off, there’s

 

Dude Write
I won the

 

Dude Write
 for my story about Paul, my brother, and drinking at the cabin. The competition was really stiff (for me anyhow), and a really great post by ken- inatractor won the Diamond man card. It is a letter to his son on his graduation, and it’s from the hand of a very proud dad. It brought tears to my eyes, and I’m sure it will bring at least one to yours.

Dude write has introduced a new challenge, and it is to write a flash fiction story. It’s open to anyone with a penis and an idea, and I would recommend that all of the males that read this should go and write a very short story. The rules are simple, and on the page that is linked above. I’ve never written any of these stories, or any fiction really, but I’m pretty excited about this. If you would like to write something, but don’t have a place to publish it, I’d be happy to put it on here for you (and me). It never hurts to have more content, right?

Anyhow, go over there, read some stories, and go back on Monday and vote. Easy-peasy, right? Right.

Hey, did you notice that there is a donate button off to the right that looks like this?

Now!

Well there is. If you win a bunch of money in the lottery, or a relative dies and leaves you a bunch of cash, but you refuse to take it because it won’t bring Grammy back. You can get rid of it there. Maybe your son is a drug dealer and a gang member that keeps dropping off bags of money for you to have a better life, but you won’t take his “filthy drug/blood money”. No problem. Click the button and I will take that dirty money off of your hands. If he didn’t give it to you in a paypal voucher or account, then I will come to your house and pick it up. I will also bring you a hand knitted sweater in whatever size you choose, provided the amount is more than $1000.

I’ll take the gun and blow too. You may not know it, but there’s a market for that shit.

Seriously, I am accepting donations until some other miracle, like a sponsor or something like that, comes along. I wish the good lube company that we like so much would ask to sponsor us, but I’m not holding my breath for it. If you click the donate link, you will be directed to a Paypal site for payment, and if you donate $2 or more, you will get some lubey good info, and a wonderfully sexy photo of me on my honeymoon. I may throw in two pics, because that’s how many I have.

Okay, now onto our next topic, vacation. We are going to attempt a few days at an amusement park with the kids. This is a test to see whether they will be going to somewhere like Disneyland in the future.

We’re like Ice Cube, except we aren’t fucking sell-outs. Yet.

We do smaller tests, like to the cabin, the ball field, etc… and they are failing miserably at those, so we have told them that this time it’s to see if they will be able to travel with us to Florida. I am skeptical as to how they are going to make it four hours without the constant complaining about how fucking bored they are or how fucking hungry they are. I don’t care. What I care about is enjoying my vacation too, so if we are going to do fun things with them, they are going to have to co-operate.

Let’s face it. We do fun things as a couple, or a group of couples, all the time, but we never do much with the kids, because it turns to not much fun whenever the excitement stops. That’s when I get a little snaky. ‘You really can’t play on your ipod for another couple of hours without fighting with us or your sister?’

Well if we hear that sort of business on this trip, there will be no Disney next year. I may ban all Disney products if it’s bad enough. Being new to this racket, I haven’t learned the tuning out skills that my wife possesses. She is a goddamn pro at it, and I want to know the secret. It’s like how I can completely tune out pop radio and all commercials I guess.

Seriously. Well, I may be exaggerating a bit.

I just don’t understand why kids can’t relax and read, or watch something, or even just think? Everything has to be exciting to them it seems. That’s weird, because at home, they never go outside and play, they would rather veg out to Icarly or Selena Gomez or play with their Monster High dolls. Exciting???

I don’t know about you, but I find excitement in watching things like a drunk Gadget flying from the roof and into the pool at a resort in the DR. I laughed my ass off, got way drunker and then helped my pissed-to-the-gills friends back to the room. I’m sure we would be labelled “Bad Parents” if we were exposing children to our brand of “fun”, so we go away without the children for our holidays. You can drink til you can’t drink anymore, and wake up when you can start drinking again. If you want to. I don’t condone that behaviour. Much.

Anyhow, that’s my thoughts for the day, let’s see if there will be anything to report on Monday.

Come and ride a fantasy, to a place where dreams fly fast and free,

Birdman

Google+ Comments

14 thoughts on “Now for the stuff I’ve wanted to say

    • There’s no doubt about it that you need to get laid; I think everyone does. Losing the dyke card though? I don’t fucking think so. You’re a few too many levels above average dyke to ever lose that puppy.

  1. Congratulations on your win!
    Just so you know, I’ve been a mom for 17 years and I still can’t tune that shit out. (hint for road trips: portable DVD player)

  2. Aw don’t hold Disney from them. It is the best place in the world, and kids are never misbehaved there. But go to Disney World and not Disneyland.

    And congrats on the Man Card!

    • Which one is in Florida? That’s where we’re going. Maybe. 😉 And thanks, Dude. I love the Dude Write.

      • Disney World is the one in Florida. My sister promised to let me come with them when my niece is old enough, since it doesn’t look promising for me to have a girlfriend or a family to take in the near future.

        But if she bails, I’m coming in one of your suitcases.

        • There’s a ton of room in mine, because I only take two pair of shorts and a couple of t-shirts. It would probably be more comfortable if you rode in the seat though. There’s even more room there.

  3. Ok, do I ever have an idea.
    1. Take my kids with you on vacation, they will distract your kids. After all you have a van. Why waste the space?
    Well, just yesterday my L said “according to my calculations… And went on a long winded story about my navigational skills, and what hwys I should be taking. No I’m not kidding. He really did.
    Which brings me to point #2.
    2. My kids will no doubt be overbearing, and surely distract you from any and all fighting between your kids. Then you’ll think you have it good. I am positive you’ll definitely sing and dance and skip happily alll the way to Disney. then I want a pic of u wearing the mouse ears.

  4. Big congrats on winning the Gold Man Card, Chris! It’s no surprise to me because you have such a gift for words. Your posts and comments always have an interesting spin to them. I enjoy Ken’s writing too, so I look forward to checking out both of your winning stories.

    The flash fiction story contest sounds great…I think I have penis envy. 😮

  5. Good stuff, bird. Congrats on the gold card too, we’re quite impressed with your writing talents. If we can come up with a way to earn some dirty money, you can count on a donation from us.

    • Excellent, and thank you, my friend. I can actually set you up in a pretty good Ponzi scheme if you are looking for some cash. You know my digits.

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