No Therapy For This Thursday

 

That’s okay though; I don’t really care if you need help, because I’m not giving you any. (I’m just kidding. I really need to help with your problems to make my life worth living)

So, how about that Greece County School Bus Incident? I suppose you all know about it by now, but if you don’t here’s the rundown and a video of the bullying.

  1. Older lady school bus monitor gets bullied by a bunch of middle school kids.
  2. Some idiot videotapes it.
  3. Shit hits the fan.

Maybe the artist had never used a fan and was unaware of the mechanics of them.

What the fuck is wrong with those kids? That is some extremely mean shit to be saying to someone. I had never wanted to actually crush a kid’s cheek with a powerful blow before, but it’s a good thing that I wasn’t there. I wonder what kind of upbringing these little bastards must have had to even come up with some of the shit they were spouting?

One kid said, “I’ll fucking take a crap in your mouth.”

Jesus, has it come to this?

*For the record, I wasn’t actually asking Jesus for his opinion on the matter. If he does in fact exist, I am assuming that he gave up on the human race in the early twenties, and has been hunkered down in opium dens and brothels since then.*

I’m pretty horrified at how a bunch of eleven and twelve year olds can bully like that, but I’m more shocked at how stupid they are.

A video, taken by them is on Youtube. Why the fuck would you record yourself doing an illegal, and immoral act, and then put it on the internet? There is clear footage of the one kid’s face. Some friend you are for taking that. You don’t think that he’s going to roll over when the cops get a hold of him? Fucking right he is, but even if he doesn’t, his old man is going to beat it out of him for sure. Well, if he has a dad I guess. I was raised by a couple of dads, and I was taught to treat people with respect until they proved that they didn’t deserve it. I can’t imagine what would happen if I had come home after that video was out and my face was on it.

Oh well, I guess we’ll never know what coulda woulda shoulda, right? I did happen to come across an interview with the woman who was bullied, and she’s taking it like a champ. I’m glad that she doesn’t blame all kids for this, because just like when we were kids, you had your bad ones, but they were outnumbered by the good ones. I see this every day now that I have some younguns in my care.

 

Today I got to go scold a kid at the slide for throwing a shoe in a little girls eye. She can be quite a little drama queen, but I had to take her side because… I don’t know, I just have to.

I went and asked him why he threw her shoe at her face, and he said that he took her shoe off and she told him to give it back.

“So you threw it at her face?” I asked

“No, I threw it at the ground.”

“Was her eye on the ground?” Was my next query.

“No, it didn’t hit her eye.” He said matter of factly.

Her friend then said that she wasn’t there when it happened, and there was no evidence of bruising or anything, so I told the boy that I’d like him to apologize. He did it quite promptly.

I then turned to her and repeated his apology. She stared blankly at me.

“When someone apologizes to you, you are supposed to accept the apology, or explain why you won’t.”

“Okay” She said.

“To him, not to me. He was good enough to say he’s sorry.”

“Okay” She said very softly, half looking in his direction. Then she buggered off.

I said, “Thank you for apologizing. That was a nice thing to do.”

I then went back to the gym.

Did he hit her in the face with a foam flip-flop? I hope so. I don’t want to think that she would lie to me about that, or anything else for that matter.

Sadly, this is better than the first two takes.

Did he do it to be mean? I doubt it. He wasn’t scared of me or anything. There were hundreds of people there to pull me off of him if I was crazy. He seemed sincere in his apology, and I could tell by his face that he didn’t have a lot of malice in him. He probably just thinks that she’s cute (she is), and was trying to get her attention. Well, he sure did.

I hope that one day she quits tattling on everyone, and learns to start handling things like a big girl. She is eight, for the love of Christ. I had a full-time job and a mortgage when I was her age. 😉

Was a promise really something people kept, not just something they would say,

Birdman

P.S. Seriously, I haven’t had a Therapy Thursday question in three weeks. Help a brother out. Oh, and because some little douchebag raccoons got into the garbage again tonight and busted the big blue flower pot, I’m  pasting the original Therapy Thursday on here too.

 

Therapy Thursdays #1

Dear Birdman,

I hear you are an expert when it comes to controlling problem wildlife. I have troubles with raccoons getting into everything year after year and was wondering if you had any advice on how to keep them away?

Frank

First off, can’t you come up with a decent name like they do in the professional advice columns? Something like Rabidly hating raccoons, or Not cool with coons, whatever. Just because I have no experience at this, doesn’t mean that I’m cheap and don’t deserve to be treated with advice columnist respect.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert in anything, but I do know that you must be a simpleton if you are trying to keep raccoons away. They are fucking delicious. My advice is to get a weapon of some sort and what I do is throw some rotting chicken or other meat out in the garbage and wait for the little bastards to try and open it. That’s when they taste my stout club,(but you can use whatever) right behind the ear. Another way I’ve heard of is to live trap and drown them, but I won’t trade a speedy kill for extra tender meat, especially if I have to look into those big brown eyes as I slowly lower them into the rain barrel. That’s just inhumane. Some of the neighbours get pissed off with the noise, what with the screaming and flailing if they don’t die right away, but I just send over a small pot of this delicious stew and that usually keeps them quiet for a while.

Raccoon Stew

~ 1 raccoon, cleaned, skinned and quartered
~ pepper
~ 4 cups water
~ 2 carrots, diced
~ 1 stalk celery, diced
~ 2 large potatoes, cubed
~ salt
In a large pot, place the meat and cover with water. Bring to a boil and cook for 1 hour.Remove meat and allow to cool. Discard water.Remove meat from bones and cut into 1” – 2” cubes. Sprinkle with pepper.Add meat back to pot and add water, carrots, celery and potatoes. Season to taste with salt.Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cook until veggies are tender. Adjust seasoning if needed.

Serve and enjoy.

Love thy neighbour… if they’re hot,

Birdman

P.S. Please send all questions to birdman@changethetopic.com. They will all be posted on the following Thursday. If you don’t send any, then I will be forced to invent shit, and you won’t like it.

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3 thoughts on “No Therapy For This Thursday

  1. While toweling off my junk this morning, post shower (I just wanted to give you that visual) I saw that story about the bus monitor and a wave of sadness came over me (which sucks because I was admiring my junk just moments before – and that makes me happy). But seriously? I don’t think this type of behavior is anything new, so I refrain from asking – what’s wrong with kids today? All I can say is thank God for their stupidity, cell phones and YouTube so we can expose these little creeps. I heard one of the kids dad’s say that he was upset because his family is receiving threats. Good. I also heard there is a website set up to raise money for a vacation for the bus monitor. This sort of support makes me happy…

  2. The video and articles about the kids bullying the bus driver are so sad/scary/shocking. This is one reason why I’m scared to have kids – what if, despite my awesome parenting, they grow up to be dicks like this? Or what if my kid are as awesome as I want them be, but they get beaten down (physically and/or mentally) by assholes like these kids? Sheesh.

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