So, I’m sitting here at Pearson airport, and I’m all alone because Chin ditched me. I figured I’d grab a burger at Hogtown, and write down some thoughts I’ve had about air flight, $200 travel vouchers, and friends who have to sit for two extra hours in Calgary for free. It’s funny, because Chin will probably land in Cowtown, head directly to Air Canada customer service, and get a $200 coupon, just for his pain and suffering at missing his travel companion for two whole hours. What’s even funnier than that, is that Chin is still on the runway because of some luggage problems, and I think the captain is drunk. I’m boarding in about 30 minutes, so I’d laugh if I got there and he was still waiting for his bag to clear. He can’t go anywhere anyhow, because I’ve got the keys for the Goblin, and I also pinched his wallet before he boarded. That last statement is false, but I thought it would be funny if I did it.
Did you know that if your seat says GTE, it probably means you’re fucked, and this is not the flight for you. It also means that you get $200 bucks off of your next flight, and for me that means my trip home will be cheap, cheap, cheap. That’s something that I like. They asked Chin if he wanted to de-board and hang out with me; he declined the offer. He must have been sitting beside a cutie, someone who was offering seatmates cash money to listen to their life story, or the flight attendant’s were hot, and he couldn’t gamble on a different flight. Whatever his reasoning, I’m sure it wasn’t because he was trying to get away from me, right? I mean, I’m awesome, aren’t I? Now I have doubts.
Another weird thing was that the tickets were purchased in my name, over a month ago, and I was the first one at the kiosk. So why was I the one that got held back? I guess that they knew I was more intelligent and handsome, and they just wanted to keep me around to make the airport seem like a cool place to hang out. It’s kind of like those bars that pay Paris Hilton and those other undeserving celebrities to come to their establishment, just to try and drive up the prices and seating at their parties. They probably saw me enter and said “Hey! There’s Birdman from Change The Topic. We should hold him here for as long as possible, to maximize on his star power.” Well, you got your wish Toronto, and I got my $200; I guess that’s what they call a “win-win situation”
Although it does inconvenience me to have all of these fans, it is also very satisfying, and I don’t think I’d want to go back to the way it was before this blog. I could never be that guy, who would put dead fish in his mouth for American ten dollar bills, or smuggle narwhal tusks from the Inuit hunters to the underground knife making society in the Kamloops area for bushels of apricots again. I enjoy being the centre of attention at fancy dress balls now. Never mind that the reason is because people don’t like my language, my choice of Carhartt pants, or the fact that I don’t have an invitation. When I see that so many people want to bask in my ethereal glow, I get a little turned on, and it makes me want to start my own religion. I don’t know what I’d call it; maybe the Church of the Eternal Cocoon, The Sacred Temple of Blasphemy, or maybe just simply TABARNAK.
Speaking of religion, how many of you have seen the ads for the Billy Graham Ministry’s, peacewithgod ads on here. I figure they are either trying to save our souls, or really haven’t paid much attention to the site content. If I see those kinds of things on other people’s websites, I hit them. Just so that they have to pay for their sins, and the site owner makes a few shekels. I kind of don’t like having the ads on here, only because I see ads that I want to look at, but I’m not allowed to look at because they are watching me like a hawk. Well, they tell me they are anyhow, so I don’t want to risk losing them as a means of site income over wanting to see an ad for alternative energy.
Another thing I wanted to bring up is that I’m hoping to do a post once a week on Shopping locally, and buying things from each other, so if you have anything that you make, that you’d like to sell, or you know someone who makes anything that they would like to sell, let us know the details, and we could build up a little repertoire of handmade local products that some of our readers might be interested in. This could also go for services as well, such as snowblowing/plowing, odd jobs, leatherwork, or whatever. No big corporations allowed, but small local shops are more than welcome to send in a brief description of their wares for the readership. It’s just a thought, but I figured that it wouldn’t cost anything to try it, right?
That’s about all I’ve got for right now. I forgot to mention that I was glad that I made it to the Levy on New Years Day, and I got to see Judy and Joy, Chris and Sue, Alisha, and even Ryan, but not the same Ryan that’s associated with Chris, Sue and Alisha. It was an altogether different Ryan, that all the ladies thought was quite handsome, and I guess I did too. I wish I hadn’t gorged myself on all-you-can-eat pancakes at Homeplate, because we were only at the levy for about an hour, and I think we were all feeling a little off. Next year, I’ll make sure I’m feeling well enough to sit there and drink my face off, whether it’s a smart thing to do or not. I really enjoy seeing all of my old friends, and even if it’s just once a year, I enjoy getting hugs from all of the old dolls, and to see their smiling faces.
Well, the fasten seatbelt light just came on, and we’re hitting turbulence, so I guess I’ll go now, and prepare myself for the crash landing that will end up like Lost.
Lonely days are gone, I’m a comin’ home, my baby just a wrote me a letter,