From the info I’ve pulled off of Wikipedia, Chick-fil-A started a charity in 1984 called the WinShape Foundation, which has a sister foundation called Lifeshape. Now the WinShape Foundation, from what I can tell, gives money to Eagle Forum, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Marriage and Family Legacy Fund, Family Research Council, Exodus International, and Focus On The Family. They also have some sort of affiliation with the Pennsylvania Family Institute.
Now most of you know my feelings about religion and the folks who spout it, so you would think that I would be all over these people, but how is that any different than them trying to silence me? The thing is that my stance on freedom of speech overrules that. Just like I’m free to say what I want about religion, sex, and whatever other bullshit that I’m spewing, they are free to believe what they want and say it as loud as they want. Well, as long as there’s not a curfew where they are. No one is allowed to just be screaming their head off all night. Lights out at eleven, peeps.
I’m not saying it’s right, but it is their right, as it is yours to not eat any of their delicious chicken sandwiches. I’m also not saying that these groups that are funded by Chick-fil-A’s charitable organization aren’t hate groups. I don’t know if they are. I don’t know anybody who is a member of them, knows a member of them, or wants to be a member of them. At least nobody has told me about their dreams of joining, or their secret gay-bashing meetings.
What I do know is that I can’t see any hateful message by any of these groups, and the worst thing I’ve seen by Chick-fil-A is this:
“We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. … We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that,” Cathy emphasized. “We intend to stay the course,” he said. “We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.”
Closed minded? I think so. Bigoted? Maybe, but if you ask whether it’s hateful, I think you’ll find that the answer is “no”. I’m not saying the hateful statements don’t exist somewhere, and I’m also not saying that they don’t hate gays in the privacy of their own joyless homes. I’m sure that they probably do. I mean really, are you going to start, or support a group to save the biblical definition of marriage, if you aren’t worried about the world being overtaken by gays? Probably not.
I’ll bet that they all sit around the TV watching porn, and screaming things like “THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT, BOY! RIGHT INSIDE OF THAT WOMAN’S VAGINA! YEAH, NOW EJACULATE YOUR SEMEN INSIDE OF HER TO MAKE A LITTLE TINY BABY, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE LORD WANTS. ARGHHHHH, DON’T PULL IT OUT, IT’S GOING ON THE GROUND. OH GREAT, NOW YOU’RE GOING TO HELL.”, or something like that. It is their right to feel how they want about what they want, just as much as it’s my right, or your right.
Now that I’ve explained my case, let’s look at some of the fucked up ways that these people waste their money.
First there’s Exodus International. These folks think that being gay is curable. Well they did, anyhow. They’re called something else now. Kind of odd that they would change their organization’s name after the founders of it fell in love with each other, left Exodus, and their wives, and then ran off together.
Next up is Focus On The Family. Here’s their headquarters.
They basically think that same-sex attraction is wrong, and against God’s design for us. Whatever. The very first thing you see is a pop-up wanting a donation, because there are so many families that need help, and people aren’t giving enough. There are other donation buttons littered throughout the site. Well, we all know that you can’t build a massive headquarters with buttons, or pennies from heaven. (My mother used to say that.)
Now for Eagle Forum. Wow. These motherfuckers are fucking insane. I don’t think I could use the word “fuck” enough to emphasize how utterly fucking fucked up they(she) are(is). Here’s their “Our Mission” page. This Phyllis Schlafly is a real piece of work. I’m fairly convinced that she has never had an orgasm, and the best thing she could do is to head down to the nearest dyke bar, and get some mind blowing oral. Seriously, Phyllis, I’ll hook you up with my friend Dustin, but you’ll want to bring something to bite down on. We wouldn’t want you biting your tongue off.
I can’t seem to find anything about the Marriage and Family Legacy Fund, except that it’s part of Marriage CoMission. Their site is all wonky, but from what I could see, they just want people to get married and have babies, and then maybe give them the babies to use as workers in the mines when they are old enough. I am not totally clear on the last part.
The Family Research Council is next on my list, but they seem fairly mild in their beliefs. The regular shit about the bible defining marriage, and how God didn’t mean for homosexuality to happen. He/She must have had a bit of a hangover that day, or maybe it was Sunday, because we all know that the gays are heathens, and would totally sneak one by when God was napping.
Last but not least is the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. They are just a bunch of God-fearing, Jesus loving athletes. You can’t fault them for that. They don’t seem to have any agenda, but to spread the word to each and every athlete in the world. Have at it then. Make sure you’re wearing your cup though. Some people don’t like that word being spread.
So there you have it folks. Go get yourself a chicken burger, and a portion of the proceeds can go to slowing the speed of progress, or you could buy a burger at my new restaurant called “Athearchy Freedom Grill” and I will make sure none of the proceeds go to any religious group. Either way, you are going to get fat, and your arteries will start to clog.
I’m going to grab a salad.
And I’m sure I would have liked him more, if he were a little more like me,