First of all, go HERE and scroll down to the fifth photo. Recognize that motherfucker? That’s right, I got a very, very part-time job. It will probably only last a month or so, so you had better get a screenshot of it now, for proof.
It’s going to definitely be a challenge for me to write posts less than half the size of my average, but I think I’m up for it. I’m running out of shit to say, anyhow, so this will hopefully help me re-energize and start to focus on some other projects. I said “hopefully”, because focus has never been one of my strong suits.
It was really a shock, and an honour to be offered this, even if it’s not a full-time, real job. Aiming low is a great site, full of fantastic bloggers, and I might even get to try out some of my video and podcast ideas there. If they’re any good, that is. For all I know, they will suck and I’ll be run out of town on a rail.
That’s something that you just don’t see anymore. That, and tarring and feathering. I remember when I lived in northern Ontario, hearing about this guy that had been fucking around with some other guy’s wife and got caught. I guess all of the local menfolk gathered this dude up and tarred and feathered him for his indiscretion.
I would persecute those fuckers for that. I would stalk and maim every last man involved. With no mercy, either. That is a horrible, torturous thing to do to someone, just because your buddy’s wife is a fucking whore. That’s like in high school, when you catch your girlfriend of three weeks giving some guy a handjob at the Impressions dance, and you knock his ass out. That prick just did you a favour, but for some reason you don’t skid your cheating slut girlfriend, you automatically blame the guy in the tight, stonewashed Ikedas. In truth you hit him because you could only afford Levis, but that’s beside the point.
What the fuck? That went off topic pretty fast. Let’s go back to Aiming Low.
It’s a wicked blog, made up of all kinds of bloggers, and it doesn’t matter what you like, they have it there. Mommy blogs turn you on? They have them. Daddy blogs? Yep. Married assholes that talk about politics, shenanigans, and the evils of the church? They got one now. Brazilian fetish porn? Well, you might have to go somewhere else for that.
Seriously though, they have worked really hard to get that site where it is, and they deserve a big hand. They have a thing called Miss Unlimited there, and it’s giving young girls a voice to say what they want, about some pretty important issues. You should go check it out and see for yourself. They have all kinds of funny, serious, and informative bloggers. I’ve already seen blogs about pants shitting, so I know I’ll be able to tell my I-75 in Ohio story there. I’ve been wondering when to spring that doozy.
They probably aren’t going to want to hear about my lot lizard escapades, so that will probably have to be told here, but rest assured, it will be told. It just has to be done in the right way. I don’t know the right way to say a pregnant girl had her shirt up in -30C weather and wanted to “keep me company” between Detroit and Ann Arbor is. Any hints?
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you the sad news. (Names withheld) are moving away, which will leave the Stray Cats short for this season.
The real loss is our (positions withheld). I believe we will be holding an auction to find their replacements, and the positions will be going to the highest bidder. Cash money is allowed for the entrance fee, but everything else has to be measured in Jello shots, Quebec beer, and a willingness to allow the team to use your hot tub. Sexy girl on girl dancing is also considered an asset.
I imagine the bidding will be online, so as to ensure privacy for the “see through uniform” testing, as well as the alcohol saturation test. If interested, leave a comment below, or just go over to Dora and Swiper’s place and tell them I sent you. You will have to provide designated driver service for at least three parties a year, as well.
In all seriousness, we will really miss you four, and we wish you all the best on this next chapter of your lives. Alberta is a far cry from Ontario, but with your beautiful family around you, it will be all the home you will ever need, just with way less hills.
You guys are coming back someday, right? Please say yes.
Oh I miss the green and the woods and streams, and I don’t like cowboy clothes, but I like being free and that makes me an idiot I suppose,